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Help quadruple amputee mom drive!

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Let me begin by expressing my extreme gratefulness for those of you who have helped me emotionally and financially over the past 2 1/2 years. I have been staying up late at night struggling with extreme shame knowing I need to ask again. At this point I believe everyone knows my story, but for those of you who do not below is a link to a wonderful piece Barbara Harrison recently did on my story from DC channel 4 NBC news.

http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/health/Woman-Who-Had-Arms-Legs-Amputated-Plans-to-Walk-Down-the-Aisle-429532573.html


I need help getting a vehicle that works for my disability of being a quadruple amputee and simultaneously raising my reasons for pushing forward every day, TJ age 8, and Andy age 5. I not only need a mommymobile aka a minivan (the most practical for quadruple amputees) but I also have to find thousands of dollars to modify the minivan so that I am able to drive my boys around to the multitude of places they need to go over the next 13 years; I love them dearly but yes as all parents of young ones I am counting down the years LOL!- did I mention I have two boys 2.5 years apart?!?! Unfortunately, I have found that when you are disabled the places that are able to give you the opportunity to have the smallest chance at normalcy again, like driving, charge exorbitant amounts of money before you'll get that opportunity to be independent again. I am looking at around $10,000 just to modify a vehicle and get training to drive again (watch out DMV traffic ), not including the cost of the vehicle. I live on a fixed income through Social Security disability and do not have the funds to pay for this. Many of you constantly ask if you can donate or help, so if you are able to I would be even more indebted to you than I already am.

I don't talk much about how hard life is now because I believe in staying positive because I know this was my destiny, but  I will also share some of the harder parts as to what life has been like since I woke up and was told that I no longer had hands or legs, and as icing on the cake I also lost my knees which is a huge hurdle to get past for my dreams to walk full-time. If it was just me to worry about, life would be far less complicated, but it is not. My conversations with God have been of peace concerning my circumstances. However, I struggle with why he would choose this path for my children knowing how much they need of me everyday. I am so proud of how strong they are and how well they have adapted to constantly being told mommy just can't do those things with you, at least not yet, because I don't have arms and legs. For the most part they are doing great, but I've kept a lot of things private. They both need therapy from the trauma of what they've been through. TJ has anxiety problems and because this happened during his kindergarten year (age 5 when I got sick), which was a crucial developmental year, he missed a lot of school because I was in the hospital. As a result he has struggled to learn how to read and I am grateful that he is in a school where they are taking measures to get him the help he needs; thank you montgomery county school systems! That being said, he also needs tutoring after school hours and needs to be driven around for that including therapy sessions to help him through his feelings. As for my Andy, he was 4 days shy of his 3rd birthday when I fell ill; for those of you who aren't familiar with the timeline I went into the hospital Christmas eve and don't have any memories until sometime in early February. Not only did I miss Christmas that year but I also missed my baby boy's third birthday; I'll struggle with guilt from that one for the rest of my life. His world got thrown upside down at a crucial foundational year of his life, year 3. As a result Andy suffers from extreme anger issues. We have made great progress but we still have a long way to go and he needs a lot of therapy thus more driving around. Andy has also developed an exaggerated love of food; which I believe is a coping mechanism for him to deal with all of the trauma surrounding his life. His pediatrician let me know he is overweight and needs to get into some type of sport or recreational activity; another commitment that requires lots of driving around. He's adorable with his chubby cheeks at age 5 but I don't want this to continue into a pattern for the rest of his life; Americans struggle with obesity as it is and these are the foundational years of his life where I want to build the right habits for him to help him succeed. As for me to date I have not received any counseling therapy for what I've gone through; most are pretty shocked to find that one out. No day is easy but my faith and my incredible support system has helped me maintain my positive attitude, especially Frank my fiancé aka my in house therapist; poor Frank . By the time I get through each day, the time I have left to dedicate to myself and my own needs is very little on top of what my family needs; I know all of you moms know exactly what I'm talking about! Truth be told though I really do need to start going to counseling because I am dealing with a lot; another thing that will require me to drive around town. I also have physical therapy twice a week and need to begin occupational therapy for using the new hands I'm getting. On top of that I have a multitude of doctors appointments pretty much every week either for meeting with my prosthetist or dealing with the extreme back and hip problems I have developed as a result of the leg amputations. I also need to start going to the gym in order to work on core strengthening so that I can use more advanced prosthetic technology on my legs (microprocessor knees), but my strength is not where it needs to be yet and I am still overcoming my back and hip problems that keep me from using them full time. Frank is incredible but he works full time keeping our streets safe; trust me though on his days off he's running me around town to all of my appointments. These are just a handful of issues our little family deals with on a daily basis. I was such an independent woman and mother before the amputations and I've really struggled not being able to drive myself or my boys around to our various places to go. I am so beyond blessed to have Frank, my parents, godparents, siblings, and nieces who have stepped up to the plate to drive me and the boys around all over the place these past 2 1/2 years despite their own life responsibilities. How can I complain when I am blessed with so much? But I must admit I am feeling the beginning's of depression again over not being able to get myself and the boys from point A to point B; I feel a sense of worthlessness when I know that there is a way for me to be driving again and getting us to places.

In the beginning so many of you reached out offering to hold fundraisers and I am so grateful. I know I declined many offers because the first year I struggled with finding my peace and battling very personal depression; letting go and mourning of old Amanda and learning to love my new version of self. If any of you are still willing to hold fundraisers please let me know. I absolutely hate asking for help, but alas, help is what I need. If you are not in a position to donate I absolutely understand and your thoughts and positive energy are a huge help too!! After all it is prayers and positive energy that got me from less than a 15% chance of living to now fully recovered minus a few flat tires .

My eternal love and gratefulness,
Amanda ❤️

Organizer

Amanda Flores
Organizer
Silver Spring, MD

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