Support Brenda's Family Through Crisis

Hello family, friends, and fellow donors. My name is Brenda for those who don't know me. I'm a mother to 4 beautiful, amazing kids - 2 girls and 2 boys.

I'm using this platform in high hopes to keep my family afloat and to tell my/our journey over the last year and a half +. Its quite lenghtly but please bare with me as I share our trials, tribulations and triumphs. Any donation amount even $10, $20 dollars would be an added benefit for our family during this though time.

We'll start from April 21, 2023, its 6AM and my partner gets a call from his job telling him he's been terminated. At the time I was a stay at home mom on the hunt for employment myself. To make matters worse just hours later I then receive a call with news my papa passed away. He was more of a father to me and helped in raising me. This double whammy hit us hard and my world was shattered.

Emotional well being aside, my family needed me and my search for employment continued. A few weeks later I got offered a job, but the peiod between the application process and the start date of my orientation was a 2 month gap.

Now we're in late June and I start my new job. However, we're significantly behind on bills at this point. Just 2 weeks into my new job the only car we have to rely on at the time breaks down without warning and is beyond our financial scope of repair. My partner was due to begin a new job himself the morning of our car breaking down. So, I rely on the bus and other means of transportation- uber, lyft, local taxi services okay no problem. But, he in turn has to begin his search again as the job opportunity was outside the city.

Meanwhile, I make way to work and I become ill on the job. They send me home and tell me to get a couple days rest. I return to work, not feeling my best but I push through another day. The following day I become so violently ill I vomit and collapse in immense pain. It's July 2nd. I call my friend asking her for a ride to urgent care. I'm thinking it must be food poisoning along with mother nature and they could give me something and I could just return to work..I just could NOT afford to lose this job. I'd just started.

I get into the urgent care, long story short they take a urine sample to check for a uti and in turn they come back telling me I'm pregnant. 5 weeks, 5 days. I'm truly surprised because again I assumed my cycle was playing a part in this situation and this would be my 2nd cycle of the month which was not a rarity for me at times. Sometimes the 2nd go round is back with a vengance.

Considering the circumstances of a positive result and regarding as to why I'm bleeding and in such severe pain, I was referred to the ER.

To summarize the ER visit I'm given an ultrasound which confirms the pregnancy. But I'm also told I'm possibly experiencing an incomplete miscarriage in progress as the baby's heart rate was low, positioned low as if prepping for birth. I was also diagnosed with a subchorionic hemorrhage- bleeding in the uterus, and submucosal fibroid- a non cancerous tumor that grows in the uterus; and the one I had was growing into the middle layer of the uterine cavity and pressed right above the baby's placement where the head would be. They assumed that was the cause for my bleeding and placed me on few days bed rest to allow the pending miscarriage to run its course. I return to work.

On July 14, I return to the Drs for follow up ultrasounds due to increased bleeding but still had not miscarried. I find out the type of fibroid I had was the LEAST common but the MOST problematic and that it had grown in size since my previous ultrasound. The baby's heart rate was even lower. This left Drs stumped and myself in a waiting game status. They recommended bed rest again.

I returned to work anyway with the thought of my family in mind, I had the only income and if I were miscarrying there was unfortunately nothing I could do to prevent it. The thought messed me up mentally but that was the reality I was facing.

July 28th I had another appointment. The baby's heart rate increased slightly, yet my conditions were worsening and my health was at risk. I was 9 weeks and 4 days along and still didn't miscarry. The Drs then placed me on permanent bed rest and labeled me high risk.

With all of the back and forth to the Drs, I brought this information to my employer who then gave me 2 options: 1. Resign with the opportunity to come back once my condition was in the clear or 2. be fired without the chance of rehire. Considering the status of my health, Drs orders and the info presented to me I made the hard choice to resign; facing the fact that most people who do miscarry happen within the 1st trimester. As much as it pained me to think of losing our baby and a great opportunity shook me. I didn't know what to do.

Our landlord had been patiently understanding of our situation since April's events and things were making a turn around in the short time I was employed. But now with the new situations arising it seemed we would never catch up, mounting bills, rent, etc. So he agreed to let us move out at the end of August without putting an eviction on our name to make matters worse for us.

In the midst of this going on, Aug. 17th I awake from a nap in a pooling amount of blood. I thought this was the final step of the miscarriage but the amount was alarming so I head to the ER once again. At this point I feel the Drs were tired of seeing me. Im roughly 12 weeks and the miscarriage still had NOT happened. They had no solid answers for me and told me I would need to see specialists. (This will come up later in the story)

So with the information of me having to move, I call my mom and she offered her home to us the best she could. We also had to get rid of 90% of our belongings because we were dealing with an infestation problem. So, we use what funds we have, pack our keepsakes, our clothes and very miminally necessary things in the back of a small Uhaul and we head to Milwaukee September 1st- my birthday.

Mid September I set up an appt. with my previous OB for my 1st pregnancy. Im 17 weeks and 5 days. My bleeding finally subsides and when they check me the fibroid was just gone. They said it resolved itself. Finally some good news. But due to the fact I bled the entire 1st trimester, the baby's position was still low, and heart rate decreased slightly I was still in high risk category.

Oct. 26th I'm around 23 weeks. I get an ultrasound that shows I have a shortened cervix which significantly increased my chances of going into preterm labor by 30-40%. They also suspect a condition called placenta accreta- a condition where the placenta attaches abnormally to the uterine muscle making it difficult to attach after labor. It is by far the most obstetric complication of pregnancy.

November 2nd this is confirmed and to get a scope of the severity I get an MRI. This not only reveals the confirmation but that I have an INCRETA, which is level 2 meaning it has grown even deeper into the muscle layer and in my case it is bordeline invading my bladder. This puts me at an extremely high risk pregnancy not only for myself but the baby as well. This also answers a lot of my previous complications from earlier such as the bleeding, etc.

Nov. 20th, just 1 month shy of finding out the complications of my cervix and the increta diagnosis I found out just how severe my condition was. I never heard of it until I found out I have it. I met with a specialist in the field. I was told I'd need a mandatory vertical (up and down) classical c-section as opposed to the standard horizontal method of left to right; told I would have to deliver no later than 35 weeks meaning baby girl would be premature and need nicu care; and told I would need a life saving hysterectomy. Meaning I could no longer have kids, I was way beyond good with 4 but the choice would no longer be mine.

7 days later I take my glucose test. Results show I may have gestational diabetes. Dec. 13th this was also confirmed. I'm like sheesh how much more could I take, what else besides the worst possible thing could happen, ya know?! This is all happening so fast. I'm just shy of 30 weeks so to find out I have to deliver within the next 5 weeks is a rush.

Dec. 20th I go meet with another set of Drs to begin management for the diabetes, go over surgery procedures etc and then I find out I'm at an even HIGHER risk for preterm labor and a condition called "PROM"- premature rupture of membranes- esentially when the water breaks before labor begins. And so my surgery was scheduled for mid Jan.

All of this going on and our younest sons birthday was coming up just days before christmas, then the holiday itself and the new year would be rolling in soon.

December 29th, just 9 days later this is exactly what occurs and my waters break....in the middle of shopping for pullups at walmart...alone. I'm admitted to the hospital via ambulance, given antibiotics to delay labor and prevent infection because I absolutely can NOT go into active labor or I would die and the baby would be at risk. I'm also given a steroid shot to help with the development of the baby's lungs. Im then given an ultrasound and the Dr even referred to it as being 'bone dry'. From the time my water broke in the store to getting an ultrasound it was ALL gone. This raised concerns but they delayed delivering baby since I had not begun dialating and they needed her to remain in the womb as long as possible. This is when I found out amniotic fluids regenerate. I always thought when it was gone that was it. So that was a funny bit for me in this high tense situation.

I experience all this and the next 7 days to follow predominantly alone. My mother and partner took turns tending to the kids and working so the only comforts I had were thru video chat.

Into the new year I begin bleeding again, not a significant amount but enough to alarm the Drs to warrant an emergency c section so my date was bumped.

I was heading into surgery and delivery at 32 weeks and 5 days. I was placed under anesthesia, given multiple IV lines- a bore line, arterial line, a midline catheter and stents. During the procedure I hemorrhaged losing 2 liters of blood and my blood pressure dropped dangerously low in the 80s/40s range and I required a blood transfusion. The severity of my placenta increta was even more severe than what they found in imaging so I did require the hysterectomy to save my life. My partner and my doula were my support for the 12 hour operation.

Our daughter was delivered at 4lbs 9oz and required immediate NICU care. I didn't even get to meet her until the following morning, not even a glimpse before they took her away. Here's a picture of the moment I met her.

My partner had to leave shortly after and my doula was long gone once surgery was complete. So I remained in the hospital alone.

The day after delivery my blood pressure dropped from 100s/60s back into the 80s/40s range I had during surgery, I had a fever and chills, and anemic. I required another blood transfusion and iron via IV line. Along with other complications throughout the day I was so terrified to sleep that night I was given anxiety meds and a sleep aid to help me rest.

Day 3 the very same friend who was there with me to find out about my pregnancy came to visit me. It brought me some sense of peace after having such a rough night.

Day 4 I was told I was well enough to discharge and return home. But I had a long road to recovery. Worst of it all our baby remained hospitalized. And every day I went to the hospital to provide milk supply, get updates, and spend what little time I could with her.

She would remain in the NICU 25 days.

Meanwhile 2 or so weeks after I'm discharged from the hospital my partner gets notified the company was closing one of their plants and giving the remaining jobs to their regular employees. He was in a temp to hire position though another company and the temp service was finding out that day without warning. Our baby wasn't even home yet but with 4 kids and still being unable to work we were like what are we gonna do, why can't we catch a break. When our daughter was home it made it even more of a challenge because I could do no more than walk or hold anything more than the baby's weight.

Then in early February a long time friend of his offered his home and his help to get a job, etc to get our feet off the ground running. We thought that was a good idea, but, with the baby and I needing constant medical attention and 2 of our kids still in the school year, we decided best he go ahead of us to get things going once I got cleared by Drs to return to regular activity. Eventually I was cleared to resume daily activity but not cleared for work, but with that he left at the end of February to make a turn in the right direction for a better life.

I sacrificed being home with now 4 kids and he sacrificed being away from not only his kids but his new born he'd only seen less than 30 days since she been home. This was a hard choice for everyone. I would not be cleared for work until late March due to the amount of trauma I experienced. But the search for employment took much longer than I anticipated and my partner provided the financial support along with family here and there. I finally got a job in July. I was eventually able to buy a car from my mom's friend in October and he was able to find us a place to call home. We applied and were approved to move in November.

We thought things were finally going well on the right track, we had a car, had a place to call home, he was working and I found a job offer shortly after moving here.

I couldn't afford to move over 400 miles in a Uhaul, so I packed up what I could fit into my 2008 nissan rogue and drove the truck, my mom trailed me with the kids in the car. Big mistake. 3 hours into the drive on the highway the car stalled out while I'm on the road. Long story short with this one I have to take the back roads another 9 hour drive.

2 days after arriving in Michigan the heat went out the car, the defrost doesn't work, nothing. Even with diy methods it's becoming impossible to see out of the windows. The car has issues with the muffler and catalytic converter. And heart a few days ago began having issues with even starting at all. Its not the battery because I got a new battery for the car when I bought it so it's only a couple months old. We just can't afford all these constant unforseen problems that keep arriving almost weekly. And we NEED car repair because there is no bus line where we live and the option for ride services are slim to none, or expensive.

My partner was also let go of his job shortly after we moved here and I cant speak on that due to legalities. And the job I had lined up didn't pan out. However, I have a new job offer I recently started just days ago. But December has gone by and we're already starting to fall behind on bills due to lack of income again. This is absolutely our last resort. I have a small family and even smaller the amount of people who can provide financial assistance. The family my partner and I created are his family, he has no one else.

We are not together in a romantic setting but we have done everything we could to constantly try to keep our family unit together under a co partnering household.

We are looking to use any funds donated towards the following

-Paying bills such as rent and utilities for the month of December/January at least

-Car repair for exhaust muffler, heat repair

- home goods and hygiene needs for the family

- Christmas for our children

- gift for our son who's birthday is just days before christmas and gift for our daughter who's birthday is just days after the new year.

So again I am truly thankful for those who stuck with me and read through and any donation amount is helpful. $20 even $10 from several people is a greatly added benefit to help us this christmas season. Thank you.