Ocean's Transgender Top Surgery

I did it!!!   I had top surgery!! The healing process has been going very well. I am so relieved, excited and happier than I have been in a long time.  This took a lot of trust for me to put out there. I can’t even find the words to express my gratitude to the people who contributed.  The generosity and support from people I know and don’t know has been really been an incredible experience for me.  Thank you again for all your generous support.  

I still need 6,500 to meet my goal.  If you can repost this, or directly pass this on to anyone else who might be moved to give, OR are seeing this for the first time and can contribute, I would deeply appreciate your support.  More of my story is listed at the very bottom of this page.

There is a lot to manage on a daily basis being transgender and just existing in the world.  The suicide rate of trans people is almost nine times higher than the overall population.  By freeing up some of the financial burdens involved in uncovered trans medical care, you can support someone’s ability to thrive instead of just survive.  By supporting this, you are increasing my opportunity to give back to my community. Contributing to this is contributing to the art I produce, the kids I work with and all the people I encounter through my life.   

All of your donations to this fundraising project will go toward the surgery costs.   I have not been able to consistently work full-time over the years because of chronic health conditions related to Lyme disease and high medical costs associated with chronic Lyme, which has affected my ability to save for this surgery.   Contributions will go to the out-of-network costs for the surgery, out-of-state travel and accommodations, and the six-week unpaid time off from work for recovery. I work as an independent contracting  special education teacher and don't have sick time, vacation time or summers off.

I completely understand if you are not able to contribute financially to this. Another way to support this fundraiser is to personally share this with people you know or post this on your social media pages.

As a way to show my gratitude I am offering tiered rewards according to funding level. I am an artist and photographer and would love to share my work with you.   
To see more of my art work go to www.oceanjoseph.com 

Funding Tiers

To receive the artwork below please email me at oceanjlof At gmail.com and provide your name contribution tier and  address.

$1-$50 Dedicated acknowledgement in a 2020 upcoming photo series
$51-$250 Set of 5 post cards of the collages below
$251-$700 Set of 5 post cards of the collages below + One Limited edition 11x14 photograph of your choosing from below
$700-$1000 Set of 5 post cards of the collages below + All 3 limited edition 11x14 photographs
$1001-$15,000 Photo session with me -2 hour photo session for: head shots, family portraits, promotional, boudoir, or event photography.  Including high resolution edited digital images and two prints. 
(travel costs over 50 miles my not be not included)


COLLAGES






                                                                                                              
PHOTOGRAPHS

Photo ONE

Photo TWO

Photo THREE


My  Story

I’ve spent massive amounts of energy in my life attempting to manage dissociation and gender dysphoria. And for most of my life I didn’t realize that was what was happening. When I was young I didn’t mind the interests stereotypically associated with girls. I didn’t like sports and I enjoyed art, fashion, dolls, being pals with girls and I was attracted to boys. While those external activities didn’t bother me, I had a constant dissociated relationship to myself.  Like my life didn’t really have agency because I didn’t really feel there. Only looking back now do I understand the impact feeling so disconnected from the female gender I was assigned at birth.

In my early 20’s I became very involved with a spiritual practice that made me feel much more present in my body.  Much of this spiritual practice involved hours of silent mindful community work sessions. While silently nailing roofs, planting flowers and pushing wheelbarrows a sense of alchemy would naturally come forth in me of not feeling locked into a female gender. I had a simultaneous experience of being connected to a source within all beings and I also felt less preoccupied with being male or female felt was just more solidly in my body. 

Later in life, I became connected to folks who identified as genderqueer. I had a similar connection to myself of just being solidly more here when I connected with this identity and not locked into a disassociated female gender. I also felt like, “Of course!” - of course there are more genders then the two I had been socialized to believe in. It was something I had already known within me.

 For years I identified solely as genderqueer and not as female or male. But I felt like I was only seen by a select group of people while the rest of the world didn’t think twice about reading me as anything other than female. It took a tremendous amount of energy to translate back to myself that that was not me. I also increasingly felt more open to what I was afraid to feel before, which was a sense of also feeling male. I did not feel like a boy trapped in a girl’s body growing up; I just didn't really feel my body.  I grew up in a very conservative catholic environment and I think I never really saw examples of the sensitive and artistic boy I would have been.  

I now identify as both male and genderqueer.  This has been more clear to me since I started testosterone two and a half years ago. I know that being read as male and feeling that in myself makes me less preoccupied and just more peacefully here. I stop thinking about gender so much and just feel like I can face what is in front of me. The less preoccupied I am the more present I am and the more I can see other people around me. Since taking testosterone, I came out at work and to the greater community. I feel more effective at my job because I am not so distracted by being mis-gendered. I work as a special education itinerant teacher for 3-5 year olds with developmental delays and school age children with dyslexia.  I also feel more authentically closer to everyone in my life because I am less preoccupied with trying to control an invisible field of gender dysphoria. I feel more willing to be vulnerable and to also have a greater capacity to see other people around me.

 The Surgery

People close to me know I have been thinking about top surgery (double mastectomy and chest masculinization) for a long time. The how, where and when of making this decision has been on my mind almost daily for years -- a tremendous drain on my mental, emotional and physical well being. This surgery is an absolute necessity for my mental health and for moving on with things I want to do in my life. 

I will be traveling to Florida in July to have the surgery with a plastic surgeon who is a pioneer in the field of trans male and non-binary top surgery.  My mother and sister will also be flying out to care for me there for a week. And I will be returning home to New York for the rest of my recovery.



Thank you so much for your time and  your support!    -Ocean