My Brothers Funeral

Hello. I have never done one of these or thought about ever having to so I’m just gonna try my best sorry if this is hard to read or sounds poorly written.

This past Saint Patrick’s Day changed my life forever. I got off work after a long day exhausted and ready to go to bed. I had worked a double that day after driving 250 miles the night before and having three hours of sleep. When I clocked out I wanted to eat and go to bed. I picked up two of my best friends and we went to Kroger to get dinner. As I always do, I go straight for cake and cookies. I am looking all around at all the cakes and pies when my phone rings. I see that it’s my mom. The time is 11:37pm. I know something is wrong. When I answer her voice is strained and shakey. Instantly I am fighting my lungs to keep working. She just asks me over and over where I am, telling me we need to talk. She tells me that she is coming to me wherever I am. I can’t wait for her thanks to the anxiety having already made it’s home in my chest. I demand she tell me what happened and all she says was very simple and easy for most to comprehend “Edward is dead.” For some reason my brain won’t wrap itself around the sentence. My ears registered the sounds, my brain went through the process of deciphering the sounds into words, but I couldn’t understand what she said. I let out a noise from my body I can only describe as pure terror. I was so scared for  her to be telling me the truth. But she was. While my brother and his friend were sitting around celebrating the holiday he picked up his roommates gun, a 357 Magnum. He put one bullet in the gun and carefully spun it one away from the chamber . He pointed the gun at his head and pulled the trigger knowing he was safe and nothing would happen. As sick of a joke it was that is also how my brother was. His life probably seemed like one sick joke after everything we have endured in our short lives. He did this one more time laughing and shaking off his friend telling him to put the gun down and stop before something happened. This time he drunkenly ignored the precautions of carefully placing the bullet and he pulled the trigger. Looking horrified in the short time he had to react he made the greatest mistake of his life. He was gone instantly. Nothing anyone could do. Me and my mother were never prepared for something like this to ever happen to us. She did not have an accidental death or dismemberment coverage. Never did this cross her mind. We have had to come to terms with so much in the last two days and now we have to come to terms with the fact we simply  do not have the money at all for any of this. If you have ever helped us thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. But right now we need more help than we have ever. Every dollar counts. Every single dollar. Please. I want to make this special or be able to do anything at all for him. They never prepare you for how expensive it is for someone to die. I did not have a piggy bank collecting pennies for when I have to pay for my brothers funeral. I am even willing to set up payment plans to help pay people back if they want but if you can help us at all I will never be able to repay you any amount of money to accurately represent my gratitude. I don’t want this to be any harder on me and my mom. Thank you for all the people giving us their support and condolences. Thank you to the people who might help us. Thank you for reading through my scattered thoughts and emotions. I didn’t mean for this to all come out this way but I didn’t have a rough draft lying around.