Life is tough

I'm not the type of person who likes asking for help because I have been taking care of myself since the age of fifteen.  What I needed I've always got it done from learning how to read at the age of twenty to pulling myself through college with a BA in sociology. Sociology, there was a time when I couldn't even spell the word lol; but in 2015, I was told I had myocarditis and type 2 diabetes.  I was hurt and embarrassed because I fought so hard to get stability in my life.

I nearly died twice in 2015 due to my heart, but I've always tried to find the positive.  Through my pain, I joked with all my doctors, saying "if I die I would come back and haunt them; they wouldn't be able to take a boo boo  in peace.   They will be sitting on the toilet and I'll whisper 'what ya doing' lmbo". I had some tumor's in 2015 call teratoma.  Did y'all know, teratoma can develop eyes and teeth I thought that they would come out like that thing in the movie Spaceballs singing 'hello my honey, hello my darling' - lol.  I had a part hysterectomy that year as well because I had a bleeding issue. Yeah y'all I've been through hell but it doesn't end there, I had wanted to go back to work once I was cleared from my doctors and that happened about six mos later maybe seven I'm not sure.

Well in 2018 my body was like I'm not done messing with you and I started to have trouble with my umbilicus, again that's just another word for belly button. To the point that fluids was coming out of it - yeah really nasty. I had that problem in 2015 and they thought it was because of the tumors, and when they took them out, it stopped for three years.  For some reason unknown, the fluids where like what's up I'm back; so the doctor's gave me a new belly button. The Kardashians have a new booty; I have a new belly button.   I had two more surgeries. It was crazy and with me not working, the organizations that helped me before could no longer help me.   I lost my place and moved in with my mother in Kansas.

I'm currently waiting on my disability to come through, but I would like to swallow my pride and ask for help if anyone can. I would like to help my mother because she is paying my bills for me.  I know she doesn't mind, but I feel so hurt because I feel like I'm hurting her with my phone bill and storage bill and with other things I need. I'm 44 and I feel like I have accomplish nothing, oh my God somebody call Dr. Phil lol.

When a friend tried to help me with a gofund me page in 2018 I said no because I'm private and I was embarrass but now when he came to me about it again well, I would like to take a little load off my mother even though I'm still embarrassed.

A little more about me is that I like to write letters and poems.  I've been writing letter's since Hurricane Katrina for equal rights and justice. I've heard back from the Mayors office in New York, Forth Worth TX, the police commissioner in Philly and a investigator in Las Vegas. If something went down in your town, oh I'm pretty sure they heard from me - lol.  President Obama said that I made him a better President but he was getting ready to go. I was thinking, how I made you better when you're leaving lol.


I would like to share a couple of poems that helps me to get through and I hope they will help whomever may read this.

                                 
                                                                                            Depression
Depression you will not Dictate who I am.
Depression I've tried to Escape from you.
Depression the pain of you makes me numb.
Depression I will Rise above you because Jesus has risen for me.
Depression I've had Enough of you.
Depression you will not have me Smiling on the outside while I'm dying on the inside.
Depression the Son of God died for me, so that I may live.
Depression you will not Isolate me.
Depression I am not Obligated to you.
Depression I don't Need you in my life.

                        By Truchrissy AKA Christina Malloy

                                                                                            Content

I have decided
To be content right
Where I'm at.
To have a peaceful
Mind, not worrying
About where I'm
At. Because God
Has me here
For a reason.
And I must allow
Him to take the
Wheel, in my
Life. Being
Content in
The blessings
Around me.
Smiling when
I have nothing
To smile about.
Praying when
There seems to
Be no hope.
I have decided
To be content
In all of my
Blessings.

                                  By Truchrissy


                                                                    I woke up like this

Isaiah 41 verse 10
I woke up like this
I woke up with peace
I woke up with purpose
I woke up with my right mind.
I woke up with love
I woke up knowing that
No weapons formed against
Me shall prosper.
I woke up knowing that
He is yay and Amen!
I am a overcomer
I am a child of God!
I will get through it!
I woke up like this!

                                          By Truchrissy AKA Christina Malloy

                                                                 
                                                                    One

One God
One universe
One earth all created by God
One son of God
God in the flesh
To save a nation.
A nation of different races
Created by God.
So when you look at me
Don't look at my race
Just look at what God
Has created, and see
That we are all one.

                                              By Christina Malloy