SpookToons: Help Disabled Artist Move from Danger

Help Monty/SpookToons, disabled artist, have a home away from abusive, dangerous living situation. $20k is a big goal that I want to be wishful for but anything will help during this struggle to live peacefully after so much suffering.

I've been wanting to start a fundraiser so my best friend, pets and I can move for years. I feel guilty for asking for donations for this but I really have no hope in getting out with my own abilities any more. Both my physical and mental health are suffering greatly with the situations getting worse with time. I want to move to OK to be near my sister, who is one of the only consistently supportive family members I have who is not abusive toward me. This will be long, I'm sorry if it's a bit of a read.

My name is Monty, I'm a disabled, trans freelance artist, I'm known as SpookToons@Twitter  Spookaboo on FA, and RogMont on Tumblr.

I'm a disabled cancer survivor, I spent my late teens up to my mid-20's undergoing extensive and extreme treatments to save my life. This has given me permanent physical damage and weakened health overall. I've had 4 heavy chemo sessions (one being the strongest a human can survive, they said), blood thinners for over a year straight due to getting a blood clot in my lung from being bedridden and a stem cell transplant as a last resort when the chemo didn't work. I've survived but suffer physically and mentally from the trauma of almost dying several times in a rather short amount of time. I've been diagnosed with PTSD, major depression, anxiety, agoraphobia, body dysphoria (being trans and undergoing a ton of medical attention/surgeries/poking & prodding is a nightmare in its own), BPD, and who knows what else at this point. I suffer from fatigue due to my weakened health, body aches, back pain/spasms, lumbar spondylosis (my lower back is breaking down due to radiation treatments), GI issues (my gallbladder was removed with no change in stomach problems/unable to digest a lot of foods) and asthma with additional trouble from scarring in my lungs. So things are always difficult, even when it comes to just existing.

This all sounds like a lot but on top of it all, I've been living with family, paying rent, utilities, groceries and pet expenses for years while being treated horrifically. Even with my health suffering, I do everything in my power to use my limited energy to care for strays who find their home with us and use a lot of my funds to give them quality food and vet care. Having animals in my life has been one of the strongest driving forces for me to hang on even when things feel hopeless and I'm a danger to myself due to PTSD and intrusive suicidal thoughts. I want so badly to move to a small house with the animals I care for so I can spend my time with them, my best friend and my sister, who all care deeply for animals, too.

My living situation is horrible, abusive and constant chaos. My parents whom I rent from make living here hell. The house is filled with screaming matches, slamming doors, violent outbursts of throwing and breaking objects and even physical violence has been happening this passed year or so. I do everything in my power to be quiet, polite and subservient as much as possible, unless I make the mistake of letting a panic attack's nervous sounds spill from my mouth or physically shake/jolt, which has triggered my mother into verbally attacking me, even setting off my severe asthma attacks which have made me fear for my life. When money is tight at the end of the month, I will get screamed at, insulted and mocked because they feel like I'm not doing enough for them. If I ever try to share my upset feelings with them, my father may name call and treat me as a pathetic child who would be homeless without them, even though I am paying them so much of my money, and my mother will literally laugh at me and mock my feelings and troubles, saying I have no reason to feel this way. I can never bring up any problems to my mother without her aggressively dishing out verbally abusive things then trying to guilt me as if I'm being cruel to her. My father's physical health has gotten much worse over the years, suffering from cancer he will not get treated, so he doesn't have as much energy to be abusive to me as he used to but they fight with each other a lot, still, while my mother has become physically abusive to him in his weakened state and I fear it will just get worse for everyone else in the house. I never know what will set off my mother nowadays, I get screamed at and mocked for almost anything with no definitive trigger as to why. This is all a constant daily nightmare to be in and I just want to get out with my best friend and animals, so we can be in a safe space near my sister. To add, my parents have threatened to take all of the animals, the ones they do not care or pay for, to the shelter to be euthanized or threaten physically violent deaths for them to scare and hurt me. They have taken animals to the pound in the past when I was physically too sick and weak to fight for them, so they know how badly this has traumatized me and use this as yet another means of control.

I feel so ashamed and guilty sharing this but I've been conditioned by my family to keep this all quiet and hidden away, as a past counselor helped me understand. It's all been one horrible, nonstop, traumatic roller coaster for me for so, so long and I just want to know what it's like to have a simple, peaceful life where I can create art and take care of animals who need a place to go. I feel bad for dishing out so much information but I just want to share what I can just to emphasize how horrible this living situation is and how badly we (myself, my best friend and the animals) need out for our health and happiness. To be completely honest, this is just skimming the surface of what I can spill out as quickly as I can, as I have the nerve.

I want to offer free art packs as this fundraiser goes, so my guilt doesn't eat me alive and I feel like I am giving something back. I want to make some milestones with art pack rewards to every one once they're hit. I know this place doesn't offer this kind of option but I will make the art packs free to download for the public as this is funded. My living situation makes doing art very slow, it's very mentally tasking of course, but I want to hope this could help and I can push to give back as I gain help for a better life. Any donation is greatly appreciated and it will mean the world to not only me but my best friend, sister and all the animals we care for.

I want to aim for $20k overall, I know this is a lot but I have tried for years to figure out something with no success while it just gets worse by the day. $10k could get us a down payment on a home close to my sister in OK with extra expense to go toward moving trucks and moving supplies to make it a few states over. I don't know how successful this could be but I want to at least try. Sometimes these go well, so I want try my best to get some kind of help rather than just suffering, helpless for more years to come.

Thank you to anyone who reads this, shares this or even graciously donates. Any donation helps!