Help Me Pay For Nine Weddings

Hey guys. Yesterday I proposed to my girlfriend and, if I'm totally honest, things got a little carried away. I got so many likes on our initial engagement that I propsed again, this time to a different woman. In the short term it really paid off. I got twice as many likes for getting engaged twice, but I didn't realize that I would have to pay for two weddings! Most people might have stopped at two or three proposals, but in my haste to get likes and shares I proposed to 9 different people!

The average wedding in America costs $35,000, multiply that by 9 and the costs balloon up to $315,000!!!! But I did some research on google, and I think if I have destination weddings in war-torn Yemen, I could afford to marry all 9 of these people for just under $16,000 (catering and DJ included). I lowered the price to $15,000 though because I'm pretty sure the first girl I proposed to refuses to marry me now. (Thank goodness because anything beyond 8 wives seems hectic).

If I reach my goal of $15,000, all funds will go directly toward paying for my polygamist weddings.

All money raised above $15k will go directly toward inevitable divorces and legal fees.

If I fail to reach my goal of $15k, any funds that I do raise will go toward purchasing a gun that I'll use to blow my own head off to escape this hell I've created.