Dreaming of a Baby: IVF Fund

The journey that leads to having children is often similar to a roller coaster, but my husband and I never expected to get stuck upside down in a loop. That's what it feels like for us. To explain, I'll start from the beginning.
A little over nine years ago, I met the man who would one day become my husband, Andrew. It wasn't love at first site, but was much more because when I fell for him, it was like hitting a brick wall (in a good way). I was stunned. Like most couples, we had our troubles in the beginning that took a toll on our relationship. However, the following year I found myself to be pregnant.
When I first tried to tell Andrew that I was pregnant, he was in denial. He stood by me and it was blatantly obvious that I was pregnant. The mood swings were awful, my cravings were odd and suddenly for a girl, who could never gain weight... I was growing quite the belly. It wasn't until the button flew off my pants (literally) that Andrew stopped being in denial. Of course, this was followed by the understandable panic on both of our accounts.
At the time of our young pregnancy, we weren't quite ready to become parents. Though we were adults, we didn't know true responsibility until the moment we fully accepted that we would be parents in a few short months. Our baby would be born on January 27th and we quickly became excited. Traversing baby aisles turned into a routine and our baby took hold of our hearts and souls. Planning ensued, because we wanted our child to have everything and we were determined to make that a reality.
I was three months pregnant, when the 4th of July came around. My husband and I went to visit my aunt at her vacation home and watch the fireworks. We stayed in a nearby hotel, expecting to have a fun filled celebration. The morning before the 4th of July, I felt myself cramping up. The pain was sharp, but it wasn't until I looked down to see a pool of blood that I realized what was happening. We were losing our unborn child. The tearing pain in my abdomen was nothing compared to the suffocating feeling in my chest.
We lost our baby and I have since cried more for him or her than anyone else. I was supposed to be out of the woods. 12 weeks along was supposed to mean that my baby was safe, that I would one day hold him or her in my arms, but fate took that experience from me. The miscarriage effected my body and mind on various levels. I became depressed, barely ate and lost far too much weight, but the following summer Andrew proposed to me. The happiness I felt, knowing we would be together forever helped me overcome our trials. Marrying him was one of the happiest days of my life and soon after we began purposefully trying for a baby.
The overwhelming need to become a mommy, to raise my child and keep him or her safe was all encompassing. Being pregnant and miscarrying had brought out a maternal side in me that couldn't be stifled and now I had the chance to make that dream a reality. Unfortunately, after trying to conceive naturally for a year... my fears of never being a mommy became a nightmare I doubted I would wake from.
My husband and I tried everything we could think of to increase our chances of conceiving, until we finally went to a doctor about our problems. At the time, my doctor did not perform any tests. He simply decided that I wasn't ovulating and placed me on a six month stint of Clomid. When this didn't work, I talked to some women on fertility forums about it and learned that he should have done diagnostic testing first. I also learned that he should have monitored me throughout the six months, which he did not do. I felt defeated. Having lost our faith in my doctor, we then pursued trying naturally, again.
Countless nights I would find myself secretly leaving my husband's side to cry quietly in another room. Heartache was a daily routine and life seemed... empty. I made an appointment with a new doctor and began the grueling round of diagnostic testing. My husband had it easy, one single test and he knew that our fertility problems were not because of him. I hated my body, feeling like it had betrayed me by taking away such a gift. My testing finished and my doctor couldn't find a single thing wrong. She was completely stumped and referred me to a specialist, who would hopefully discover something she had overlooked.
A few months ago, I learned why I haven't been able to conceive a child. After six years, we were finally given an answer. My AMH levels were terribly low, giving my new doctor his answer... I have Decreased Ovarian Reserve. When a woman is born, she has so many eggs that it doesn't seem feasible to not have enough to get pregnant in her late twenties, but that is the case with me. I do not have many eggs left and very few that are good enough quality to achieve pregnancy. Each month my chances of becoming a mommy decrease. I'm in a fight against time and it's one I plan to win.
Since November, I have undergone two rounds of IUI. It was an exhausting with more injections (fertility meds) than I thought I could stomach, but I pushed through. The medications were expensive, especially when combined with the procedure itself and my insurance does not cover infertility treatments. The battle ended in defeat, yesterday I learned that I am not pregnant.
Though the procedures did not succeed, it did allow my doctor to learn that my body responds incredibly well to the medications. This was something he feared would not be the case, because many women with my disorder do not. Learning this, we were given hope. We may have lost the battle, but we refused to lose the war! However, it quickly because obvious that I would not be able to get pregnant via IUI, but instead would need to undergo IVF.
The news that I needed to resort to IVF was a terrible realization, because it can cost anywhere from $15,000-25,000 between the procedure and medications. However, we recently learned from the doctor that there are 4 health insurance plans that will help us cover IVF, which makes it much more afforable. The issue is coming up with the funds to cover the deductible and other related expenses.
I can hear the sound of a baby crying out for me to bring him or her to life. I now know that the treatment gives me a real chance at a future I thought I would never have. My doctor, who is the second best reproductive endocrinologist in my state is confident that if I undergo this treatment, I will find myself pregnant. Unfortunately, the clock is still ticking and my time is running low.
It's embarrassing to reach out to the world for help, asking others to catch me in this tumultuous time, but that is what I am doing. Please help me and my husband by donating and sharing this page. I am hoping for a second chance that isn't possible right now without help.

I'm an author, artist, photographer and psychology major. My husband is an education major and works full time with the Army National Guard.

Links to Information about my disorder...
Ovarian Aging
Determining Ovarian Reserve
Decreased Ovarian Reserve

My Websites...
J.D. Stroube (my author website)
Dreamscape Covers Facebook Page

Some of the prizes....

Caged in Darkness




Caged in Darkness: Special Edition


Caged by Damnation

Journals:


White Dress Size Small

Brown Dress Size Small

Black Mask

Antique Tarot Cards

Pink Dress size 2 (lace up back)

Tiara

Revolver Keychain

Black Dress size Small

72mm HD Converter 2.0x telephoto lens for Canon EF-S 18-200 f3.5-5.6

Gothic Choker

Gothic Choker

Gothic Choker