To help with all things cancer related

I feel a bit sick writing this and asking for help :(, however i feel it is time to swallow my pride and ask people if they cannot just help me but my family as well.

In 2018 i was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer, i completed all active treatment whilst still studying to complete my dregree in health visiting. I finished my degree, got my dream job and was cancer free for three wonderful years.

However in 2021, after experiencing some mild symptoms such as headches and double vision a CT scan showed i had a brain tumor. Initially we were told that the tumor was benign and due to this i was placed on a non urgent surgey list to have it removed, i waited three months for surgery when i should have waited days. After i had my crainiotomy in October 2021, we were given the devastating news i had been MISDAIGNOSED and the tumor was in fact cancer. Due to this mistake and having to wait three months for non urgent surgery and no systemic treatment the cancer was able to spread to multiple areas of my bones, and the linining around my heart. Since the brain surgery i have been very poorly and in and out of hospital due to complications of my cancer, i have nearly died on a few ocassions.

In March this year, 1 day after testing positive for covid and just 5 months after having brain surgery, we were told again that the tumour had come back in my brain, after recovering from covid and septic pneumonia i was allowed to have Gamma Knife radiation to target the tumor - i pray this has worked, we will find out in August.

Throughout all of this, i have tried to act normally for the sake of my kids, they have been my number one priority. But you cant act normally when your in hospital and they know something is wrong. We have tried to be as honest as possible with them but at the same time shielding them from the seriousness of it, i thought we had cracked it. However, its apparent that they have both struggled to come to terms with my diagnosis and the fact that my life is being cut short which in some parts is down to being misdiagnosed.

I am asking for help for my children so i can send them to private therapy, the waiting list for NHS counselling and counselling through school is weeks - months. I want to make sure their mental health is looked after, i am worried particulary about one of my children who is struggling so much more than we realised. I dont want to go into details publically, but its bad and i am scared they may do something stupid. The guilt i have is immence, it is my job as their mum to protect them and at the minute i am having to protect them from myself. I want to make memories with them, make sure they are happy and healthy and have a safe outlet to let out their emotions - none of which are availble in a timely manner on the NHS.

Currently, i am stable on first line treatment, i was told i have just THREE lines of treatment available to me on the NHS. I dont know my prognosis, i dont want to know, but what i do know is that im living on borrowed time. There are also lots of complimentary therapies that can be accessed privately such as oxygen therapy, mistletoe therapy as well as other complimentary medications that have been proven to prolong and improve quality of life and that could also give me more time.

Therefore i am swallowing my pride and going against everything i ever thought i would do, because thats what we do for our babies. Im asking for help, please help me help my children by being able to access private talking therapies for them, making memories and allowing me the opportunity to access complimentary therapies that will help to prolong my life and improve my quality of life.

Thank you for reading xx