- J
- M
- S
Reaching out and asking for help is not something I do. There are few close friends that know what I have been going through. I will do my best to not be too graphic. I became a nurse in 1993 because I wanted to start a career in medicine to help people. Those of you who know me know that I am always there to help others, and not good at helping myself.
In 2007 there was a horrible accident on the highway behind my house. I was the first one there. I held a 13 year girls head and jaw so she could breathe. The driver, her mother was obviously dead. The paramedics got there and because they all know me from working in the local ER they just tossed me gloves asked me to help. One medic who is also a life flight medic looked at me with panic on his face and said "Bob I can’t get her out”. What I didn’t see was an 8 year old girl trapped under her mother and brother who was also deceased. I was able to climb behind him and lift up mom and brother to get her out. We started an IV and intubated her and as we were loading her on the helicopter I had to start chest compressions. She lived for 2 days and became a donor to save several other people’s lives.
Shortly after this incident I became the on call case manager for the ER. I was on call for several years. Because our nurses were understaffed, as they are everywhere, I would be called in at all hours to help families where there was an unexpected death. While I was doing my job it was rewarding to be helping families in crisis but I am no crisis worker. There were literally dozens over a 5 year period. The ones that stand out were the children. The 4 year old that was at a babysitter’s house and got strangled in the window blind cord. The 18 year old girl who had a long hard delivery of a perfectly normal baby boy, sent him to the nursery so she could rest. The baby had a brain hemorrhage for some unknown reason and died. It took me from 10pm until 4am crying with her, and trying to comfort her to let me have the baby and give him to the mortuary. The 12 month old of a friend and coworker whose son in law shook him, we tried for 2 hours to revive. A 14 year old who hung herself in the shower. The 2 girls where an exterminator put too much poison too close to the house. The last was a lady that was ejected from her car on I15 near our hospital and was brought in already dead. Her boyfriend was life flighted to a different hospital and was told she was not doing well. The other ER called and said he was on his way to our facility. I couldn’t let him see her in the condition she was in. So another nurse and I cleaned her up, without giving details it was a mess. When the boyfriend got there he saw a pretty face and not a bloody mess.
I never told anyone at the hospital how this was making me feel inside because I didn’t know that it was doing anything to me. I was just doing my job.
I left my job and took a job traveling thinking that getting away from all of that would help. But I quickly learned that alcohol is a quick fix, but it is no fix at all. I have been battling alcohol for several years now. I have been to counselors and it works for a short period of time. I need to be in a treatment program but ii have no insurance until January. So my options are to ask all of you to help me which is about the hardest thing I have ever done.
In 2007 there was a horrible accident on the highway behind my house. I was the first one there. I held a 13 year girls head and jaw so she could breathe. The driver, her mother was obviously dead. The paramedics got there and because they all know me from working in the local ER they just tossed me gloves asked me to help. One medic who is also a life flight medic looked at me with panic on his face and said "Bob I can’t get her out”. What I didn’t see was an 8 year old girl trapped under her mother and brother who was also deceased. I was able to climb behind him and lift up mom and brother to get her out. We started an IV and intubated her and as we were loading her on the helicopter I had to start chest compressions. She lived for 2 days and became a donor to save several other people’s lives.
Shortly after this incident I became the on call case manager for the ER. I was on call for several years. Because our nurses were understaffed, as they are everywhere, I would be called in at all hours to help families where there was an unexpected death. While I was doing my job it was rewarding to be helping families in crisis but I am no crisis worker. There were literally dozens over a 5 year period. The ones that stand out were the children. The 4 year old that was at a babysitter’s house and got strangled in the window blind cord. The 18 year old girl who had a long hard delivery of a perfectly normal baby boy, sent him to the nursery so she could rest. The baby had a brain hemorrhage for some unknown reason and died. It took me from 10pm until 4am crying with her, and trying to comfort her to let me have the baby and give him to the mortuary. The 12 month old of a friend and coworker whose son in law shook him, we tried for 2 hours to revive. A 14 year old who hung herself in the shower. The 2 girls where an exterminator put too much poison too close to the house. The last was a lady that was ejected from her car on I15 near our hospital and was brought in already dead. Her boyfriend was life flighted to a different hospital and was told she was not doing well. The other ER called and said he was on his way to our facility. I couldn’t let him see her in the condition she was in. So another nurse and I cleaned her up, without giving details it was a mess. When the boyfriend got there he saw a pretty face and not a bloody mess.
I never told anyone at the hospital how this was making me feel inside because I didn’t know that it was doing anything to me. I was just doing my job.
I left my job and took a job traveling thinking that getting away from all of that would help. But I quickly learned that alcohol is a quick fix, but it is no fix at all. I have been battling alcohol for several years now. I have been to counselors and it works for a short period of time. I need to be in a treatment program but ii have no insurance until January. So my options are to ask all of you to help me which is about the hardest thing I have ever done.