'STOP BEING POOR' Courses For Foodbank Users

I am raising money to send food bank users on budgeting courses so they stop being poor. I have been inspired by the wise words of the Conservative MP Tim Loughton who recently said that people who use food banks are only there because they can't budget properly.

With the October half-term break coming up, Marcus Rashford is bound to be in all of the papers again with the usual twaddle about poor families not having the money to feed their kids, and so this time I am determined to show Marcus how ridiculous he sounds.

With these funds, I will set up temporary budgeting centres in the same locations as existing food banks and employ staff to approach people who are queueing up and waiting for their items. Imagine how amazing they will feel after 30 minutes with a budgeting specialist who will tell them how to maximise their income to cover all of their household costs and food for their families! They will be amazed at how much cash they can free up by cutting back on luxuries such as broadband, Netflix and taxis.

Please give generously. With our help and expertise, along with your donations, we will make a difference.

IMPORTANT LEGAL NOTE: In the event that there are any minor flaws with this plan, such as the fact that it is impossible to magic money out of thin air if you are already budgeting with f*ck all due to rent, council tax and utilities being non-f*cking-negotiable, any money raised will be donated directly to food banks and 'holiday hunger' initiatives in Essex via a fund that is administered by friends and colleagues at the Essex Association Of Local Councils.

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