Terminal Woman NEEDS Mattress.
Hi! My name is Patiann. I'd like to think I am a WARRIOR ,as I am trying to live with metastatic, stage four breast cancer and recurrent colon cancer. The great news is, I'm still alive! Yahoo! The not-so-great news is the doctors recently found MORE cancer in my bones and I had to have more radiation and soon, an additional chemo. I've been battling cancer since 2001, with a smile on my face, and most of the time, I'm positive and happy. But, I'm starting to get scared. It's getting harder to walk,even with using my walker.I have huge bone pain.It feels like I am being crushed. I'm really fatigued lately, and just feel crappy. I haven't been sleeping well. I DESPERATELY NEED A NEW MATTRESS. But, we can't afford it as we only make about $500 a month. So, I'm trying AGAIN, to see if anyone can help. I priced them out, and a regular king size mattress is about $1000. I don't need anything fancy. Sure, I'd love a bed that is adjustable, or one of those tempurpedic fancy ones, but, I just want one that doesn't hurt! That is softer then this concrete feeling crappy forty year old one. It's hard enough to get through a day, but add in both cancers, med side effects, not sleeping well, and it all adds up to one really cranky me! Please, can you help?
Be Happy, Be Positive. Be a Fighter....they tell me. I AM. But, allow me moments where I crumble, moments when I need Support. Death isn't easy to face,smiling.
I try to still be a mom to my kids( one that has a rare disease and had over 30 surgeries since birth and has his own struggles and another son just trying to deal with a sick mom while trying to find his place in this world and a daughter who is pulling away because it's too painful to watch her mom die.)I want to be a wife for my husband, but it's really hard to do that when I'm sick and in bed.He is watching his wife die a slow death. He doesn't know what to do,so he is quiet and withdrawn. You could really help by helping ME. I desperately need a new mattress. Also, I could use help with cleaning, driving to errands, homemade lunches or dinners or fun things,like little trips. (#1 on my bucket list is to take my granddaughter to Universal Studios) These cancers have taken over our lives. It's sucked all the joy out of me. It takes all that I am just to get up,shower and get dressed most days. I'm tired. I hurt. A good nights sleep might help me feel a little better.
The doctors have said one treatment option is to stop treatments. Um, did you see my kids, my grandkids,my husband's face?, Really.
----------------------------------FROM LAST YEAR:
Hi. I'm not so sure about this. Ok, so, you all know I have cancer. You know it's been a difficult battle for twelve years now. But, you may not know just how difficult it really is. You see me on my good days. I'm out and about, doing things. But it's the days you don't see me. The times when I cannot get out of bed because I am so sick. The nights where I cry alone. When I ask John to rub my back to distract me from the bone pain, but he doesn't do it, because,even he doesn't understand how bad it is. The moments when I feel utterly alone. I hate not being able to do things. Not just the fun stuff, but things like making dinner for my family, or doing my own laundry. I hate feeling so sick. Right now, my head hurts really bad, and I am so nauseas. I would've gone to the ER today, but with John not working and us not having health insurance, that isn't an option. Yet, I fear my cancer is progressing. I can tell. My 'color' is off and I just feel worse. I'm soooo tired , all the time, even after sleeping. My body hurts. I wish i could get away. Do something fun. But, we can't . We can barely afford my meds. It sucks to be honest. I hear about other people going on vacations, and it's like a huge slap in the face. I've forgotten what fun is! Cancer has taken my fun away. It's so hard to see life continuing for other people. My youngest son off and working, my oldest daughter who has so much going on with her kids and new house remodel. It seems like I'm stuck in bed, while they are off doing all the fun things. Sometimes it feels like they forget about me. I know they are busy though.
I jut wish I could go places and see things before I die. There is so much I wanted to do! I wish I could've gone to Washington, DC. I'd have also liked to visit colonial Williamsburg. Heck, I wish I had the strength to just go on day trips to New Hope, or Fanuiel Hall. I want to make memories. I want to see more! I'm sick of this bed, this room, this house! I want OUT!
I'd really like out of this cancer too! I thought I had won the battle of me verses colon cancer, but no, it came back. Add that to the fact that I have terminal breast cancer with bone mets, and well...ugg! I hurt. Everyday. It's impossible to escape from it. Mybody wont 'go'. Yet my brain and heart really want to go somewhere, anywhere,to escape the pain for a while. To have some fun. To see John smile, and not have to be his sick wife. If only for a moment! That's what I want most... To do stuff with John, and have him smile and laugh again. He hasn't done that in a long time! I wish we could take a trip back to our hometown. To remember how we were when we first met.... Without cancer. I want him to hold my hand, as we run about town, like the glory days. I'd sell my soul to be able to have his old roadrunner car back, and go on a road trip with him!
I found a gel/foam mattress at Walmart for $320. I'm going to try that and see if it helps. It got really GREAT reviews by 389 people. Big Huge THANK YOU's to everyone who donated to the cause. Y'all are so special to me and you will be in my thoughts and prayers each time I lay myself down to sleep. Thank you so much for caring, and sharing. Love ,Patiann
Love to each of you! XoXoX- Patiann