I am suffering from Workplace Anxiety Disorder where it becomes increasingly difficult to perform your work. It stems from self-doubt and begins to take over your daily life where it becomes hard to take care of daily tasks as well. This first happened to me in 2014 where I started working as a Production Supervisor in a 2 wheeler company. It got so bad after 1 year that I had to quit because my stress and anxiety turned into depression and I started having suicidal thoughts. Due to my limited understanding, I thought that I didn't like the work and I hadn't been given sufficient training to perform the job so that led to it.
Then I decided to change careers and did my masters in Software engineering. It went all well during the college phase but once I entered corporate world in April this year, this issue began to resurface and I have been dealing with it for the past 5 months. It gets so bad at times that you just want to hide from the entire world. You start dreading mornings since you'd have to deal with anxiety and stress. The feeling of shame, guilt and doubt about the future won't let you have peace. I have been taking counseling and medication regularly but the problem persists. I have had daily anxiety attacks for 2 months now where it becomes difficult to keep physical control of yourself and recently had a nervous breakdown where I couldn't carry out the routine tasks for an individual for around a week. It becomes so hard to make a decision in these situations of whether to continue or not since you've debt to take care of and the feeling of guilt of not living upto your potential especially during the time of COVID. I had to eventually quit last month end after consulting with my therapist as even a high dosage of medicine wasn't working as the depression and suicidal thoughts started getting the better of me.
I need funds to continue my treatment and medication and to pay back the loan I had taken from my relatives for my studies. I like working in software but would need to work on myself first in order to be able to do meaningful work. Any help is much appreciated.
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