The Bakers Relocation and Healing

A few weeks ago I woke up to a nightmare that I will never escape.  Those who know me would say I'm the person who would help anyone and everyone but has way too much pride to ask for help myself.  On August 26th, I was stripped of my pride, my privacy,  and my whole heart.  My boys were viciously taken from me, and I have stayed silent and alone.  I am ready to share my story in hopes of finding kindness and compassion from strangers now, because let me tell you- this momma truely needs help!

 I am writing as the mother of 3 amazing boys, my boys are my life. When my oldest was born I made the choice to be a stay at home mom.  My husband has taken good care of us as a long distance truck driver.  So I have been there for EVERY milestone,  every boo-boo, every holiday, every doctor appt, first day of school, every night of homework, every baseball game- I  even coached their team one season.  I have lived every single day for my boys for the past 14 years.  I have taught them to be kind and giving- to lead and to share - to love and respect- I have been raising amazing 'future men'.  Yes, life is rough and tough with boys- always loud, always interesting- but I love it.   
  I lost my little sister in 2017 at the young age of 27 and my biggest regret was not having spent enough time with her.  I decided I needed to move closer to my own family.  I was torn between leaving my boys friends and the only school that they've ever known... but I didn't want them to miss out on having that close relationship with all of their cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents - my grandma has 31 grandkids and I have always lived almost 3 hours away.  So after going back and forth my husband and I decided to sell our beautiful home and move up to Melrose.  
  We found the perfect place,  it was huge- 5 bedrooms, a guest house, so many storage areas, tons of space, a gameroom, a pool, an awesome backyard, and it was walking distance to my dad's house.  We purchased it and moved in on August 9th.  Life was good.  I signed my kids up for school, took them clothes shopping, swam, hung out with cousins, planned fishing trips, b-day parties, Christmas parties. 
I was letting my sister, her boyfriend, and their baby stay with me AGAIN.  I have been letting them live with me on and off for 3 years, trying to help them.  They are both your typical drug addicts - they do good for awhile, get a job, stay sober, and then mess up and burn whatever bridge they just built. Then come running back to me.  Everyone has told me to stop being so big hearted to them- but it is my sister and my baby niece,  and of course my sister just found out she was pregnant again!  What kind of example would I be setting to my own boys if I turned my sister away when she had nowhere to go? So I let them move into one of my storage areas- with the promise of helping out, getting a job, and getting back on track.
Four days later I woke up to the most horrific terrifying nightmare any mother could imagine.  I was sleeping with my 4 year old in the back of the house and when we came out to the living room that morning I discovered what I've only been able to describe as a massacre.  My beautiful babies who are only 14 and almost 13 were brutally murdered by an evil twisted monster in their sleep.  I grabbed my 4 year old and ran out of that house right to my dads house screaming.   
  In the 2 weeks that have since passed,  I have learned that the monster was my own sister's boyfriend- the monster who had been living with us for 2 years- who has never showed any type of violence or ill will towards my babies- somehow snapped and went after my own children in the home I had just graciously provided.  I will never know what he was thinking, how he could do it, why he did what he did.  All I know is I lost my whole entire heart that morning,  I do not know where to go, what to do, how to even function.   All of a sudden I am caught in a whirlwind of detectives,  investigations, planning funerals, grief counseling,  and so much blurry confusion while I just wait for them to come running up behind me telling me it was all a joke.  
  I cannot accept that they are gone, I can't even begin to process it- how could any mother?  But I know they are, because I saw what that sick monster did to my babies and I will never be able to unsee it.  
  Now I sit here, the services are over, the initial shock is over, I am being told life must go on- I have a 4 year old and a husband who still need me.  I am surrounded by family now, and for that I am thankful,  but I just left my home of 15 years, my kids school, their friends,  baseball team, my comfort zone, and put all our money into a house that was full of dreams and promises.   I can't even bring myself to enter that home since I ran out it screaming that morning.  And it will be very hard to sell a house that two children were murdered in.  
  I am now in a situation of having to find a new house to live in- a home for a family of just 3.  We just put all of our money into our last home- my husband just started his new job 1 week prior to this - which he has now left abruptly.   I have always been financially responsible, my kids always had nice things, and we've taken them fun places, we've even always had life insurance on our family- but my husband just transferred jobs due to moving and hadn't been at his new job long enough to setup a policy.        My step son started a GoFundMe to help with Tayten and Roberts funeral- and we were so grateful for all of the love, support, and donations received.  But we are still in a financial crisis.    My whole life I've helped anybody who asked, 
I've opened my door to anyone who needed it, shared my food with every neighbor kid, given rides, clothes, and money to those in need.  I have always been way too proud to ask for help- but always ready to help anyone who needed it.  Well I am at a point where I need help now.  I am sharing my very tough story in hopes of finding kindness and generosity out there.  The darkest ugliness has entered my home and took my world from me and I am left wanting to crawl into a hole.  I have to be strong though and be here for my baby and my husband.    We need to raise the money to get settled into a new home- my father has given me the property so that I can live next door to him.  I need to put a well and septic tank down.  We need to pay for a Hazmat service to come clean my old home, we need money to live off while we figure things out and my husband is ready to find a new job- one that is local so he can come home every night.  If you've read this to the end - thank you, if you're able to make a donation large or small, or even just click share, my family will forever appreciate it as we try to move on and rewrite the chapters of the life we had perfectly planned out.
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Sarah Baker 
Melrose, FL
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