Yesterday, my sweet baby Maisy Lane left us. Our life is in pieces, my heart is broken, my soul feels empty. Please understand that I am reading each message. I just don't have the strength to respond.
Maisy was (and still is) a a beautiful, loving, and happy girl. She was beginning to crawl on her own and loved standing with a little help. She loved nursing and since she didn't take a pacifier, she did it often. She was always close - in a strap on carrier, in our arms or lap, even in our bed at night where she felt safe and could nurse whenever she wanted. Maisy loved smiling at strangers. She loved her new bath toys (and especially the jacuzzi jets in the new tub).
Her favorite toy was a drinking straw; she would chew for hours. She likes sour things and would enthusiastically suck on lemons, limes, or pickles. She loved her daddy very much and enjoyed taking his glasses off when he came home each day. She hated getting dressed and enjoyed undoing the Velcro on her cloth diapers. She would cackle for minutes straight when playing with her new duck puppet. Maisy loved the way her Honey rocked her to sleep.
Maisy Lane did not like naps and enjoyed being involved in anything that was going on. She loved listening to Tinkerbelle growl and trying to catch Tobias's tail. She did not love Pepito's kisses and was just learning to push him away. Maisy loved being read to and thought that board books were especially tasty. She especially liked Madeline and the Little Blue Truck. She loved music and would often sing herself to sleep (if she didn't go to sleep on her "milkie." She loved being outside and she loved looking at plants with her Daddy.
Maisy was a happy girl. Maybe her personality was so wonderful and so great that it just couldn't sustain itself for a whole life of amazing. It would be hard to keep that up forever.
Maybe she was too kind for the mean world we live in. Maisy will never have her first heartbreak. She will never cry over a bad grade. She didn't have sickly life confined to hospital beds and cords. She will never feel neglected or alone or angry. She will never have to deal with a "mean" girl at school. She will never worry about the future and she will never worry about money. She will never see injustice or poverty or racism. We will miss many of her firsts... first steps, first real words, first day of school... but we will also never have to see her hurt.
Maisy's body could help another baby in need. I encourage anyone with a child to think about the pain I am experiencing. Would I want to spare another mom or dad from feeling the same? Of course. Please consider organ donation if something were to happen to one of your children. It's a tough pill to swallow, but you could save a life of heartache for another parent and give another child out there a chance to live a full and happy life.
Hold your babies close. The pain is unimaginable. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
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