LaShelle Heal-from-Cancer Fund
Donation protected
From LaShelle:
Dear Beloved,
The surgeon said that if melanoma returns it will look like spots the color of pencil led. Five days ago, just when I worked up the courage to look at fully at the excision site I saw two spots the color of pencil led on my new skin on the excision site. A heaviness descended upon me. It's hard to describe the level of helplessness that invaded. It is like living with a strange creature in my body. The familiar intermittent floods of anxiety and grief began. My mind required extra attention to keep it from spiraling in useless loops about how I might clear up the situation or make sense of it.
When I called the doctor Wednesday, the day after Christmas, they got me in within an hour and did a punch biopsy. This afternoon, Friday, the doctor called with the results - negative! No sign of melanoma!
I write you now in a "I just escaped an early death" euphoria.
Other than the hole and new soreness and stinging from the biopsy, the skin graft is almost completely healed. The plastic surgeon says I am free to resume normal activity and wear a sock on that foot. Well, he didn't say anything about socks, but I am relieved to be wearing one fully on my right foot. I don't need the large protective bandage I had been wearing and can use a bandage minimal enough to fit in a shoe once pain from the biopsy subsides.
I have had two physical therapy sessions. The PT assured me that I had enough heel remaining to walk normally again. Even though I have the okay to put weight on my heel, the muscles are tight from holding it off the ground since October 4th and I am not yet able to put it on the ground. And, still, there is tenderness there and the area remains sensitized. I will continue with at least six more physical therapy sessions to loosen up skin and muscles in the foot and calf. Still using crutches for a while, but nothing can keep me from my bike.
I am also attempting to get realigned with the help of a chiropractor and Alexander body worker. They have been instrumental in providing relief from pain, healing energy, and caring.
2019 will be a year of: a cancer prevention diet called the ketogenic diet, acrobatics, bike riding, loving, meditating, gigong, playing with animals, and doing my best to contribute meaningfully.
I hope this finds you all well and happy and facing life's challenges with equanimity and resiliency. I have deep thanks for your willingness to accompany me on this journey.
With incredible love and gratitude,
LaShelle
****************
From LaShelle:
Dear Beloved Ones,
I am happy to report that the danger of losing the graft is past. Ahhh, such relief. While keeping my foot up is still a regular thing, I don't have to have quite the hamstring stretch above chest level.
The doctor would like me to start putting pressure on the ball of the foot. This, while exciting as it relates to walking again, stimulates more pain and I am aware of a weariness that comes with managing pain.
With the relief of not losing the graft, I find space for more integration regarding the last six weeks. In the weeks that I faced the statistic of a %50 mortality rate and heavy faces and words of medical staff, I came up against the real possibility of life being much shorter than I hoped for. As such, a few things came sharply into awareness.
One, I don't have any idea what it physically feels like to die. This was more terrifying than I expected. It showed me how fully I had turned my consciousness away from that eventuality, like many, I suppose. Even now, I can feel the impulse to turn away again. I will continue to sit with this and see how it evolves.
Another, is an intense bittersweet feeling. The bigness of grief right along side the fullness of joy in life. With this, I am inspired to deepen my already ongoing practice of allowing myself to be more deeply affected by life. This for me means allowing experience to flow through uninhibited. When I am not grasping, pushing away, or caught in the proliferation of thoughts, life shows itself through me; in tears of grief, in the tensing of fear, in the shimmering brightness of joy, and the cool relaxation of tranquility. May I be a responsive participant in this dynamic life.
Lastly, the richness of life popped into sharp awareness much like what happens when the mind is exceptionally clear after a long meditation retreat. With this felt sense, came an even firmer resolve to live engaged with the vibrancy, complexity, beauty, and subtlety of life. I am reminded of Marshall Rosenberg saying to not do anything that isn't play. Play is about fully embracing life, when aversion and grasping can drop away there is just this intimate engagement.
On the day to day this means a couple of things. First is maintaining enough power of mind, through mindfulness and concentration practice, that I can actually notice aversion and grasping then release it. For me, I see this as a layered practice. There are spontaneous moments of complete freedom. There are relative levels of freedom in the minutes and hours of a day. It is a continuous practice. I am inspired in this practice as I remember the stories of the Buddha in which even after his awakening, he continued to practice meditation. I take from this, that practice is not about arriving, but a continuous engagement that, when well guided, evolves into a fuller and fuller embrace with life.
Secondly, life is filled with practical choices. And, I vow to choose that which is a form of play. There is just too much preciousness to spend a single moment doing something from "should's." Sometimes a simple change of perspective evaporates a should and I can proceed with a particular decision in a new way. Sometimes it means setting clear boundaries and saying no, to that which I am not able to find aliveness in no matter how much I work with my mind. When idealism and the belief "I have to" are not at play, this is a pretty obvious decision process.
This is what I have for now dear ones. Every day I hold you close in my heart reflecting on your words, wishes, and offerings with gratitude and a relaxing into your supportive embrace.
With love and warmth,
LaShelle
**********************
From LaShelle:
Hello Beloved Ones,
I write you with a check in.
We had the second post-op check with the plastic surgeon today and another appointment with the general surgeon. Both commented that things are healing well. The graft is still tenuous but alive. The donor site on my thigh has signs of creating new skin and the plastic surgeon said I can slowly begin to take off the bandage. The general surgeon, who I find to be a friendly, grounded, and authentic woman will be doing an exam every three months to insure continued health.
Though I tried not to look, I did inadvertently glance at the excision site today. It is gruesome looking and about the size of an egg. Although with new blood vessels growing, it is not so cavernous as last week, so they tell me. Orders are to spend at least one more week with little movement and foot above heart.
Pain has steadily decreased with pain spikes being less spiky. Using painkillers only at night now.
The lack of natural endorphins from the absence of regular movement and exercise begins to take its toll. There is a weepiness that comes on over small things like missing the joy of walking my dog and working with my tea plants. I recognize it as the natural result of circumstance. This emotional "thinness" is a familiar symptom of lack of resource. Remedies abound such as naps, meditation, a friend taking me on dog walk by pushing me about in a wheelchair, bringing to mind the offerings from all of you, sitting out in the yard and watching my new bunny bound about in the grass, doing colorful art with oil and chalk pastels, cat purring on lap, cuddling with friends, housemates who love and care for me around the clock, and precious time working with students.
You are all often in my thoughts. You are continuously inspiring as I often revisit what you have written on this site. So very very precious.
In love and gratitude,
LaShelle
*****
Update from LaShelle:
I have no doubts that your prayers, wishes, and visualizations have been helpful with our most recent test results!
The biopsy of the lymph node has come back clear and free of cancer cells and the margins of the excision are also clear!
Tears of relief! I am a healthy strong person! I look forward to continuing to contribute, play, and love for as long as possible.
The skin graft is healthy and still has significant work to do to adhere itself. I will need to keep my foot above my heart at least one more week to continue to support it's healing. Where they took the skin from on my thigh is beginning to heal and remains free from infection. Side effects of immobility are uncomfortable, but bearable. In a couples of weeks I will start physical therapy to help my body learn how to walk in a new way.
Thank you so much for your support. I will continue to lean into all you have offered as this process evolves in the direction of recovery, healing, and prevention.
Update from LaShelle:
Dear Friends,
I can't describe to you and the relief and confidence I feel having received all your support. When meditating, I relax and open as much as I can and invite all your prayers and love into me. I visualize the love from you all circulating through my body. Also, when I get another expense that insurance didn't cover as much as I would hope, I don't have tension running up my chest, but rather I feel the peace of knowing support is there and we can get through this.
In surgery yesterday they took 1/3 of my heel, 2inch by 2inch patch of skin from my thigh for the skin graft, and 2 lymph nodes from my groin area. We will get the results of the lymph node biopsy in 8-10 days. So far the most physically painful part of the process was the numbing medicine in my heel before the three biopsies, and the injection of radioactive fluid in the nerve layer of my heel which is how they find the lymph nodes. I am feeling pretty good right now, well enough to write you :)
For now our concern is that the skin graft adheres itself to my heel and grows there, and, of course, that there are no cancer cells in the lymph.
In great gratitude and warmth,
LaShelle
********
Update from LaShelle:
Great news, great news, great news, The PET CT scan showed no significant cancer clumps in the rest of my body!!!! I plan to stay in this beautiful life with you all much longer!!!
I sincerely believe that all your prayers were instrumental! I have deep deep gratitude for your offerings. I read each and every message sent and absorbed the healing and nourishing energy of your prayers, words, and generosity. I feel incredibly blessed and loved by the outpouring of your response. I will continue to lean into to what you have offered as I move through the next steps in cancer treatment, in the next few months and in the next few years.
I can't imagine how these 16 days would've been without years of meditation practice supporting me. Amidst the dark cloud of a possible untimely death, I could still direct my mind again and again to that which supported enjoyment of this precious life and movement toward healing. I could laugh, smile, teach classes, love and support others, see myself filled with clear healing light, and enjoy all of you.
I am in in a state of happy shock because the prognosis for the melanoma I have is particularly poor. The doctor had said the biopsy results were the worst possible - high growth rate of cancer cells, penetration into the nerve cells beyond the epidermal layer, and several months before being discovered. All this indicates that the melanoma could have spread easily. Yet it stayed contained. I imagine those little cancer fighting T-Cells as warriors that were strengthened by love and prayers from you all!
The next step is surgery which will likely be Thursday. They will remove approximately a third of my right heel on the inside of my foot. The plastic surgeon will then take a skin graft from my leg and sew it on the area removed. I will eventually be able to walk again, though nerve endings don't return for 6 months. Walking will always be awkward as the heel tissue never grows back and the skin graft is not the same quality as the heel. I will need to keep my foot above my heart for 3 weeks.
The pet ct scan does not show individual cancer cells so it could still be in the lymph system. They will remove the lymph node in the calf during heel surgery and do a biopsy to find out. If it is in the lymph system, immunotherapy will be needed. We will offer another update when we know.
Thank you again for your support and incredible generosity! So happy to be alive and feeling optimistic that I will be with you for many years to come!
************
Hello friends,
My name is Sarah Zimmerman. For those who do not know me, I am part of the Wise Heart team (http://wiseheartpdx.org/about.html), and I am organizing this fundraiser.
LaShelle Lowe-Chardé was diagnosed with melanoma of her heel on October 3, 2018.
Although skin melanoma normally has one of the highest 5-year survival rates, melanoma of the heel often has poor outcomes because it is usually discovered when it is late stage and has already spread to the body.
It is very critical once it has been discovered to move quickly to treatment, which at times requires significant financial resources.
We are moving quickly with a team of doctors to surgically remove the cancerous tissue and assess if and where it has spread.
We are asking for help from the many communities that LaShelle is part of to help limit the financial burdens of the urgent and critical medical treatment that she needs to quickly heal from this diagnosis.
If there is money that is raised that she does not need to use for costs associated with her cancer diagnosis, she will be donating it to the Humane Society of Oregon.
Please feel free to share this. We will keep everyone updated on this page as we know more (right now, we should know more early next week).
Dear Beloved,
The surgeon said that if melanoma returns it will look like spots the color of pencil led. Five days ago, just when I worked up the courage to look at fully at the excision site I saw two spots the color of pencil led on my new skin on the excision site. A heaviness descended upon me. It's hard to describe the level of helplessness that invaded. It is like living with a strange creature in my body. The familiar intermittent floods of anxiety and grief began. My mind required extra attention to keep it from spiraling in useless loops about how I might clear up the situation or make sense of it.
When I called the doctor Wednesday, the day after Christmas, they got me in within an hour and did a punch biopsy. This afternoon, Friday, the doctor called with the results - negative! No sign of melanoma!
I write you now in a "I just escaped an early death" euphoria.
Other than the hole and new soreness and stinging from the biopsy, the skin graft is almost completely healed. The plastic surgeon says I am free to resume normal activity and wear a sock on that foot. Well, he didn't say anything about socks, but I am relieved to be wearing one fully on my right foot. I don't need the large protective bandage I had been wearing and can use a bandage minimal enough to fit in a shoe once pain from the biopsy subsides.
I have had two physical therapy sessions. The PT assured me that I had enough heel remaining to walk normally again. Even though I have the okay to put weight on my heel, the muscles are tight from holding it off the ground since October 4th and I am not yet able to put it on the ground. And, still, there is tenderness there and the area remains sensitized. I will continue with at least six more physical therapy sessions to loosen up skin and muscles in the foot and calf. Still using crutches for a while, but nothing can keep me from my bike.
I am also attempting to get realigned with the help of a chiropractor and Alexander body worker. They have been instrumental in providing relief from pain, healing energy, and caring.
2019 will be a year of: a cancer prevention diet called the ketogenic diet, acrobatics, bike riding, loving, meditating, gigong, playing with animals, and doing my best to contribute meaningfully.
I hope this finds you all well and happy and facing life's challenges with equanimity and resiliency. I have deep thanks for your willingness to accompany me on this journey.
With incredible love and gratitude,
LaShelle
****************
From LaShelle:
Dear Beloved Ones,
I am happy to report that the danger of losing the graft is past. Ahhh, such relief. While keeping my foot up is still a regular thing, I don't have to have quite the hamstring stretch above chest level.
The doctor would like me to start putting pressure on the ball of the foot. This, while exciting as it relates to walking again, stimulates more pain and I am aware of a weariness that comes with managing pain.
With the relief of not losing the graft, I find space for more integration regarding the last six weeks. In the weeks that I faced the statistic of a %50 mortality rate and heavy faces and words of medical staff, I came up against the real possibility of life being much shorter than I hoped for. As such, a few things came sharply into awareness.
One, I don't have any idea what it physically feels like to die. This was more terrifying than I expected. It showed me how fully I had turned my consciousness away from that eventuality, like many, I suppose. Even now, I can feel the impulse to turn away again. I will continue to sit with this and see how it evolves.
Another, is an intense bittersweet feeling. The bigness of grief right along side the fullness of joy in life. With this, I am inspired to deepen my already ongoing practice of allowing myself to be more deeply affected by life. This for me means allowing experience to flow through uninhibited. When I am not grasping, pushing away, or caught in the proliferation of thoughts, life shows itself through me; in tears of grief, in the tensing of fear, in the shimmering brightness of joy, and the cool relaxation of tranquility. May I be a responsive participant in this dynamic life.
Lastly, the richness of life popped into sharp awareness much like what happens when the mind is exceptionally clear after a long meditation retreat. With this felt sense, came an even firmer resolve to live engaged with the vibrancy, complexity, beauty, and subtlety of life. I am reminded of Marshall Rosenberg saying to not do anything that isn't play. Play is about fully embracing life, when aversion and grasping can drop away there is just this intimate engagement.
On the day to day this means a couple of things. First is maintaining enough power of mind, through mindfulness and concentration practice, that I can actually notice aversion and grasping then release it. For me, I see this as a layered practice. There are spontaneous moments of complete freedom. There are relative levels of freedom in the minutes and hours of a day. It is a continuous practice. I am inspired in this practice as I remember the stories of the Buddha in which even after his awakening, he continued to practice meditation. I take from this, that practice is not about arriving, but a continuous engagement that, when well guided, evolves into a fuller and fuller embrace with life.
Secondly, life is filled with practical choices. And, I vow to choose that which is a form of play. There is just too much preciousness to spend a single moment doing something from "should's." Sometimes a simple change of perspective evaporates a should and I can proceed with a particular decision in a new way. Sometimes it means setting clear boundaries and saying no, to that which I am not able to find aliveness in no matter how much I work with my mind. When idealism and the belief "I have to" are not at play, this is a pretty obvious decision process.
This is what I have for now dear ones. Every day I hold you close in my heart reflecting on your words, wishes, and offerings with gratitude and a relaxing into your supportive embrace.
With love and warmth,
LaShelle
**********************
From LaShelle:
Hello Beloved Ones,
I write you with a check in.
We had the second post-op check with the plastic surgeon today and another appointment with the general surgeon. Both commented that things are healing well. The graft is still tenuous but alive. The donor site on my thigh has signs of creating new skin and the plastic surgeon said I can slowly begin to take off the bandage. The general surgeon, who I find to be a friendly, grounded, and authentic woman will be doing an exam every three months to insure continued health.
Though I tried not to look, I did inadvertently glance at the excision site today. It is gruesome looking and about the size of an egg. Although with new blood vessels growing, it is not so cavernous as last week, so they tell me. Orders are to spend at least one more week with little movement and foot above heart.
Pain has steadily decreased with pain spikes being less spiky. Using painkillers only at night now.
The lack of natural endorphins from the absence of regular movement and exercise begins to take its toll. There is a weepiness that comes on over small things like missing the joy of walking my dog and working with my tea plants. I recognize it as the natural result of circumstance. This emotional "thinness" is a familiar symptom of lack of resource. Remedies abound such as naps, meditation, a friend taking me on dog walk by pushing me about in a wheelchair, bringing to mind the offerings from all of you, sitting out in the yard and watching my new bunny bound about in the grass, doing colorful art with oil and chalk pastels, cat purring on lap, cuddling with friends, housemates who love and care for me around the clock, and precious time working with students.
You are all often in my thoughts. You are continuously inspiring as I often revisit what you have written on this site. So very very precious.
In love and gratitude,
LaShelle
*****
Update from LaShelle:
I have no doubts that your prayers, wishes, and visualizations have been helpful with our most recent test results!
The biopsy of the lymph node has come back clear and free of cancer cells and the margins of the excision are also clear!
Tears of relief! I am a healthy strong person! I look forward to continuing to contribute, play, and love for as long as possible.
The skin graft is healthy and still has significant work to do to adhere itself. I will need to keep my foot above my heart at least one more week to continue to support it's healing. Where they took the skin from on my thigh is beginning to heal and remains free from infection. Side effects of immobility are uncomfortable, but bearable. In a couples of weeks I will start physical therapy to help my body learn how to walk in a new way.
Thank you so much for your support. I will continue to lean into all you have offered as this process evolves in the direction of recovery, healing, and prevention.
Update from LaShelle:
Dear Friends,
I can't describe to you and the relief and confidence I feel having received all your support. When meditating, I relax and open as much as I can and invite all your prayers and love into me. I visualize the love from you all circulating through my body. Also, when I get another expense that insurance didn't cover as much as I would hope, I don't have tension running up my chest, but rather I feel the peace of knowing support is there and we can get through this.
In surgery yesterday they took 1/3 of my heel, 2inch by 2inch patch of skin from my thigh for the skin graft, and 2 lymph nodes from my groin area. We will get the results of the lymph node biopsy in 8-10 days. So far the most physically painful part of the process was the numbing medicine in my heel before the three biopsies, and the injection of radioactive fluid in the nerve layer of my heel which is how they find the lymph nodes. I am feeling pretty good right now, well enough to write you :)
For now our concern is that the skin graft adheres itself to my heel and grows there, and, of course, that there are no cancer cells in the lymph.
In great gratitude and warmth,
LaShelle
********
Update from LaShelle:
Great news, great news, great news, The PET CT scan showed no significant cancer clumps in the rest of my body!!!! I plan to stay in this beautiful life with you all much longer!!!
I sincerely believe that all your prayers were instrumental! I have deep deep gratitude for your offerings. I read each and every message sent and absorbed the healing and nourishing energy of your prayers, words, and generosity. I feel incredibly blessed and loved by the outpouring of your response. I will continue to lean into to what you have offered as I move through the next steps in cancer treatment, in the next few months and in the next few years.
I can't imagine how these 16 days would've been without years of meditation practice supporting me. Amidst the dark cloud of a possible untimely death, I could still direct my mind again and again to that which supported enjoyment of this precious life and movement toward healing. I could laugh, smile, teach classes, love and support others, see myself filled with clear healing light, and enjoy all of you.
I am in in a state of happy shock because the prognosis for the melanoma I have is particularly poor. The doctor had said the biopsy results were the worst possible - high growth rate of cancer cells, penetration into the nerve cells beyond the epidermal layer, and several months before being discovered. All this indicates that the melanoma could have spread easily. Yet it stayed contained. I imagine those little cancer fighting T-Cells as warriors that were strengthened by love and prayers from you all!
The next step is surgery which will likely be Thursday. They will remove approximately a third of my right heel on the inside of my foot. The plastic surgeon will then take a skin graft from my leg and sew it on the area removed. I will eventually be able to walk again, though nerve endings don't return for 6 months. Walking will always be awkward as the heel tissue never grows back and the skin graft is not the same quality as the heel. I will need to keep my foot above my heart for 3 weeks.
The pet ct scan does not show individual cancer cells so it could still be in the lymph system. They will remove the lymph node in the calf during heel surgery and do a biopsy to find out. If it is in the lymph system, immunotherapy will be needed. We will offer another update when we know.
Thank you again for your support and incredible generosity! So happy to be alive and feeling optimistic that I will be with you for many years to come!
************
Hello friends,
My name is Sarah Zimmerman. For those who do not know me, I am part of the Wise Heart team (http://wiseheartpdx.org/about.html), and I am organizing this fundraiser.
LaShelle Lowe-Chardé was diagnosed with melanoma of her heel on October 3, 2018.
Although skin melanoma normally has one of the highest 5-year survival rates, melanoma of the heel often has poor outcomes because it is usually discovered when it is late stage and has already spread to the body.
It is very critical once it has been discovered to move quickly to treatment, which at times requires significant financial resources.
We are moving quickly with a team of doctors to surgically remove the cancerous tissue and assess if and where it has spread.
We are asking for help from the many communities that LaShelle is part of to help limit the financial burdens of the urgent and critical medical treatment that she needs to quickly heal from this diagnosis.
If there is money that is raised that she does not need to use for costs associated with her cancer diagnosis, she will be donating it to the Humane Society of Oregon.
Please feel free to share this. We will keep everyone updated on this page as we know more (right now, we should know more early next week).
Organizer
Sarah Zimmerman
Organizer
Portland, OR
