Finally Asking for Help

$50,000 goal

Campaign created 1 month ago
I've never asked for help before so please know that I'm not good at it. This is actually a picture of my house, even after painting it about 2 years ago. I need help to move somewhere safer. 
I was my mothers caretaker for many years and she was not always homebound but even then I went to doctors appointments with her and kept records of her medications and what phone call had to made when. I like to say that we grew up together. As she became less independent she relied more and more on me. Don't get me wrong, ask me if I would do it again and there's no doubt that I would do it. We became best of friends and not just mother and daughter. I took on a lot of the bills and she would get mad when I paid for her things but she needed them. I even found a way to order her skin cream from Canada when the US price was out of our range. She went to dialysis for 8 years and the cream was used to numb her arm before they put the needles in. I watched my mother, a brave, strong and determined woman with a huge heart, grow weaker right before my eyes.  Sometimes she would cry and sometimes I would and sometimes we would cry together...well, a lot of the times we would sit on the side of her bed while she cried and put her head on my shoulder. I could never let her see how afraid I was nor how much pain I was in, that wouldn't have helped her. When she felt up to it, she would say "let's go for a ride" and off we would go, no destination but need for it either because we would never go far, just enough to get out of the house and breathe in the fresh air. It's what she loved to do the most. 
We were also raising my nephew together, she did the mothering but I was like her back up. She made sure he learned manners and treated everyone with kindness. But as he grew older, even he understood what was happening. 
My mother passed away after being in the hospital for three months, every day of those three months I was there. I would sometimes go to work at 2 am just to make sure I had money coming in and also I had to make sure my nephew had what he needed. His mother, my younger sister, was there but she acted as though nothing was happening and I had to take control of the money to make sure my nephew had what he needed. 
The night that she passed, the hospital stopped me before I was able to enter her room. They had me sign a DNR, for those that do not know, this is a do not resuscitate order. I never thought that my mother was passing but we had talked about it before, that she didn't want to be hooked up the tubes like my father had been. I went into her room and she asked that I sit with her while we read. I scooted my chair next to her bed and I remember asking her if she believed in heaven. I know that she did because her faith is what kept her going.  My younger sister arrived with my nephew, I won't go into details but it was time.  I told my sister to call my brother and he, by a miracle was literally on the road by the hospital.  He got there in time for her to tell us all what her wishes were and then we were told to leave the room. When we entered back in, she had left but I think she was still in the room so I made sure that everyone had a minute to say their goodbyes. We called family and one of my older sisters drove down and actually slept in the bed with me that night. I think I was in shock but what I did next actually has taken a toll on my life and had gotten me where I am now. I took on the role of getting things done. I asked for suggestions from the family and my older brother asked that one song is played at her service and his wife at the time helped me to find a verse. But all the other decisions were on my shoulders alone and I was not ready for them. I cried for the first few days but after her service, I stopped. My nephew was 15 and it was Christmas time. He had just lost the mother figure he knew right along with me. My world became getting him in school as normal and even putting up a tree to help keep a routine for him. Going to work, hiring an attorney and learning all about probate. I cashed in everything I had, all my retirement, in order to pay for this and part of the service. My younger brother stepped in and paid it up front and told everyone what their share was. I made sure to get this to him and to the bills that had gotten a little behind. I was left with nothing but paycheck to paycheck so work was important. When I thought probate was over, I remember getting an email from the attorney saying that the State of Florida was suing me for the amount of money that was used for my mothers' dialysis treatment. I could either pay $87,000 or give them the house, the house we were living in. We had to sue the State of Florida, this terrified me, but my attorney who reminded me of Matlock told me not to worry as I sat in his office and couldn't stop from crying. He truly worried about me and I guess I felt comfortable. He was true to his word and we were able to stay in the house. 
The house, it had a lot of issues and I tried to do what I could to keep it going. Plumbers, electricians and even the power company at one point. I've had slab leaks and old-time fuses blow out. I've replaced outlets by myself to save money. The last time I changed jobs, there was a little bit of money and that was used to paint the house and replace my car that was driving metal on metal and wasn't safe. By this time my granddaughter had come along and my younger sister was out of the picture. So again, even though my nephew (my son) was growing into an amazing young father that fought for custody of his daughter (I cashed out my savings again for the lawyer). I watched him learn to change diapers and burp and all the things you wouldn't expect a young man to do. He was happy to do this and enjoyed watching her grow just as much as I did. 
Now we are at a point where she is in school but the schools are too dangerous here and honestly, we fear that someone might try to take her because of the custody battle we had to go through. She is almost finished with kindergarten through virtual school, in which my nephew took on full steam with her. 
But the house is falling apart and I have run out of options. I have nothing to sell, I'm not being offered jobs that pay more and my health is taking a toll for it all. I have gained about 100 lbs since the loss of my mother and I know it's not who I am. I have panic attacks that put me in bed for the day and I end up losing time at work, which only makes me worry more and so goes the cycle.
The house, we've been through two hurricanes where I've asked FEMA for help but they deny us. I don't have the money to repair is so my nephew has gotten up there with a sealer spray and so far so good. But there are still things wrong with it.  The electrical needs repaired, so much so that a recent outside fire seeped it's way in through our window a/c units and woke me up thinking it was in the house. I couldn't get back to sleep. The plumbing, the last plumber told us what needed to be done and then left us with a big hole in the backyard. He was horrible but I don't have the money to fix it now and my nephew has made a few workarounds for them to work, don't worry the toilet still flushes (shhh don't jinx it). 
Violence in the nieghborhood has grown so fast, in the last couple of months, there was a high-speed chase that ended up with a car hitting a pole and the engine and driver were ejected. The police were chasing him but they will never tell you that. We were up and witnessed it all. Another incident, my backyard connects to another home on the side. One of the sons there was shot to death in the backyard (that connects to mine). Gunshots and drivebys (which we've had) are a common thing here as are the dealers, johns and working girls. It's not what I grew up with and now we live like prisoners in our own home. We've been burglarized but the police here don't do anything unless you seem to know them or something. I don't think it's all of the police, just some that for some reason I seem to always have contact with when needed. 
We need to move, selling the house doesn't make enough money to get another place and I don't know where to turn. I truly need help. I read about gofundme accounts that help people take trips or even go on a diet. I need to save my family and I've never asked for help before. I need to move somewhere that is safe and what I end up leaving my family is not a burden but something that they can live and grow in.
May I please ask that if you can help, I would be forever grateful, but I understand that not everyone has it just like me. But if you can't help, could you please share it? Maybe someone that is looking for a family to invest in will see this and help in whatever way they can.  I'm open to any questions you might have and I'm sorry for this being so long. Thank you for reading this.
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It's raining today, they say it's going to be all day. It's days like this that make me worry. I worry about when the next thing will happen. Like waiting for the other shoe to fall, if you've ever heard that expression. Keeping my hopes up though did "spring" cleaning yesterday and the smell of bleach in the house is evidence of that. lol If the rain stops this week, hopefully, we can get outside and get at least some weedeating done. Thanks for reading.
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Campaign created 1 month ago
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