Support Kyle’s Family
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Everybody at one point or another has gotten a phone call that drops them to their knees... The call that changes your entire life for the rest of your life. November 3, 2017, I received that call.
My older brother, my very best friend, and the only person on earth that knows me best and loves me most, was the passenger in a single car accident. Kyle suffered several small injuries (three fractures in his back, a liver laceration, etc.) but the worst and scariest news – my big brother has a severe Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). In the beginning, we weren't even sure if he would ever open his eyes again; he was given a 10% chance at survival. After 22 days in the Neuro ICU unit at WakeMed, he was transferred to the Neuro Acute Care, then eventually released three months after his accident.
His type of TBI is known as “Diffuse Axonal Injury” - it is a closed head injury spread through his entire brain. The majority of his damage is on his left hemisphere and in his pre-frontal, as well as occipital (rear) cerebral cortex. This type of injury has been explained as “shaken baby syndrome” - since Kyle was wearing his seat belt and did not experience any blunt force trauma to his head, his brain got shaken back and forth very hard, very fast. The axons in his gray matter have been “sheared” or snapped; parts of his brain do not communicate and most likely never will again.
We knew the day he was released as well as we know now; he will never be the same. He is entirely dependent for all his daily needs; he cannot speak (aphasia), he is incontinent and requires (sometimes hourly) changes and cleaning, he cannot feed himself and must be spoon fed and all given all his liquids and meds orally through straws. He can walk, albeit quite slowly, and has learned to navigate stairs with lots of help, although we use his wheelchair most of the time when we have to take him for appointments because he is living in a kind of sleepwalking state, he tends to wander off.
The amazing thing is – he's still here. He's alive. Every day we see small improvements and changes that we were told he would never do again, but he will need someone with him at all times for the rest of his life; and that's my parents and me. My parents are both past retirement age, but my father has had to go back to work full time to support us all; mom stopped working the day he got hurt and I wasn't far behind – by the time he came home, I was living back home with mom to take turns caring for him. He gets bathed and shaved every day and he is loved beyond measure. I have sworn to my family, to myself, and of course to Kyle, that I will take care of him as long as we're both alive. I know he would do the same for me.
We are still working with lawyers and medicaid and who knows who else to cover his almost $1M medical bills (he was uninsured at the time of the accident), and my dad works, but he is out of town – he leaves every Sunday after church and comes home Thursday evenings after working at a nuclear plant near the coast of NC. Mom has taken early social security and I have nothing; basically whatever my dad or boyfriend has to spare to offer me a little bit of comfort here and there.
I am not able to draw social security benefits as I myself am not disabled, and to get them as a caregiver you have to be the spouse, parent, or child of a disabled individual – and even then it comes out of the disabled individual's payments, of which my brother only receives $500 a month as well as $100 a month food stamps.
I cannot work, as at least two people need to be around; we've tried it before for me to have a part time job and the unknowns are just too much to commit to an outside money earning situation. At the most, one person can be alone with him for a couple hours but if there is a bad bathroom issue, or a stubborn lunch time, or who knows what else, then two people are essential and absolutely necessary. I have tried a few online money making ideas (captioning videos, selling stuff on eBay, etc) but suddenly in the past month, after 17 months of barely making do, I am now doing the thing I swore I wouldn't do – asking for help.
And to be clear, this is for ME, not Kyle's bills... Lord willing Medicaid and the attorneys will secure his medical care for the remainder of his life – but not mine. I feel so silly asking my dad for an allowance or to borrow a few bucks from my boyfriend for gas or so Netflix won't get cut off.
Here are the issues that have lead me to come to this final decision to reach out for help:
1) I cannot get unemployment. I was denied by my last full time employer and did not win the appeal, I applied again but it went against the last part time employer and the month(ish) I worked there and I was given less that $30 a week for one month.
2) I cannot apply for my own disability, because having migraines, Menieres, or Sciatica just isn't a big enough issue. Also I could and would theoretically work, but I cannot commit to the time away from the house.
3) We received a notice two days ago that the duplex my boyfriend I have called home for the past five years is being demolished to further the gentrification that is working it way down Kent Road. We have until the end of April (less than a month!) to find an apartment, put down the deposit, and move. While I do spend 5 nights a week at my mom and dad's (sometimes more) I still want to maintain a home outside of this life where I can see my kitties and my dude and have a tiny bit of a social life. Our rent was $595/mo for two bedrooms – the housing market has changed so much in the past few years that the only place we have found so far is a studio apartment for $700/mo. We have to find something on the bus line, as my boyfriend doesn't drive, so it has to be either walk-able to his work (near Capital Blvd and Atlantic) or on the bus line. This is proving to be semi-impossible and certainly not doable without money coming in from my end.
4) My car is up for inspection and will certainly NOT pass inspection. My best friend has actually gifted me her previous car, but I will need funds for the taxes and title, a well as necessary repairs before I can take it home.
5) I had finally got a little break because my income was so low last year (practically nonexistent) that I was supposed to get back almost $2k in federal income tax. Every single penny was taken by the Dept of Education for defaulting on student loans that I have been paying on for 15 years, but let slip after Kyle's accident. I got $40.00 from the State.
6) I have one credit card left with the most insane interest rate but since my credit is so bad, I was out of options. My dad has been helping me pay it down, but it has to go.
7) My health insurance (Obamacare) is about to lapse – this CANNOT happen! My monthly prescriptions alone are over $500/mo out of pocket. I very much need to start seeing a therapist again to learn how to cope with this new life but cannot afford it at the moment. I have lost another tooth and desperately need a root canal/crown on another molar. Getting old is the most dangerous thing you can ever do for your health! Being poor makes it even worse.
Whatever funds I can raise for these endeavors would be paid back in whatever goodness, prayers and love I have left in me. The total I am asking for is completely arbitrary – I picked a number out of the sky that would make life livable again, but any amount I (and honestly I mean “we” - my mom, dad, Kyle, and boyfriend – and the kitties) would receive would be a life changer in more ways than one.
So many amazing people have come through for my family in so many ways; feeding us, sending us essential items from Kyle's Amazon list, and even visiting... Asking this now, after all this time is humbling, to say the least. I am not proud, I am not begging, I'm just hoping that some bit of the love and support I've put out into the universe in my almost 42 years might come back to me now at my most desperate hour of need.
Love to all and I will update often, with any changes that may arise with any help received.
My older brother, my very best friend, and the only person on earth that knows me best and loves me most, was the passenger in a single car accident. Kyle suffered several small injuries (three fractures in his back, a liver laceration, etc.) but the worst and scariest news – my big brother has a severe Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). In the beginning, we weren't even sure if he would ever open his eyes again; he was given a 10% chance at survival. After 22 days in the Neuro ICU unit at WakeMed, he was transferred to the Neuro Acute Care, then eventually released three months after his accident.
His type of TBI is known as “Diffuse Axonal Injury” - it is a closed head injury spread through his entire brain. The majority of his damage is on his left hemisphere and in his pre-frontal, as well as occipital (rear) cerebral cortex. This type of injury has been explained as “shaken baby syndrome” - since Kyle was wearing his seat belt and did not experience any blunt force trauma to his head, his brain got shaken back and forth very hard, very fast. The axons in his gray matter have been “sheared” or snapped; parts of his brain do not communicate and most likely never will again.
We knew the day he was released as well as we know now; he will never be the same. He is entirely dependent for all his daily needs; he cannot speak (aphasia), he is incontinent and requires (sometimes hourly) changes and cleaning, he cannot feed himself and must be spoon fed and all given all his liquids and meds orally through straws. He can walk, albeit quite slowly, and has learned to navigate stairs with lots of help, although we use his wheelchair most of the time when we have to take him for appointments because he is living in a kind of sleepwalking state, he tends to wander off.
The amazing thing is – he's still here. He's alive. Every day we see small improvements and changes that we were told he would never do again, but he will need someone with him at all times for the rest of his life; and that's my parents and me. My parents are both past retirement age, but my father has had to go back to work full time to support us all; mom stopped working the day he got hurt and I wasn't far behind – by the time he came home, I was living back home with mom to take turns caring for him. He gets bathed and shaved every day and he is loved beyond measure. I have sworn to my family, to myself, and of course to Kyle, that I will take care of him as long as we're both alive. I know he would do the same for me.
We are still working with lawyers and medicaid and who knows who else to cover his almost $1M medical bills (he was uninsured at the time of the accident), and my dad works, but he is out of town – he leaves every Sunday after church and comes home Thursday evenings after working at a nuclear plant near the coast of NC. Mom has taken early social security and I have nothing; basically whatever my dad or boyfriend has to spare to offer me a little bit of comfort here and there.
I am not able to draw social security benefits as I myself am not disabled, and to get them as a caregiver you have to be the spouse, parent, or child of a disabled individual – and even then it comes out of the disabled individual's payments, of which my brother only receives $500 a month as well as $100 a month food stamps.
I cannot work, as at least two people need to be around; we've tried it before for me to have a part time job and the unknowns are just too much to commit to an outside money earning situation. At the most, one person can be alone with him for a couple hours but if there is a bad bathroom issue, or a stubborn lunch time, or who knows what else, then two people are essential and absolutely necessary. I have tried a few online money making ideas (captioning videos, selling stuff on eBay, etc) but suddenly in the past month, after 17 months of barely making do, I am now doing the thing I swore I wouldn't do – asking for help.
And to be clear, this is for ME, not Kyle's bills... Lord willing Medicaid and the attorneys will secure his medical care for the remainder of his life – but not mine. I feel so silly asking my dad for an allowance or to borrow a few bucks from my boyfriend for gas or so Netflix won't get cut off.
Here are the issues that have lead me to come to this final decision to reach out for help:
1) I cannot get unemployment. I was denied by my last full time employer and did not win the appeal, I applied again but it went against the last part time employer and the month(ish) I worked there and I was given less that $30 a week for one month.
2) I cannot apply for my own disability, because having migraines, Menieres, or Sciatica just isn't a big enough issue. Also I could and would theoretically work, but I cannot commit to the time away from the house.
3) We received a notice two days ago that the duplex my boyfriend I have called home for the past five years is being demolished to further the gentrification that is working it way down Kent Road. We have until the end of April (less than a month!) to find an apartment, put down the deposit, and move. While I do spend 5 nights a week at my mom and dad's (sometimes more) I still want to maintain a home outside of this life where I can see my kitties and my dude and have a tiny bit of a social life. Our rent was $595/mo for two bedrooms – the housing market has changed so much in the past few years that the only place we have found so far is a studio apartment for $700/mo. We have to find something on the bus line, as my boyfriend doesn't drive, so it has to be either walk-able to his work (near Capital Blvd and Atlantic) or on the bus line. This is proving to be semi-impossible and certainly not doable without money coming in from my end.
4) My car is up for inspection and will certainly NOT pass inspection. My best friend has actually gifted me her previous car, but I will need funds for the taxes and title, a well as necessary repairs before I can take it home.
5) I had finally got a little break because my income was so low last year (practically nonexistent) that I was supposed to get back almost $2k in federal income tax. Every single penny was taken by the Dept of Education for defaulting on student loans that I have been paying on for 15 years, but let slip after Kyle's accident. I got $40.00 from the State.
6) I have one credit card left with the most insane interest rate but since my credit is so bad, I was out of options. My dad has been helping me pay it down, but it has to go.
7) My health insurance (Obamacare) is about to lapse – this CANNOT happen! My monthly prescriptions alone are over $500/mo out of pocket. I very much need to start seeing a therapist again to learn how to cope with this new life but cannot afford it at the moment. I have lost another tooth and desperately need a root canal/crown on another molar. Getting old is the most dangerous thing you can ever do for your health! Being poor makes it even worse.
Whatever funds I can raise for these endeavors would be paid back in whatever goodness, prayers and love I have left in me. The total I am asking for is completely arbitrary – I picked a number out of the sky that would make life livable again, but any amount I (and honestly I mean “we” - my mom, dad, Kyle, and boyfriend – and the kitties) would receive would be a life changer in more ways than one.
So many amazing people have come through for my family in so many ways; feeding us, sending us essential items from Kyle's Amazon list, and even visiting... Asking this now, after all this time is humbling, to say the least. I am not proud, I am not begging, I'm just hoping that some bit of the love and support I've put out into the universe in my almost 42 years might come back to me now at my most desperate hour of need.
Love to all and I will update often, with any changes that may arise with any help received.
Organizer
Karla Anne Lineback
Organizer
Apex, NC
