Fundraiser for Gender Surgery & Recovery

TL;DR: I’m receiving gender-affirming surgery on Dec 9th and am asking for help covering the costs, along with some major unexpected expenses that hit while I was preparing. Total costs are… a lot. Details below.

Hello friends,

On December 9th, I’ll be having surgery in Miami to reshape my chest and torso so my body can finally align with my A-gender identity. Right now, I’ve got the body of a grandma or a short, luscious (albeit saggy) queen — which would be great if that’s who I was. But it’s not. And living in a body that feels so far from myself has been incredibly dysmorphic and disruptive.

I miss being in my body. Perimenopause has only exaggerated my tits and curves, and I can’t hide in gender-neutral clothing like I used to. When I was more at home in myself, I loved dancing, yoga, swimming, and hiking. Now all these things feel too uncomfortable — physically and psychologically.

The decision to get this surgery was not easy. It took a couple years of working through a whole tangle of stories in my head: feminism, body positivity, anti-fatness vs. gender dysphoria, my history with eating disorders. And then there’s the lifelong poverty trauma — the voice that says spending money on this is “indulgent” instead of what it is: health care. That has honestly been the hardest layer to unpack.

I finally committed in August. My partner, Krista, generously contributed part of the cost, but there was still about $20,000 that went on my credit cards. The surgeon is out of network, so I should get around $10k reimbursed eventually… but you know insurance. Timeframes are a mystery. On top of that, travel and lodging in Miami are about $4,000.

Then, in October, I had a big, unexpected life/house situation that added major financial and logistical stress: an extra $1,300/month in expenses, a bunch of physical labor on a short timeline, and about $4,000 in repairs/ maintenance so far. My furnace is also acting up, and I’ll find out on the 8th whether it needs replacing (please cross your fingers).

All of this means I’m asking for help — something I didn’t expect to do. My plan had been to buckle down through the rest of the year, spend nothing extra, and slowly pay down the medical bills. But reality, as it does, had other plans.

Right now: I am 5 days out from surgery. All the money is already on my cards. The Airbnb is non-refundable. I’m trying hard to stay grounded and resourced so I can go into surgery — and recovery — as healthy as possible. I decided to try fundraising to relieve some of the financial strain, but I wasn’t sure what number to ask for. The surgery -related costs alone are over $25k, and the house-related expenses are still unfolding.

I’ve decided to start with a $15,000 ask. Honestly, it feels like a stretch to reach — I’ve moved away from my core community, my social media presence is tiny, and it’s the holiday season when people are already stretched thin. On top of that there are so many people that desperately need help right now, that I know that my ask will not be a priority for most, and that’s ok with me, I just want to try to lighten this burden if I can.

For transparency:

• My take-home income: around $3,900/month

• My current monthly expenses (not including food, gas, loans, etc.): ~$2,500/month

If you can help or share this, you have my deepest gratitude. I will absolutely send real-life thank-you mail and continue paying it forward — mutual aid and community care mean everything to me.

If you (like me) do not prefer donating on a fundraising platform,

here are the ways you can contribute directly:

US:

Venmo: @Vini-KD

PayPal: @vinikd

Zelle: message me for info

Canada:

Interact: message me for info