The Flying O'Hallorans

Alright so. Here's the thing, or the things. The story that needs to be told, that pulls away from me every time I try to tell it.

Pride. Swallowing. Acceptance. Faith. Love. Hope.

I've tried to compose it as a narrative, to no avail.

So I'm gonna storyboard it in bullet points.

That's the only way its gonna get out, and it has to get out.

- Me. I drink too much, smoke too much (tobacco, not the kind), suffer from severe anxiety attacks on a daily basis, with a side order of depression.. This interferes with me gaining useful employment, compounded by being told over and over again that I am over-qualified to wash dishes or stock shelves. Self medicating, but trying to hold down the fort. Best I can.

- Himself. His wife got shipped off to a facility in Arizona, when he had moved in with me because he was just worn out and could no longer take care of her when he needed to be taken care of himself.

-County Adult Social Services, after some interviews, established me as His Caretaker.

-Which of course I do, he's my Da,

fuck I can’t….

Alright so, hit a wall again, could not continue. Spoke with a dear friend about this, she said the following, which I wish I had been able to say. The following posted with permission of the Author.

"Say it the way you are saying it. That this is difficult for you.

That you realize because of what you feel are shortcoming or issues within yourself you are having trouble doing the things you need to do to help yourself and your father. That you want to make it work and realize now that you can, but you will need help doing so for now.

explain how these issues exacerbate your stress levels and your situation like a perfect storm.

 explain that while you are struggling, you will need the support and help from others. That you need a lifeline to get you through this storm.

That although it is hard for you to turn to others you have faith not only in God and in your family and friends to be there for you and you know with God on your side and those who care for you, that you know you can get through this. Explain that you don't like to need and how much it hurts you to feel this helpless. Explain the physical lump you get in your throat just thinking of it, the struggle that your inner self is going through just realizing it. How you feel you are being buried by these personal issues. That in any other time in your life you know this would be a bump and not a mountain that seems to be swallowing you whole.

Explain that you don't feel as strong as you usually would. Explain the physical feeling you get just thinking about it. Knowing what you've been through and how you've always been strong enough to get through and now it's consuming you and you know if you only had one more thing you know you'd make it.

 Alright so. That being said, the Flying O’Hallorans need some help. There’s Candy stories, medical stories, a thousand stories of pain and misfortune we could tell. But we don’t like writing those stories. We enjoy stories of love, companionship, friendship and pure,  unabashed joie de vivre. Not going to delve into the details just to tear on your heartstrings. Trust me on this, the needs are real. When I can get us back to financial baseline we’ll be fine. I’ve run the numbers. We just need help getting there.
Just sayin’

In nomine Patris et Filii et Cannes et Spiritus Canis . Amen.