PacificCrestTrail - a lifedream
HELP ME to live a DREAM after a nightmare life!!!
my name is Thomas, I`m 41 years old an I live in cologne, Germany. It costed me quite an effort to start this , but I got nothing left to lose...I can only win, with every little support of YOU;-)
To make it short and not telling you every detail of my life: at age 12 I became a rape victim...puuuhhh...it`s out now...
But...I don`t want to call myself victim anymore, that would give to much power over me to the offender, and I definately don`t want that!
I`m not a victim anymore, but I have to admit, the consequences of that trauma still affect my life in many ways but I have to move forward. After all kinds of endless psychological treatments over the last decades, I can live a life today that I never dreamt it would be possible. It has been years where every single person outside was my enemy, with every step in public I felt like beeing a soldier at war...panic, because of everything and everyone, deepest depression and so on...most of the people don`t understand that...they just can`t, only if they suffer the same. Today I can be excited about the next day sometimes, I can imagine something good for my future, I can do things, be active, I can TRUST...
But the biggest problem is, I`m not able to work, I`m not stable over a longer period. Over the years I was fighting and I could catch up my exams, also I did an apprenticeship in healthcare administration with good results, but until today it`s not possible to benefit from it. I applied for so many jobs over the last two years, passed assessments with best results, but as soon as the interview came, I lost it...fear, panic...just the feeling to disappoint...so I was terrible nervous at the interviews, I had blackouts, everything I learned disappeared...or I had a panic attack before the interview, so I couldn`t even be there... these situations are so frustrating, that you directly fall back into deep depression. I just don`t know if it will be different, better some day. I know, ich feel, that there is so much potential inside of me, that I WANT, that I CAN...that I can be a productive part of society, that I don`t want to surrender with only 41 years, that I will still fight...because I deserve to really live the years that are left, not only survive...thats it at the moment...surviving. It`s not Life and it`s not Death...it`s something in between...not worth living.
Earlier this year I had the pleasure to work with an awesome person, a doctor...only because of our hard work I`m able to do this...to look forward... to believe in something... in ME.
I started this campaign because of the financial issue. I do work for the budget, as good and much as I can, but as I said...it`s not enough, because I`m not able to something over a longer time. Because of that I`m disappointed of myself, and there starts the psychosomatic circle. Over time you lose hope, you lose the last bit of strength, you can`t see any possibility to be part of society anymore...fears grow and grow...crazy
Over these years I have found peace in the outdoors. the only place without fear, without tension, because I couldn`t dissapoint , and nobody could disappoint me, it`s just nature, woods...the quiet...freedom...
Out of this certainty, and out of research, for infos, for films and so on, a great dream came up a few years ago. a lifedream, a once in a lifetime idea...
I have to walk the Pacific Crest Trail !!!
a, no THE long distance trail in the world, that extends over 4400 kilometers through three states, through deserts, over 4500m Mountains and through endless woods, accompanied of bears, mountain lions, rattlesnakes and so on... close to 9 million steps, that you could do in up to 6 months..IF you survive:-)
I will stand to this mammoth task. It´s not a short idea, it`s a dream, an imagination in my head, manifested over the years, grown, impossible to delete.
This trail will be an extraordinary step forward for me, not only in the meaning, but also in my head , in my psyche, my character, long term, staying!!!
On this trail I will be forced, to just focus on myself, I will work on me and in me in an intensive way to finally achieve a clear and desirable goal for me...a future...a perspective.. A LIFE!!!
And if you want to support me, to help me reach that goal, to give me a perspective, I would be absolutely grateful!!!...
for the whole project, heared of other experienced hikers and online research, I will need close to 6000 euro (everything included for 6 months of life, flights, gear and so on)...I already safed money by myself...but as I said, not enough...so I`m still in need of 4000 Euro
thats why I need YOUR HELP!!!!
I`m soooo happy for every little support, even if it`s "just" a motivating word, a new contact...contact me when or where ever you want...I will tell more about me and the project then, if you want:-)...like or share the project, talk about it...or donate...whatever you want/can:-)))
I will, if everything works out, make photos and videos over the whole trail,to produce a nice and fine film in the end...in that film I will mention EVERY single supporter, if they want to be mentioned:-))) so we can all be a part of this great adventure...
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR TIME.
all the best, from cologne, germany
Hallo, ich möchte gern jedem Spender ein kleines "Dankeschön" in Form meiner ersten Anthologie "Bad Dreams and an Angel" zukommen lassen, in digitaler Form/PDF. Also bei Spende gern einen EMail Kontakt da lassen:-) Merciii euch allen