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SingleMom Battling Mental Health

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As I sit in my 2nd Emergency Department this week the severity of my situation has settled in. The current symptoms I'm experiencing in my eyesight are only clues to the larger scarier issue I've been fighting to contain for so long.

The weight of the stress I've been attempting to live with has defeated me. Stress at work, stress being a single mom, stress of no savings, stress at my family and mother for being neglectful and abusive, stress at my father for being absent, stress at my coparent for viewing parenting as optional, stress about the decisions I've made, the regrets and disgust for how I've let my life get to this point.

The thing is, the woman I was even a year ago wouldn't dare ever admit to defeat. I wasn't built for that. Yet here I am.

Years of emotional stress have turned into physical symptoms and I currently have swollen optic nerves in both eyes and fluid in my left eye. It's caused me a month of unexplained migraines that landed me in yet another Emergency Department where I had my first panic attack. While dozens of Doctors attempt to find the route cause of the swelling by running tests, poking me left and right and a forthcoming spinal tap, I know the demon in which they search for. I've always known. Stress. It invades every ounce of my being and has defeated me. I literally don't know how to help myself, but what I do know is that I need help and space to try to heal.

I've asked for a leave from work to not only help my vision but to also give me some breathing room to try to address years and years of stress and childhood trauma that have weighed me down, masking me and keeping me hostage. I want to experience happiness but know I won't be able to until I set myself free.

And now I'm doing some thing I was literally punched for doing when I was a child. I'm asking for help. I'll be out of work for maybe 2 weeks and will not have a steady source of income and don't have any financial cushion to lean on. If only the world could pause for my grief. I feel I should be able to hold the world on my shoulders with no problem, it's how I was raised. It's how I wanted to live. But it's impossible to do so when you feel you live in hell with your emotions and intrusive thoughts everyday.

I'm a single mom with a beautiful 9 year old daughter who already has one parent who can't provide for her and I cannot follow in his footsteps. Showing this vulnerability makes me want to run away in shame and embarrassment, but there comes a time when enough is enough. The fight is killing me slowly and I don't want to do it alone anymore.

I am hoping through your generosity I will be able to cover my emergency department fees and expenses while I'll be out of work.

$300 - 2 - Emergency Department visits
$200 - 2 weeKS of groceries
$300 - Utilities including gas, electricity, rental insurance premium, life insurance premium, credit card payments
$200 - Student loan payments

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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Donations 

  • Anonymous
    • $10 
    • 9 yrs
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Organizer

Alexandra Elizabeth
Organizer
Cambridge, MA

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