Help Trish Beat Cancer Again
Donation protected
It's been just over a year since I wrote the words I'm Possible; where I came out of hiding last year about the cancer that I was dealing with, to share that I'd beat it. Life had been handing me big, difficult situations to solve and I was so grateful to have found a solution to one of them. And even though I felt really scared to share it... to let people know the struggles that I had been having... it ended up being amazing. And the support was overwhelming. It was the kind of post that people reach out to you privately to congratulate you on and where I got high fives from people I barely knew on the street.
This is no such post.
It's been just over a year. And life has not stopped handing me difficult situations to solve. I've been stepping up to each with an attitude of.. "Okay... I got this... I've got my health, and my kids are healthy. That's more than a lot of people have. I have no idea how to make this a win... but I'm going to get after it and make it one."
It's been just over a year. And as I wrote my Happy Cancerversary Post , I wrote the words “I'm now cancer free” knowing full well that it was possible that I was speaking too soon. But I put it out there with optimism. The same optimism that helped me to beat it last year, and the same optimism that allowed me to hold to that 10% chance that it wasn't back, even as I walked through those familiar doors and sat down in that familiar chair. I held to that possibility until the moment the words were out.
“Your cancer is back Trish. We're sorry”
So... it's been just over a year. A year wherein I finalized my divorce, became a single mom, had two surgeries, kicked cancers ass, sold my house and lost everything I had worked for in 20 years. A year wherein I've been busting ass and building my businesses up with a fresh fire that comes with having a clean slate and being given a second chance.
But it's also been a year wherein I've determined that if someone threatens you that if you ever leave them, they will make your life a living hell, that they'll do their best to make good on that promise. A year where I've learned that if you're the responsible one, and there are unpaid debts that you didn't know about from your previous marriage, the government will take the tax return that was meant to pay your rent for a several months. A year wherein I've learned that the only thing that my ex has to do to avoid paying child support, is to simply not pay it.
This is a far cry from the victorious post of last year. And it's a really, shitty place to be when every fiber of your being has been focused on and dedicated to winning the fuck out of life. When your goals were to make the best of every situation, kick ass, be totally self sufficient financially and give your kids the best life possible. It is so, so, humbling to be sat here, having run every possible scenario of how to make this work on my own, and the only answer that keeps gently resurfacing through all of my frantic attempts to find a loophole is; “Trish, you need to ask for help”
So that's why I'm here. I have and continue to give each day my all. I continue to dedicate myself to shine a light for others, wherever I go. I continue to extend kindness, even towards those who try to break me down. I continue to be the best possible support to my kids that I can be.
But I am stripped to the bone. I am faced with having a more aggressive illness this time, with more aggressive treatments needed. I lost everything in my divorce. And the financial hits seem to keep coming as my ex continues to side step the law. I need to come up with money to cover living expenses and treatments upwards of $50,000, and I need the bulk of that in the next month so that I can begin treatment. And that's just the beginning. I don't even know what life will look like after that.
I genuinely wish I could just book enough work to be able to pay for it all myself, but I have no time. Treatment needs to start ASAP. And because the bulk of my income comes from weddings, and brides tend not to book wedding photographers they fear might be dead by their wedding date, I'm looking at big expenses and a huge hit to my income... on top of not knowing how I'll tolerate treatment and how much I'll actually be able to work.
I need to stay alive for my children. And I realize that every child needs their mother. But my situation is so complicated... so heavy... and the bottom line is that I need to stay alive for them.
If you know me, you know that I'm a fighter and I don't give up. If you don't know me, believe me when I tell you that I've got the fight in me like never before. But this life has in it lessons, that we might not want to learn, but that we have to. And I guess the universe wants me to learn that I don't have to always go it alone. Because I'm trying like hell to make it happen on my own... and it's just too big now.
If you can find it in your heart to donate, I would appreciate it so much. And if you can't donate, if you can share with those you know who might be able to. Every little bit helps.
Yours in humility and gratitude,
Trish
This is no such post.
It's been just over a year. And life has not stopped handing me difficult situations to solve. I've been stepping up to each with an attitude of.. "Okay... I got this... I've got my health, and my kids are healthy. That's more than a lot of people have. I have no idea how to make this a win... but I'm going to get after it and make it one."
It's been just over a year. And as I wrote my Happy Cancerversary Post , I wrote the words “I'm now cancer free” knowing full well that it was possible that I was speaking too soon. But I put it out there with optimism. The same optimism that helped me to beat it last year, and the same optimism that allowed me to hold to that 10% chance that it wasn't back, even as I walked through those familiar doors and sat down in that familiar chair. I held to that possibility until the moment the words were out.
“Your cancer is back Trish. We're sorry”
So... it's been just over a year. A year wherein I finalized my divorce, became a single mom, had two surgeries, kicked cancers ass, sold my house and lost everything I had worked for in 20 years. A year wherein I've been busting ass and building my businesses up with a fresh fire that comes with having a clean slate and being given a second chance.
But it's also been a year wherein I've determined that if someone threatens you that if you ever leave them, they will make your life a living hell, that they'll do their best to make good on that promise. A year where I've learned that if you're the responsible one, and there are unpaid debts that you didn't know about from your previous marriage, the government will take the tax return that was meant to pay your rent for a several months. A year wherein I've learned that the only thing that my ex has to do to avoid paying child support, is to simply not pay it.
This is a far cry from the victorious post of last year. And it's a really, shitty place to be when every fiber of your being has been focused on and dedicated to winning the fuck out of life. When your goals were to make the best of every situation, kick ass, be totally self sufficient financially and give your kids the best life possible. It is so, so, humbling to be sat here, having run every possible scenario of how to make this work on my own, and the only answer that keeps gently resurfacing through all of my frantic attempts to find a loophole is; “Trish, you need to ask for help”
So that's why I'm here. I have and continue to give each day my all. I continue to dedicate myself to shine a light for others, wherever I go. I continue to extend kindness, even towards those who try to break me down. I continue to be the best possible support to my kids that I can be.
But I am stripped to the bone. I am faced with having a more aggressive illness this time, with more aggressive treatments needed. I lost everything in my divorce. And the financial hits seem to keep coming as my ex continues to side step the law. I need to come up with money to cover living expenses and treatments upwards of $50,000, and I need the bulk of that in the next month so that I can begin treatment. And that's just the beginning. I don't even know what life will look like after that.
I genuinely wish I could just book enough work to be able to pay for it all myself, but I have no time. Treatment needs to start ASAP. And because the bulk of my income comes from weddings, and brides tend not to book wedding photographers they fear might be dead by their wedding date, I'm looking at big expenses and a huge hit to my income... on top of not knowing how I'll tolerate treatment and how much I'll actually be able to work.
I need to stay alive for my children. And I realize that every child needs their mother. But my situation is so complicated... so heavy... and the bottom line is that I need to stay alive for them.
If you know me, you know that I'm a fighter and I don't give up. If you don't know me, believe me when I tell you that I've got the fight in me like never before. But this life has in it lessons, that we might not want to learn, but that we have to. And I guess the universe wants me to learn that I don't have to always go it alone. Because I'm trying like hell to make it happen on my own... and it's just too big now.
If you can find it in your heart to donate, I would appreciate it so much. And if you can't donate, if you can share with those you know who might be able to. Every little bit helps.
Yours in humility and gratitude,
Trish
Organizer
Trish Donroe Barker
Organizer
Kula, HI
