I never thought I would be in a position like this. However, being unable to hold down a job for the past 6 yrs do to health, fighting disability, my newlywed wife losing her job 3 weeks before our wedding, the saga and financial drain to go through and make our wedding dreams come true, both our vehicles breaking down with costs beyond our capability to pay have taken their toll on me.
The bills have amassed to the point that being able to leave Ohio to go spend time with my father, who is now on hospice in NJ, is becoming unobtainable without help from our friends.
How can one weigh the burden of needing and desiring to be by his father's side during his last few weeks? Having cherishing moments before his mind is taken over by the cancer in his brain.
Leaving your newlywed wife and 2 children behind with the electricity nearing disconnection, not enough firewood to heat our house for the next month let alone the whole winter. Our 2 vehicles broken down with one in the shop now for 2 months that we can't even retrieve to put a new engine in because of the mechanics fees we owe to date. The 2nd vehicle needing a transmission since we are currently only able to drive it in 2nd gear. Three months behind on house payments because the hot water heater and well pressure tank going simultaneously a month before our wedding and needing our immediate attention.
So I find myself dropping my pride and embarrassingly asking for help from our friends past and present. I want my cake and to eat it too.
I want to go be by my father's side and help my mother. I want to have a few last cherishing moments with my father before he soon forgets who we are and passes on. I want my family who I will be 100s of miles away from to have phones to call for help or to soothe me. I want my family to have a warm house and a vehicle they can drive to go to the supermarket or doctors. I want to not have to be 100s of miles away and wonder if the last of my cherishes pocessions, my horses, have hay to eat.
How selfish am I for wanting some of the benefits that so many take for granted.
We have spent the last many years living a simple life but unfortunately it seems that simplicity will not possible right now when so much has amassed.
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