<div>Born in South Miami Beach, I started my life career as a professional model and actress. My introduction to the field was being an industrial model with a mohawk at 16 years old. Before this I owned my own business as a minor called The Pet Care Kids. I took care of peoples pets including skinks, dogs, iguanas, rabbits, etc. My vision as a model was to change the world and make an impact to thought through visionary art work. This was before social media influencers really existed. I started on Myspace marketing and branding my name and image. 




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<div>My career as a model expanded into fashion, steampunk, cosplay, and more modern culture expression. I worked as a freelance model and independent contractor. I worked as background entertainment for shows like Magic City and Burn Notice. I received an underwater camera Cannon D10 from my grandmother as a gift. From there I started to play and create underwater creative expression. Before all this I started out doing trade for print to build my portfolio and worked with some really talented and creative people that really inspired me and kept me motivated to make more art work.




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<div>After doing tv shows I grew a greater interest in producing videography. I filmed my own concepts through my own lens. My mediums were videos and pictures. At the time my images and videos of myself were more viewed than anything that I personally photographed and took videos of. However my inspiration and drive was not for views but a genuine love to use the camera to journal moments of my life.




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<div>I became a Youtuber and as the platform became more popular my channel took off.  I currently have 81.4 million views and 84 thousand + subscribers. It doesn’t pay a whole lot, maybe there’s a better way to monetize that, I am not sure. I made $86 this month for example.




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<div>My journey began dying to be seen and heard. Driven by childhood wounds and a noticing of the disruption of our culture. How far away we strayed from being a village and a dishonoring of the ways we used to live. Including but not limited to the ways we take care of those who are dying. 




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<div>As I aged I began to realize the influence sexual violence had over me and some of the shades of public entertainment I entered into. Hypersexuality was the format my abuse expressed itself. This is something commonly known by therapists who understand rape trauma syndrome.




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<div>I chose to shift out of the norms of the modeling industry of being “sexy” because “sex sells” and I pioneered into another industry of being a professional mermaid in 2012. At the time I was alongside some of the first ever in the business. I purchased my first tail with the income I made from being a webcam model. I was happy to get out of that world after developing a cyber stalker who doxxed me and knew severely extremely personal information and would do behaviors like turning on my webcam to watch me against my will etc. I used to joke how he was my jigsaw and got me to get out of that realm and enter another one.




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<div>Unfortunately I developed an audience who demanded that kind of content around me and there were continuous lures to be paid directly for images and videos that further and further cross the boundaries. I ended up creating an OnlyFans and once doing that it only pulled me deeper and deeper into going backwards just not as deep as I started.




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<div>At the time I didn’t realize the consequences or the after effects that would come from mankind including the persecution and sexual harassment plus blaming me, shaming me, and being an enforcer of psychological and emotional trauma. Verbal abuse and manipulation along with many other formats well known to those in the realm of this business. There was also a continuous influence to draw me back and go into deeper paradigms including the fetish community. There would be seasons of “getting out” and seasons of going back. I became well known for underwater content and continued to produce that high demand.




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<div>This ruined my genuine love for the art because it turned my passion into a business and I couldn’t enter the water without being conditioned to the idea that I needed to get my camera and record.




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<div>February 16,2023 I made the decision that I needed to eliminate all Only Fans accounts if I was going to be able to tell a story to myself that I don’t do that work anymore. The accounts became finally fully shut down by March 17 2023. The system required everyone who had already paid to “get their moneys worth” for 30 days before the account was terminated. There were people who stole all of my content and tried to harass me and use against me the decisions I made before I healed. 




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<div>Now my vision is to help educate the public and those who are currently navigating what I navigated. Along with teaching others who think they want to do what I did to understand the fullness of the reality of what else is involved in this industry that one may not be capable of thinking about without being immersed in the industry. The verbal abuse and sexualization and other psychological and emotional influences from being in these climates.




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<div>After I left the industry I started a different business as a personal assistant. My jobs range from physical labor of landscaping and cleaning houses, to helping elders manage technology and assisting those who are interested in expanding their brand learn knowledge to market what they have to offer etc. I have also started a practice of offering one on one sessions of dedicated active listening and assisting those who want help practicing healthier thoughts through mindfulness and self awareness. I have not super marketed these things yet as I have been taking a break to process everything that I am coming away from. I have also returned back to college and am pursuing a longterm goal of getting educated in traumatology. I am hoping to focus on preverbal states of developmental trauma.




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<div>My dream is to help adults who were impacted by intangible traumas like neglects like not getting diaper changes when crying for help or not getting the nipple when crying from hunger. Circumcision and other sexual violence at preverbal states of development, verbal abuse, abandonment, being stuck in incubators for long periods of time, etc.




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<div>I am on the pursuit presently completing my bachelors degree in psychology. I have finished my AA &amp; I have 8 psychology classes + 4 upper division courses left until I graduate. After that I will attempt a masters degree in psychology to practice mental health counseling and therapeutic approaches, such as iFs etc. 




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<div>This Gofundme is with the intention to gain support from those who have accompanied me on the journey since the beginning or even in the middle or wherever you have found me in. The finances I am requesting is to help fund my personal needs as I go to school and work. These funds will create release from needing to over work to meet needs to cover bills and expenses of living. This will allow me to concentrate more on finishing my education instead of my survival. I will post updates here on my gains as I become closer to attaining my desired achievements. Finances can help cover other areas of needs as I navigate my life away from where I once lived before.




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<div>The ultimate dream would be to be to have enough, where I don’t have to work and I can just focus on school. I’m not asking for a permanent financial coverage just for finishing this degree. If I didn’t have to work, I could also take on more classes and be done with school sooner.

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<div>I am presently living in Washington state and writing a book about the details of my development to get where I am right now. 




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<div>If you are interested in a copy of this book and hearing my full story you can email me  and I will keep you in the loop when I am done writing.  




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<div>Thank you for listening and considering go funding my personal developmental needs to step into a greater position of recovery.




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Anonymous

Thomas L

Matthew Carrier

Dwayne Van lancker

Support a Model's Journey to Healing and Education

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