find myself again

After escaping many years of domestic violence and leaving with nothing but the close on my back and very little loose cash.  Im living at a domestic violence housing . I have moved from friend to friend and domestic violent shelter to doemstic violent shelter. because he kept following me. Having to start over many many times. He has shown up at jobs and I've had to quit. The system does not protect me against someone so dangerous. He would regularly get arrested but the judges would always let him out. He is completely upsessed and feels he has the rights to own me. I always had a bag packed incase he shows up again. I was always looking over my shoulder wondering when I have to disapear again. This is why I stayed so many years, he always finds me.
     Im so blessed he is in prison for reasons not related to me. He murdered another girl  in her mid 40's by strangling her to death. He has strangled me so many times to the point of being unconscious. He would rape me when I was passed out. several times he has kidnapped me, any time I tried to leave. I cant even count how many times he raped me. 
     I feel like I can finally breath, knowing he is locked up for 30 years.
Ive just started healing as much as I can. I will never be who I was before, ive changed forever. I am diagnosed with PTSD, manic depression, chronic pain and severe anxiety. I regularly see a therapist, psychiatrist and pain management.  
     He was so obsessed with everything I do. who I talked to, when I went to the bathroom, what I ate, I wasn't allowed to go for walks unless I was with him. If he went out with out me I would stay home and he would check my phone when he returned.  I was stressed to the point my hair has fallen out many times. My body would feels nauseous so I never eat till I'm starving. I don't sleep, I wake up in panic thinking that he's here. 
   Over the many years the abuse I was put through choking, punching, sexual abuse, picking me up and body slamming me to the ground, confinement, isolation the list goes on and on. It has taken a major tool on my mind and body, spirt, self-esteem, self love, and so much more. 
   I have reconstructive surgeries recommended to me because of the assaults. My insurance will not cover them. Im reaching out to Gofund me for support. 
Thank you for taking your time to read my story. If you could find it in your hearts to help me, I will be forever grateful. 
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