mother leaving abuse: needs your support
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Dear Community,
We know that the most dangerous time for a person coping with a situation involving domestic violence is when they choose to leave. Leaving is hard, hard work. When we leave is when the person using abuse is most violent and unpredictable. When we leave, we lose our homes, our financial security, our neighbors, our friends, and even our families. We leave when the pain of staying is too great. We leave for our children. We leave for ourselves.
I know because I am a survivor of domestic violence, and in my life today I am a leader in our community working to disrupt gender based and intimate partner violence in our communities.
When I left, I was too afraid and ashamed to ask for help. Most people had no idea how bad it really was; what I was really going through. I thought I had to be silent to protect my kids & other family members who at the time were facing challenges of their own.
I survived.
And I also believe NO ONE should go through this experience alone. We stand together, we work together, we raise each other up.
This is not about me...I tell you about myself because I am hopeful that you can connect with my experience.
I need your help to help someone I love, and for her protection I must keep her name and the specific details about her story private.
Her story:
My friend is a smart, capable, talented woman. She did everything the "right" way; got married, waited to parent until she and her husband were in their 30's and financially stable, and is a devoted mother to her young child.
Since the birth of her child, her husband has become less predictable. Over time, he became less stable, more angry, and began to use force when upset.
...and then he lost his job.
He isolated himself from the world. He behaved erratically. He became emotionally, verbally, psychologically, financially and physically violent towards my friend.
My friend began to lock herself in a separate bedroom at night, hiding jars under the bed because she was afraid to leave the room to use the bathroom.
She would call me, whispering from behind locked doors, texting from the closet where she hid from her husband. It was no way to live.
We would talk through her options, but the roadblocks seemed, to her, to be insurmountable. "If only he could get help." "He was depressed." "If only he could get a job." It was not my job to tell her when to leave; it was my job to remind her that she has a choice.
And finally, one day, she had enough.
She filed for an Order for Protection to keep herself and their child safe. Upon her husband leaving their home, my friend was so afraid. "What if he came back?"
I slept at her house for the first few nights she and their child were there alone. Shortly thereafter, she learned that her car was about to be repossessed. Her phone about to be shut off. There was barely any food in the refrigerator. The rent was past due...
We were able to pull dollars together to meet the basic minimum last month.
But she is in an emergency situation, as her husband is not providing any financial support to their child.
My friend received only a few short days notice that she needs to move out immediately or else face eviction.
She needs to maintain transportation as she obtains employment, find child care for their child, put a deposit down on a new place to live, and needs to be able to pay her phone bill.
I hope you will join me in supporting my courageous friend; I hope you will stand with survivors. Thank you all.
With love,
Christin
We know that the most dangerous time for a person coping with a situation involving domestic violence is when they choose to leave. Leaving is hard, hard work. When we leave is when the person using abuse is most violent and unpredictable. When we leave, we lose our homes, our financial security, our neighbors, our friends, and even our families. We leave when the pain of staying is too great. We leave for our children. We leave for ourselves.
I know because I am a survivor of domestic violence, and in my life today I am a leader in our community working to disrupt gender based and intimate partner violence in our communities.
When I left, I was too afraid and ashamed to ask for help. Most people had no idea how bad it really was; what I was really going through. I thought I had to be silent to protect my kids & other family members who at the time were facing challenges of their own.
I survived.
And I also believe NO ONE should go through this experience alone. We stand together, we work together, we raise each other up.
This is not about me...I tell you about myself because I am hopeful that you can connect with my experience.
I need your help to help someone I love, and for her protection I must keep her name and the specific details about her story private.
Her story:
My friend is a smart, capable, talented woman. She did everything the "right" way; got married, waited to parent until she and her husband were in their 30's and financially stable, and is a devoted mother to her young child.
Since the birth of her child, her husband has become less predictable. Over time, he became less stable, more angry, and began to use force when upset.
...and then he lost his job.
He isolated himself from the world. He behaved erratically. He became emotionally, verbally, psychologically, financially and physically violent towards my friend.
My friend began to lock herself in a separate bedroom at night, hiding jars under the bed because she was afraid to leave the room to use the bathroom.
She would call me, whispering from behind locked doors, texting from the closet where she hid from her husband. It was no way to live.
We would talk through her options, but the roadblocks seemed, to her, to be insurmountable. "If only he could get help." "He was depressed." "If only he could get a job." It was not my job to tell her when to leave; it was my job to remind her that she has a choice.
And finally, one day, she had enough.
She filed for an Order for Protection to keep herself and their child safe. Upon her husband leaving their home, my friend was so afraid. "What if he came back?"
I slept at her house for the first few nights she and their child were there alone. Shortly thereafter, she learned that her car was about to be repossessed. Her phone about to be shut off. There was barely any food in the refrigerator. The rent was past due...
We were able to pull dollars together to meet the basic minimum last month.
But she is in an emergency situation, as her husband is not providing any financial support to their child.
My friend received only a few short days notice that she needs to move out immediately or else face eviction.
She needs to maintain transportation as she obtains employment, find child care for their child, put a deposit down on a new place to live, and needs to be able to pay her phone bill.
I hope you will join me in supporting my courageous friend; I hope you will stand with survivors. Thank you all.
With love,
Christin
Organizer
Christin Crabtree
Organizer
Hopkins, MN