Please check Esteffany's Facebook account in this link:
She lives in the Philippines and Chemotherapy is not free there.
THE LORD HAS HIS WAY OF SHARING MY JOURNEY
(This is too long for one reading so I decided to cut my post into parts)
There was a pic that has been shared regarding my situation. That surprised most of my friends for they never know that I was going through such an ordeal. After seeing the post, my mobile phone has been busy receiving text from concerned friends.
My journey with Hodgkins Lymphoma Nodular Sclerosis (Cancer in the Blood) started last January of 2019. After learning about this the whole family was broken bringing back some memories of the past. It was the same dis-ease that took my brother Evan away. For almost two years now, I kept this private and not letting the people know. Only a very few friends, family and relatives knew about my journey. Also, during that time, I took a different route for my healing modality which is Naturopathy/Alternative. When I went home in the province, I was thinking of continuing my healthy lifestyle. However, the resources we have is very limited unlike in the city you can buy freshly prepared and there are also healthy food deliveries. I arrived in Mangagoy around January of 2020, my idea of staying here is to chill, visit tourist spots in the nearby municipalities… our couple goal is just live life to the fullest and be stress free. Enjoying life and being with nature is one way of healing myself. Unfortunately, the pandemic happened and borders are set, municipalities are locked down.
In my isolation for how many months, I have experienced all sorts of stress: Physical, Mental, Emotional, Social. I learn that I have a high pain tolerance because no matter how painful I feel, may level 20. I still endure it. I experienced having open wound in my chest, so huge I feared that it will not heal because that’s what we read in the internet. There was one time we were hearing mass online when suddenly I was having a very excruciating pain all over my upper extremities that I cannot move, even my neck, I was so stiff and in so much pain I just cried. My mama, daddy and husband saw everything and we were already crying because even a touch on skin means pain. I saw dad’s tear rolling down his eyes in his loud voice, “Lord, kuhaa na intawon ang kasakit sa lawas ni Fanny”, mama crying while praying while my husband was standing, crying and praying in silence. And there are moments we thought it’s the end of me. But here I am striving and surviving everyday.
This isn’t an easy peasy journey. I see the struggle and sacrifices of my support system everyday and it made me feel bad because I caused them all the sufferings. Then there goes my mental health issue. I have been having anxiety attacks, always blaming, hating myself for causing my loved ones’ pain. I would suddenly cry and started telling them how sorry I am and how I hated myself so much. My dad is my rescue. He would come to me and calm me down. Listen to me and speak to me in a very gentle way until I feel relaxed. You see, in my small world without people knowing what is going through in my life, I have a very very very strong support system that kept me alive.
My 2020 is a year of pain, struggles but also a year of miracles. Despite the challenges I encounter in this journey, the Lord has not left me and my family. God’s provision has not stopped. It kept pouring. Sometimes I joke around, “Pwede Lord tingba nlang tanan? Kanang ma heal nko insigida ba kay aron Oks na everything” but I realize, healing takes time. You have to enjoy the ride (bahalag sakit, enjoy lang gihapon) because the lessons are there. I have so many out of this world realizations oi for the past year. Ang importante kapit lang, salig lang ug iclaim nga ma heal gyud.
However, despite the Spirit of Fighting!!! I observed that the tumor has grown and my body is slowly deteriorating. I know I needed medical intervention. It took me 2years to prepare myself for this healing modality. I even called this the Season 2 of my Journey with Lymphoma (lol). A lot of friends would ask, why now? Why not seek medical help the moment I learn about it. No. I’d like to take a different route, a route that my brother did not try. For the past months, everytime I had an attack my mama would bring up the word hospital and that would irritate me so much and I responded with “Bahalag mamatay ko dri sa balay, ayaw lang jud ko dalha hospital”!! So the words hospital and doctor and tambal nga synthetic was somehow banned.
Come October, the thought of medical intervention comes to mind. It slowly opens up my perception about this healing modality and I have observed in my heart that it no longer had the fear of hearing the words doctors and hospitals, chemotherapy and radiation. I feel ready to engage myself in this kind of environment, of people where they dont show empathy or sympathy to their patients. Hehehe! Not all pud ha. (my classmate from college explained the reason, so I was enlightened and now, I understand)
I planned to share my journey by 2021 because 2020 is too much for a year. However, God really moves in mysterious ways. December 1, Mama and my batchmate in HS saw each other sa City Hall and nagkumustahan when mama mentioned my condition to him. He then seek help from our batchmates. The news spread like wild fire and a post from our batch’s treasurer with my picture on it circulated among my friends. And the rest was history. I was like, Lord, imo man ko giunhan oi. Ako nalang tana to, nagEffort paka. Hehehe! Pero joke ra. And I believe He answered me, mag effort paka sa January nga gamiton naman na nimo ana nga time? Nitubag rapud ko ug Bitaw noh? Anyways, everything was a blessing in disguise. My phone has been flooded with messages of inspiration from friends who were definitely shocked about my journey. I honestly can say that somehow, there was lightness in my heart when this whole thing happened. Provisions continue to outpour. And I thank everyone who were able to extend their help and most especially for the prayers for my healing.
Let us all storm heavens with our prayers hangtod dunggon tang tanan ni Lord. ❤️
For those who wants to extend, share their blessings and help me in my future medication, here are the details:
(Philippines Bank Account)
BPI - 9799 1988 03
GCASH - 09205406540
- Ate Marifel
- Ate Marifel
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