“Save my Sister’s Children”

My sister’s ex-husband (D) and his new wife (J) want to take her children away from her. She is fighting back and needs our help.  Here is her story..

In 2014, after almost 9 years of marriage and two beautiful children, 3 and 5 years old at the time, D and I agreed to end our marriage. We shared joint custody of the children and still do to this day.  I thought it was a mutual agreement that it just wasn’t working.  But when our separation became public, friends started to tell me the truth – D and my close friend “J” were a couple and had been for a while.  J was also married with two children the same ages as ours. This separation was part of their plan, as J soon separated from her husband as well.  They eventually married in January 2015 – before either of their divorces were finalized – when J was 4 months pregnant with their own child.

We have all heard that stay at home moms who don’t work in order to be with their children suffer the most in a divorce and lose their standard of living. It is true, and I was a living example of that.

When D moved out, he took his name off the utilities and left me with $500 in the bank. I was a stay-at-home Mom at the time with no income of my own.  That was all I would get from him for EIGHT months. 

My electricity and water were being shut off. I was scrounging for food and clothes for my children while looking for employment.  D used this situation to continue the verbal and emotional abuse and constantly criticized me for the way I fed and clothed the children (Target isn't Brooks Brothers!).  You see, he believed he was now above my social class and he was working hard to prove it.  His new fiancée, J, sent her children to elite private schools. She belonged to country clubs and rubbed elbows with the wealthy in the DC area. That was the life D had always wanted, and I was a burden on him and on his plans. So he began a specific attempt to ruin me, keep me penniless, destroy my self-esteem and, eventually, take the children from me.  I have endured this for four and a half years now.  Here are just a few examples:

 . In the summer of 2014, he enrolled the children in private schools but listed J, not me, as their mother and did not even tell the schools that I existed.  

· In August of 2014, claiming he had no money, he offered to pay $700/month for child support until the children turned 18. We would share joint custody but he got final say on school placement.  At that time, I had no choice but to accept the agreement – it was all I could do to keep my head above water and something was better than the nothing I was getting at that point. He knew I had no money for a lawyer to fight him and leveraged that against me.

· In 2015, D decided to bring me back to court, insisting I pay more than $10,000 to them for money they’d spent on having my children tested for learning disabilities (without including me). I was set up and trapped – advised that I would owe D child support based on his declared income of $80k and money he is spending to keep the children in private schools, etc.  So to avoid paying him child support – how ridiculous is that! – I agreed to drive the children myself to and from school because, as D said, “That is what mothers do.” Unable to afford a good attorney of my own, He won.

·         By the fall of 2016, I was spending more than 5 hours in the car with the kids driving them to and from the schools D selected (conveniently for him). D offered to cover my expenses to break my lease and move closer to him and his new wife, J, which would make the school commuting easier on us – although at a higher cost of living for me. Realizing this would be an improvement for the kids, I found a way and spent all my meager savings to move.  But immediately after moving, he reneged on his promise and paid nothing.

·  I’ve found a GPS device on my car and private investigators stalk my house and take pictures of me and the children through the windows.

·   D enrolls the children in activities at their country club where, if I want to attend to support my children, I am not allowed to bring in outside food or drinks and cannot purchase anything as a non-member – making all-day swim meets in the hot summer sun unpleasant to say the least.

·   D routinely sends long texts and emails that berate everything about me, my work, my education, my appearance, etc.  Here is one sordid example: “You are literally too stupid to co- parent with.”

·  D has communicated in writing that he believes our separation agreement no longer applies to him and that because I don’t earn as much money as he and J, that J now has priority over me in parenting my children!

 Today, I work part-time as a personal assistant earning less than $20k a year. Part-time, because I still spend 4+ hours per day driving the children to and from distant schools as required. In fact, He also refused to drive the children to or from my house at any time so I’m responsible for all transportation to and from D&J’s home for shared custody as well.  So, in addition to the high cost of living in this area, approximately half of the $700 per month of child support is spent on gas alone.

 Meanwhile, D&J own a business that has brought in millions of dollars, live in a $1.7M home, have four luxury cars and have a $1.2M beach house in NJ, employ nannies and housekeepers to help full-time, spend more than $100k per year on private school tuition for 3 of their children, take lavish vacations on private jets and, obviously, can afford the best attorneys money can buy.  Yet somehow, he can only afford $700 per month in child support for two children.

For the last four years, it was all I could do to keep up my strength and my determination, but I did and I am stronger now because of it. That is important since it is now 2018 and I have again been presented with a court document from him, seeking full custody of the children and filled with supporting statements that are false and an outright assault on me and my character.

 I have had it with being bullied.  I am fighting back. I have hired an attorney to counter his assault on me and I am asking for full custody this time!   The children need a normal, calm environment to live in and need to attend a school that will address all of their needs that is close to home and to neighborhood friends.  Any help you can give me for legal fees will be greatly appreciated and used 100% to fight back and resolve this issue once and for all.  My lawyer estimates that this battle will cost between $20-30k. But standing up to this bully and fighting for my children and my own rights as their Mom is worth that and so much more! It’s also worth the pain of swallowing my pride and asking for help.