My brand, Mancinism, is a very open, honest and truthful one, which is why my business isn't just business for business sake (probably why I make little profit, being too much of a giver and just love helping people with my craft). I represent my brand, therefore significant parts of my life story, including 7 years of homelessness and family court battles for my daughter over a total of 14 years, are intertwined for that personal, non-filtered touch.
Firstly, I've always suspected certain mental health issues within myself...well, ever since the breakdown of my marriage at age 27, where it turned out I had an abusive side, triggered by, what I now realise as a mentally ill woman (surmised to have Borderline Personality Disorder), making me homeless and having the time to reflect on one's behaviour, whether others choose to recognise / acknowledge them or not, I myself, have developed a great insight into my behaviour as time has passed...and I'm lucky to be able to have the ability to look inside myself, reflect on the past while analysing my own behaviour...instead of living in denial and pretending the issue is with someone else...
Since my stepfather passed away last St. Patrick's Day, I've been depressed...anyone who truly knows me, knows that I can't keep still, a mile a minute, always looking for excuses to get creative...but I noticed a drastic change in myself; not wanting to get out of bed for weeks, trying to find some form of inspiration / incentive to drag myself onto my PC...together with the frustrations of not being able to move into suitable accommodation for my teenage daughter & I to cohabit, needless to say things began to take a serious tole on my mental state...
THE MENTAL HEALTH CONDITIONS IN QUESTION:
ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder)
ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) &
OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
OTHER CONTRIBUTING FACTORS:
1. Spiralling / Never-Ending Debt (Since homelessness, '03 - '10) - Currently just under £19K: The problem with being homeless for so long, is that as soon as you sign a tenancy, all the creditors you owe, start flooding your postbox with letters. Since escaping homelessness in Feb 2010, I've managed to clear a few of the smaller debts (under £200 each), but with the lack of employment opportunities for someone who's been out of work for so long, together with a CRB / DBS with 3 spent violent convictions (anger related), I find myself in a vicious circle when moving home, as I always seem to leave at least a utility debt at previous last address...
I won't go into too much detail about my debt, as I'm not asking for direct help in that respect...but please feel free to ask for scanned proof of my financial situation, should it give you peace of mind about donating...my goal for this campaign is purely made up of costs to help me launch a reward-based crowdfunding campaign for my #FATHERHOODIES social awareness project. This project was inspired by the unexpected result of my daughter being thrown out of her East London home by her mother in June 2017, naturally I moved my daughter into my 1 bed flat in Redhill, gave her my room as I slept and worked in the lounge where I felt the need to explain the overcrowding situation to any client that visited...the point of this project is to raise awareness of those fathers that do actually step up to their responsibilities, celebrating them while sending inspirational, loving, proud and celebratory messages / spoofs about fatherhood and what it really means to be a responsible father, whether you have any sort of relationship with the child's mother or not, hopefully inspiring those who are less involved with their children, to be more proactive - below is a breakdown of the costs I need to cover:
I'm going with the 25 x 1-Colour print option for the FatherHoodies, as it's the most cost-effective option…
• 500 x Hem Labels: £210.00 (Minimum Quantity - I hand-sew these on personally to save costs and for that touch of personal finishing touch)
• 100 x D/S Swing Tickets: £270.00 (Minimum Quantity - I would also attach these myself to save costs)
• 25 x 1-Colour Printed, Mixed Colours Varsity Contrast Hoodies: £295.43 (Minimum Quantity)
• 100 x D/S, matt or gloss laminated, premium business cards: £18 (Minimum Quantity)
• 100 x 148mm square, value silk, double-sided flyers: £18 (Minimum Quantity)
• 1500 x 37mm dia, 190gsm silk, small circle stickers: £35 (For a mix of package sealing and advertising)
SUB TOTAL: £846.43
2.Various Physical / Musculoskeletal Pains (Daily): This Marvel Avengers: Age of Ultron / Iron Man's Jarvis style is designed to give you a general insight into the combination of mental and physical issues I suffer with day-to-day, together with the spiritual connection to my daughter, my sole reason I keep on fighting...
After watching an Autism TV programme in March 2018 made by 2 autistic women, I was encouraged to do an online autism test / quiz...I paid for one online and it came back with the following results:
1155 out of 2240 (52%) Borderline or High Functioning Autism
Since submitting those results to my GP, I waited 2 months to see if anything would happen, I heard nothing so thought I'd chase...it turned out it was just sitting there, neglected!...She apologised then finally put the wheels in motion... At least she admitted the truth, but seriously?...
Last August I received an ASD clinic letter from Surrey & Borders Partnership saying I'm on a waiting list...now, since moving into what seemed to be an exciting brand new flat for my daughter & I, I became even more depressed due to how poorly built and thin this new build is, we even had our own mini version of Grenfell, in the way of my water pipe bursting, flooding the ground floor for 2 hours till SES Water decided to show up!...Not ideal for someone with mental health issues, on top of bereavement - can you imagine? What an anti-climactic experience - waiting almost a year to be rehoused due to overcrowding, only to be given a flat that feels like it's been built with several thousand decks of cards! Now I feel trapped here, having to cope with constant thunderous banging heard / felt from the 2 flats above me and 1 directly underneath me!
[ For downloadable personal letters from public services, visit SOS on my website ]
The concept of death or suicide is so commonplace, that as a society, we're desensitised to it. But when the suicide topic is brought up, it's either met with insensitivity from those who simply can't relate, or skepticism, maybe they think it's a shout for attention, which isn't a bad thing if the thoughts of suicide are genuine - but I'd say more often than not, they think it's an exaggeration of one's feelings.
The last time I felt this way, was during my 7-year homeless period in March 2008 (Gloucestershire)...my then partner unexpectedly abandoned me to sort her own homelessness out in London, at this time we were park-surfing sleeping in a shower-proof tent. With the Police and local hospital turning their backs on me, it would've been so easy to end my life...surrounded by Gloucester Docks and not being able to swim, with various medication in my backpack and hauling what was left of my local life in a large suitcase (the perfect anchor)...however, the thought of my estranged daughter kept me fighting for my existence...and here I am again, but this time I actually have my daughter in my life, as the sole parent...
I wish to continue making an impression with a positive legacy of non-conformity, non-stereotypical, inspirational visuals which aid to break down barriers and tear away stigmas around Equality & Diversity, Fatherhood and Mental Health...which is why I've begun posting chapter parts from my working progress autobiography, as well as very personal post from my living document "Self-Awareness" If you'd like a further insight into my story, please feel free to have a read of my candid disclosures via my new blog page .