Ty wrecked our canoe

Ty Crawford and Parker Poage jointly took command of the USS Whiskey Sauer spring break 2k18 in the harsh waters of Buffalo National River, AR. Harnessing years of maritime experience between the two of them (USMC/T bird 3), they managed to wedge a canoe stuck in roaring rapids. Watching in the distance, Jake Mallison and Ryan Bindel courageously rushed to the wreckage and aided in the livesaving effort. Unfortunately, the USS Whiskey Sauer took heavy fire (water) and was unable to be saved. 

(No alcohol was consumed prior to this accident)
(TLDR we owe A&M a canoe or $500. Help please)