Hi everyone. I am lying in bed and accepting that I need to write this in order to get the help that I need.

06 January update:

I had an accident on Saturday (I thought I was totally fine) and continued on with my life. On Sunday, January 5th, I had intense pain in my left leg. After a few hours, I called a U.S. nurse advice line (I am in Mexico.) I was advised to see a doctor within four hours (suspected blood clot) so I went, stressing about how much this would cost. I took an uber and walked into the lobby. Once there, I collapsed from pain and must’ve screamed loudly because people came rushing. I was wheeled directly into a bed and a doctor asked me questions, quickly ruling out a blood clot. He said it was neurological and wanted to do an x-ray of my back. I asked if this was urgent or if I could do it the next day and he said I could do it the next day. So, saving money in my mind, I left (paid $190 for the consult in the ER). I have an incredible neurologist in Mexico because I used to live here and had a few concussions. So I went to her office without an appointment (there are other neurologists there too) hoping to get an exam there to save $. Well, she was in surgery or just getting out of it and the receptionist communicated with her what I had told her. I thought I would wait for her to do an exam. Instead, I was taken to the ER for a scan and IV pain medicine. My brain is fine thank goodness but my spine is not. I need to do physical therapy and then hopefully I will be 100% soon! Cost for second hospital visit: $694. Cost to see my neurologist: $88. Cost to see the physical therapist: unknown.

and then there’s the reason I came to Mexico City— to be healed from chronic Epstein Barr, chronic herpes, and chronic impetigo (caused from strep and staph). I had tried anti-virals and antibiotics already.

I did two weeks of treatment in December 2024 and it was rough. The treatment seemed to work at first—and ultimately seemed successful but I’m still having symptoms, which apparently is normal because it takes a bit for my body to recover.

I was supposed to go to the beach and stay with a friend today but because I went to the hospital last night, I thought it was smart not to travel and stay in cdmx, and see my doctor next Monday to see if I can start treatment again if I need it.

consult with him: $80

treatments per hour: $25

herbs: $30-60

cost of airbnb weekly (I was staying with a friend): $235

monthly debt and bills: $1025

I have asked my parents and they’ve already helped a lot. I’ve maxed out my credit cards. I brought a watch to sell here. I’m working as much as I can (tutoring and writing) while resting as much as I can. My work barely covers my monthly debt and bills.

anything you’re able to contribute is greatly appreciated. Thank you so much.

17 October Update: overall energy is up and down, but after a night in the ER (not related to this) I am pretty spent, though I just see it as a detour on the mountain I’m climbing. I am still waiting in Oregon (w my family) to be seen by my doctor in Mexico. My appointment is December 9 but he might have an earlier appointment. I am also continuing to sell almost all of my possessions to get to my goal!

In October 2023, I got really sick and never fully recovered. I didn’t have a full-time job at the time, but was writing my book and doing some freelance work. In November, I got two job offers and chose one but the Portland Teacher’s strike ultimately erased one of the positions. (Worth it, I am a union supporter.) I applied for another job in December and got it, but I knew I would not be able to do it because of my health. I felt financial pressure anyway and signed the contract.

The pain after my first day of work in January was so severe that I didn’t know how I could do it again. I watched Trevor Noah, and laughter helped. I got up and did it again, but took sick days and so I only worked 2-3 days/week. My energy budget was and is very limited.

Six weeks later, I was at work and crying from pain. My legs hurt so badly that I couldn’t walk. A family member had to pick me up. I resigned two days later.

I needed a plan. I needed to empower myself. So— I would rest enough, do as much alternative therapies I could, sell most of my belongings, and travel the world. I thought I’d heal doing what I love most. I got a big tax return, promoted my tutoring services to see if I could get more students, and left in April 2024.

The cool thing was I started to get better. There were ups and downs but by the third month, I felt the best I had. Not 100%, but I was able to go on a hike and feel okay the next day.

And then in early August things started to take a turn. I had to do some workaways to make things work financially (work for 4-5 hours in exchange for room and board). Ultimately, it was too much for my body.

So…plot twist. My trip around the world will be paused and split up. Or just paused and I'm okay with that. I am putting my health first. I am currently in Oregon mostly on bedrest (sometimes going out and about for a few hours to stay upbeat) and doing all I can to stay positive.

Fortunately I am continuing to tutor, but my monthly income is a few hundred short of just my bills.

I know what I need to do and where I need to go to get better—Mexico City. In 2021, someone healed me when rounds of antibiotics didn’t work.

I know he’s the man for the job.

Currently, I have a virus AND I just found out last month that I have an infection (have had it since the virus began; the virus caused the infection.) The antibiotics did not fully work. There is also a chance I have Lyme disease or another tick-borne illness (a doctor I saw last week strongly believes I have it) and someone I know who has it thinks I have it, too. I need to get diagnosed (Lyme is usually tough to diagnose in regular lab tests) and treated as soon as possible. My results came back unlikely for Lyme, yay! Fortunately, my guy in Mexico City has great success diagnosing and treating Lyme, along with the virus and infection I have. Even if I don't have Lyme (I hope I do not), I would still need to go to Mexico City.

I am getting seen by a highly regarded Naturopathic doctor in Portland who specializes in some of what I have, too. Even still, I plan on getting the month-long treatment in Mexico.

I need enough funds to feel at ease for a few months (or at least one month) and get treatment. I’ll work on my own projects for a few hours a day to keep myself motivated, when I have the energy.

I am confident I *will* get better and live a healthy life!

Thank so much for reading. May you be healthy and peaceful and free.

if you’re unable to financially contribute, I’d be grateful if you could share my websites (sarasebastian.co) with anyone you know who might want any of the services:

writing/ghost writing

editing

tutoring (6-12, I specialize in college app essays)

travel planning & research

OR

if you know anyone hiring part-time remote work, let me know!

thanks everyone! Truly lucky to have amazing people around me. asking for help is scary.

I will share a poem I wrote in March when I’d been sick for 150 days. It’s now been almost 350. An edited version appeared in News & Letter 23: Health

Capturing my Humanity

It’s been 150 days of a long-term illness. Of being in pain and also denying it, and being judged, shamed, and criticized.

150 days of a long-term illness. Of being in pain and also in awe that I can take another day of it.

150 days of a long term-illness. Of being so psyched to spend time in public, with strangers or friends.

150 days of a long-term illness. Of being held together by expansive love: from trees, animals, and people.

Of, at times: resisting rest, resisting reality, needing to fix my body, minimizing my needs

150 days of a long-term illness. Of canceling, of apologizing, of feeling like a failure.

150 days of a long-term illness. Of attempting to swap self-pity for self-compassion.

150 days of a long-term illness. For most of them, pretending to be what I am not: okay.