Help Padma leave the Porn Industry!
Donation protected
My name is Padma Dharmata, and, for some time, I've been a slave to the porn industry---and I desperately want out. The following is a letter than I have written to my friends and followers, as I ask for support in my transition, and to support the writing of my book:
(Warning: EXPLICIT)
Dear friends, followers, and fans:
I am a slave to the porn industry. And I want out. I want to stop fucking myself with a huge dildo every night just to make another sale. I want to stop abusing my mind and body over and over again. I want to be completely free of the porn industry and all of its societal slavery.
So, how did this happen? To answer that, one has to look back to why I began porn in the first place. And from there, one must also look back further into my abuse-ridden childhood. This isn't something I can just easily and simply express within a few short sentences. Not even close. This is why I am writing a book---my life story; experiences; rises and falls; laughter and tears; sex and spirituality; every unanswered question answered. I rose from the ashes of a childhood full of mental, emotional, and physical abuse; an adolescence of sexual suppression via my parents; a strict, religious upbringing that I had no choice but to adhere to; the cooperation of my mother "so long as there wasn't a bruise". A household that did not allow space for the blossoming flower of a child to explore sexuality as it so happens naturally, but yet is shamed and promised punishment to the depths of hell, until it is an overwhelming fear that "the devil" will overtake her body during any potential ecstasy of masturbation, much less sex! I rose from the ashes of self-mutilation of regularly crushing my own breasts when I entered puberty, because I was ashamed to be a woman. I rose from the ashes of anorexia and bulimia during middle school and high school, because I was afraid of developing curves, hips, and a round ass. Wishing I could just be a boy, so I didn't have to constantly endure the "sex talks", judgments, and body-shaming from my dad. From religious oppression, self-hatred, failed relationships and marriages, and the inbred anxiety that left me paralyzed in bed, night after night---that left me crying to some invisible God to please take it all away, and just let me sleep for once. To just let me live my life.
I rose from the ashes of it all, and, over the years, I eventually came to a place of wanting to express my newfound sexual freedom! I had been practicing yoga, and even eventually became a teacher, but never quite found the avenue to bridge the gap between expressing my sexuality and spirituality. Inevitably, that missing element led me to experimenting with porn. I began to create films and erotic art, as a message to the world that the naked body and human sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of, but instead should be embraced, expressed, and lived out, regardless of what society or even one's family's beliefs may be!
So, what is it that I'm here to say? The heartfelt energy to express myself through porn is gone, and now I feel that I have become a slave to it all, as I've been unable to find the exit. What began as an element of self-expression and empowerment has slowly, over the years, become a very complicated, sticky web of entrapment.
I'm not embarrassed of any of my work or actions. I don't regret anything. I don't feel that I have done anything wrong, despite the few who do try to shame me, blackmail me, or judge me, relentlessly---and harshly. It doesn't affect me in the least (thought it does become tiring to constantly have to defend myself, or experience the encounters, at all), and I have nothing to hide from anyone. I'm very open about who I am and what I believe, perhaps even to a fault, and haven't hidden my porn life even from my own parents and family (who perhaps judge me most harshly of all).
However, very naturally, of my own accord, about six months ago, I began to feel compelled to phase myself out of porn, and pursue other avenues in my life, even if that includes other forms of erotic art. I am a very inspired and motivated individual, and highly creative. Highly creative. It would be my dream to be able to write, paint, sew, photograph, and create all day long without a worry in the world. Yet, at the same time, there are a lot of financial responsibilities that I have now that I didn't have a few years ago, albeit that I live very minimalistically and frugally. And the moment that I decide to quit porn: I'm nearly instantly unable to buy groceries, utilities are getting cut off, rent is going unpaid, and there's a risk of going to jail for being unable to pay child support. Not within weeks, but within days or hours. Regardless of how inspired I am to write my book. Regardless of how motivated I am to create music with my best friend. Regardless of how much I feel in my heart that I want to live in my van and travel the country and the world, loving people and waking people up to the reality of their own heart! Regardless of how badly I want to save the world from their own oppression, whatever it may be!
And so, facing this reality, I get into the mindset of "well, let me just work really hard for a few weeks or a couple months, and get together the money to make the transition out of porn and into other things. And since November, I've been doing that. For six months. And literally, in focusing on the money-making aspect, I set aside my heart, and wiggle my butt and spread my pussy for a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Because even though I know my worth, and my core audience knows my worth, with every fresh face, there's less and less energy that I have to paint another picture of who I am, and yet sell myself as something even I don't fully believe in, anymore, in those moments. Over. And over. And over. And eventually, I've drained myself of all energy. Of all creative energy. Of my own sexual energy. Of interactive energy of wanting to interact with people at all. Especially those who just want to be around me or talk to me for something to gain on their own part. Almost everybody I encounter (in this realm) wants something from me---whether it's a piece of pussy, or money, or free content, or even to try to convince me to live my life how they deem "appropriate". And I'm tired of it. I'm so fucking tired of it all, I almost cannot handle even answering most of my public messages anymore, even though I absolutely love all of my fans.
I just no longer have the correct energy for it. My heart has moved elsewhere. But again, when it does, I'm nearly instantly broke. #Instabroke. And then I'm pulled right back into the cycle of having to keep working in porn, to try and make enough money in order to support myself for a few weeks to a month, in order to get out of porn! It's been a vicious and tiring cycle that has continued for over six months, and I have yet been able to find my way ahead of any bills any more than for just a moment. How many times have I cried because I just don't want to fuck myself with a big dildo tonight, when it's not where my natural energy lies in this moment? How much fucking frustration I have endured, more or less due to the fact that I'm tired of being associated as a "great ass", or "amazing pussy". The art of it all has been lost, and I have become a slave in misery to that which I once loved.
Yes, I do have a big ass, and yes, I have a mega-wonderful pussy---things I cannot deny, and actually very much enjoy sharing in the right moments. But being seen only as such, so much is overlooked and forgotten. And I'm so much more than just a piece of jack-off material. Again, I don't regret anything, and I enjoy that my art and essence is enjoyed, even as jack-off material. I've had a lot of fun, and so much of it is very natural for me, and I especially appreciate all of the wonderful interactions with so many amazing fans and followers, especially those expressing how they do see the magic in all that I do and it has literally changed their lives... (Those are the moments that I live for.)
My heart has moved on, and I literally cannot force myself to work another day in the porn industry. It's time for my heart to be expressed in a bolder format, and I have to listen. When the heart speaks, we have to let the motherfucker talk---else we'll have no peace in this life, and we drive ourselves into a dark, miserable depression. That's not me. I have so much life and vitality within me, even in this moment! We can all change our entire lives in one single instant, and that's the path I have to choose to follow. It's time to write my book, and the world should hear this story...
Will I ever stop being sexual or sensual? Never; it's a part of my soul. Will I ever stop being an advocate for masturbation and/or self-love? Absolutely not. Will you hear from me again? Absolutely. In fact, you can follow me on Instagram (@padmadharmata ) to keep up with my journeys, travels, and adventures. <3 I absolutely love every single one of my fans and followers...
In closing---I do want to ask for your help, for those who can help. I absolutely cannot work another day in porn, but I'd like to be able to comfortably eat and pay a few bills over the next several weeks while I transition into my next platform, as I begin the serious stages of writing my book. As many of you know, I'm a part of an electro-rap-rock group (Booty and the B, look it up ), I'm a graphic designer, artist, writer, and yogi. I have many things going for me, and many things to rely on, so I am asking for your help---to help me get through the transition, financially, and to support the writing of my book, "Memoirs of a Pornstar Yogi"! The more that I can raise, the more seriously I can focus on my book, and have it published. I would absolutely love to send a personal "thank you" to everyone who can contribute, and for certain donation amounts, I would like to offer a copy of my book, once it has been published!
You may contribute here, or directly (speak to me personally about this option). Any direct contributions will be reflected here.
Thank you all, so much, for your love and support. Much love to you all. True love.
Padma Dharmata
(Warning: EXPLICIT)
Dear friends, followers, and fans:
I am a slave to the porn industry. And I want out. I want to stop fucking myself with a huge dildo every night just to make another sale. I want to stop abusing my mind and body over and over again. I want to be completely free of the porn industry and all of its societal slavery.
So, how did this happen? To answer that, one has to look back to why I began porn in the first place. And from there, one must also look back further into my abuse-ridden childhood. This isn't something I can just easily and simply express within a few short sentences. Not even close. This is why I am writing a book---my life story; experiences; rises and falls; laughter and tears; sex and spirituality; every unanswered question answered. I rose from the ashes of a childhood full of mental, emotional, and physical abuse; an adolescence of sexual suppression via my parents; a strict, religious upbringing that I had no choice but to adhere to; the cooperation of my mother "so long as there wasn't a bruise". A household that did not allow space for the blossoming flower of a child to explore sexuality as it so happens naturally, but yet is shamed and promised punishment to the depths of hell, until it is an overwhelming fear that "the devil" will overtake her body during any potential ecstasy of masturbation, much less sex! I rose from the ashes of self-mutilation of regularly crushing my own breasts when I entered puberty, because I was ashamed to be a woman. I rose from the ashes of anorexia and bulimia during middle school and high school, because I was afraid of developing curves, hips, and a round ass. Wishing I could just be a boy, so I didn't have to constantly endure the "sex talks", judgments, and body-shaming from my dad. From religious oppression, self-hatred, failed relationships and marriages, and the inbred anxiety that left me paralyzed in bed, night after night---that left me crying to some invisible God to please take it all away, and just let me sleep for once. To just let me live my life.
I rose from the ashes of it all, and, over the years, I eventually came to a place of wanting to express my newfound sexual freedom! I had been practicing yoga, and even eventually became a teacher, but never quite found the avenue to bridge the gap between expressing my sexuality and spirituality. Inevitably, that missing element led me to experimenting with porn. I began to create films and erotic art, as a message to the world that the naked body and human sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of, but instead should be embraced, expressed, and lived out, regardless of what society or even one's family's beliefs may be!
So, what is it that I'm here to say? The heartfelt energy to express myself through porn is gone, and now I feel that I have become a slave to it all, as I've been unable to find the exit. What began as an element of self-expression and empowerment has slowly, over the years, become a very complicated, sticky web of entrapment.
I'm not embarrassed of any of my work or actions. I don't regret anything. I don't feel that I have done anything wrong, despite the few who do try to shame me, blackmail me, or judge me, relentlessly---and harshly. It doesn't affect me in the least (thought it does become tiring to constantly have to defend myself, or experience the encounters, at all), and I have nothing to hide from anyone. I'm very open about who I am and what I believe, perhaps even to a fault, and haven't hidden my porn life even from my own parents and family (who perhaps judge me most harshly of all).
However, very naturally, of my own accord, about six months ago, I began to feel compelled to phase myself out of porn, and pursue other avenues in my life, even if that includes other forms of erotic art. I am a very inspired and motivated individual, and highly creative. Highly creative. It would be my dream to be able to write, paint, sew, photograph, and create all day long without a worry in the world. Yet, at the same time, there are a lot of financial responsibilities that I have now that I didn't have a few years ago, albeit that I live very minimalistically and frugally. And the moment that I decide to quit porn: I'm nearly instantly unable to buy groceries, utilities are getting cut off, rent is going unpaid, and there's a risk of going to jail for being unable to pay child support. Not within weeks, but within days or hours. Regardless of how inspired I am to write my book. Regardless of how motivated I am to create music with my best friend. Regardless of how much I feel in my heart that I want to live in my van and travel the country and the world, loving people and waking people up to the reality of their own heart! Regardless of how badly I want to save the world from their own oppression, whatever it may be!
And so, facing this reality, I get into the mindset of "well, let me just work really hard for a few weeks or a couple months, and get together the money to make the transition out of porn and into other things. And since November, I've been doing that. For six months. And literally, in focusing on the money-making aspect, I set aside my heart, and wiggle my butt and spread my pussy for a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Because even though I know my worth, and my core audience knows my worth, with every fresh face, there's less and less energy that I have to paint another picture of who I am, and yet sell myself as something even I don't fully believe in, anymore, in those moments. Over. And over. And over. And eventually, I've drained myself of all energy. Of all creative energy. Of my own sexual energy. Of interactive energy of wanting to interact with people at all. Especially those who just want to be around me or talk to me for something to gain on their own part. Almost everybody I encounter (in this realm) wants something from me---whether it's a piece of pussy, or money, or free content, or even to try to convince me to live my life how they deem "appropriate". And I'm tired of it. I'm so fucking tired of it all, I almost cannot handle even answering most of my public messages anymore, even though I absolutely love all of my fans.
I just no longer have the correct energy for it. My heart has moved elsewhere. But again, when it does, I'm nearly instantly broke. #Instabroke. And then I'm pulled right back into the cycle of having to keep working in porn, to try and make enough money in order to support myself for a few weeks to a month, in order to get out of porn! It's been a vicious and tiring cycle that has continued for over six months, and I have yet been able to find my way ahead of any bills any more than for just a moment. How many times have I cried because I just don't want to fuck myself with a big dildo tonight, when it's not where my natural energy lies in this moment? How much fucking frustration I have endured, more or less due to the fact that I'm tired of being associated as a "great ass", or "amazing pussy". The art of it all has been lost, and I have become a slave in misery to that which I once loved.
Yes, I do have a big ass, and yes, I have a mega-wonderful pussy---things I cannot deny, and actually very much enjoy sharing in the right moments. But being seen only as such, so much is overlooked and forgotten. And I'm so much more than just a piece of jack-off material. Again, I don't regret anything, and I enjoy that my art and essence is enjoyed, even as jack-off material. I've had a lot of fun, and so much of it is very natural for me, and I especially appreciate all of the wonderful interactions with so many amazing fans and followers, especially those expressing how they do see the magic in all that I do and it has literally changed their lives... (Those are the moments that I live for.)
My heart has moved on, and I literally cannot force myself to work another day in the porn industry. It's time for my heart to be expressed in a bolder format, and I have to listen. When the heart speaks, we have to let the motherfucker talk---else we'll have no peace in this life, and we drive ourselves into a dark, miserable depression. That's not me. I have so much life and vitality within me, even in this moment! We can all change our entire lives in one single instant, and that's the path I have to choose to follow. It's time to write my book, and the world should hear this story...
Will I ever stop being sexual or sensual? Never; it's a part of my soul. Will I ever stop being an advocate for masturbation and/or self-love? Absolutely not. Will you hear from me again? Absolutely. In fact, you can follow me on Instagram (@padmadharmata ) to keep up with my journeys, travels, and adventures. <3 I absolutely love every single one of my fans and followers...
In closing---I do want to ask for your help, for those who can help. I absolutely cannot work another day in porn, but I'd like to be able to comfortably eat and pay a few bills over the next several weeks while I transition into my next platform, as I begin the serious stages of writing my book. As many of you know, I'm a part of an electro-rap-rock group (Booty and the B, look it up ), I'm a graphic designer, artist, writer, and yogi. I have many things going for me, and many things to rely on, so I am asking for your help---to help me get through the transition, financially, and to support the writing of my book, "Memoirs of a Pornstar Yogi"! The more that I can raise, the more seriously I can focus on my book, and have it published. I would absolutely love to send a personal "thank you" to everyone who can contribute, and for certain donation amounts, I would like to offer a copy of my book, once it has been published!
You may contribute here, or directly (speak to me personally about this option). Any direct contributions will be reflected here.
Thank you all, so much, for your love and support. Much love to you all. True love.
Padma Dharmata
Organizer
Sarah Bailey
Organizer
Clarksville, TN
