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Sleeping Babies (stillborn..money for a cold cot)

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From her Dads view

Evie-Grace Tanith Lane – Her name means to be graceful, Goddess of Love, The Moon and The Stars.

She was born sleeping on 13th September 2018 at 13:36pm weighing 5lbs 6oz – she was perfect in every way.

 The number 13 now seems to be the most unlucky number for me, she was born on the 13th Day, 13th Hour. We lived at number 13 and her Grandparents also lived at number 13.

We planned to have children and when my girlfriend fell pregnant it was the best news, we were so excited for the future but nothing prepared us for the heartache that was about to follow.

On the 11th September just past midnight was at work and received a text off my girlfriend to say that she hadn’t felt Evie move but to not worry. At 12:30pm her mum called to say that I needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible. When I arrived her mum told me “there’s no heart beat”, her step-dad said “she’s gone”. My girlfriend’s grief stricken face broke my heart, I didn’t know what to do or say, my mind went blank, numb, I couldn’t protect her from the pain, I felt utterly helpless.

My girlfriend was given medication to promote the labour process.

When Evie came in to this world was the most heart breaking time that we have ever been through. I couldn’t hold her, I’d never seen such a beautiful baby, my baby, our baby. I felt emotions like bolts of lightning running through my heart. My heart was broken, being smashed to pieces and stamped on all in seconds, like waves. I struggled to digest everything, struggled to comfort my girlfriend, struggled to comprehend on what was going on. Where do we go from here? I didn’t want this, we didn’t want this. We had planned for the future, dreamt of the moment we would first see her. Never did we think this would happen, these things don’t happen, people don’t talk about things like this…it’s almost unheard of. How naïve we were.

Both of our families came to the hospital and took it in turns to give our beautiful baby girl cuddles. It was such a sad time yet I felt so proud to be her daddy and knew how much she was loved by everyone. I tried to stay strong for my girlfriend, to carry on everyday as normal as possible. Nothing was normal any more, we weren’t the same people anymore. We had changed overnight. I couldn’t make anything right, I couldn’t fix it. Putting a brave face on for everyone was exhausting.

We were able to spend 4 days at the hospital. Evie-Grace was put into a Cold Cot, which meant we were allowed to have her in the room for the duration.

The time came when we had to leave her, we made sure she was with a lovely midwife who treasured her like her own. We had our final dance with our baby girl carried between us, a moment I will cherish forever, for a glimpse of the future what was meant to be a true perfect family.

Unfortunately our relationship broke down, which is more common than what I thought. We both needed help and support but couldn’t seek it from each other. I hope one day we both find happiness again. Always know that our daughter will never be forgotten, my love for her is and always will be true.

I am so thankful for The Countess of Chester Hospitals Maternity Ward providing the Cold Cot.

A Cold Cot, is a cot which cools the baby and therefore prolongs the amount of time parents can spend with their stillborn baby – providing precious time to spend bonding with their baby which helps the grieving process.

I have since decided to channel my grief into something that will be of great help to other parents facing this devastating situation.

If I can help at least one family through their loss then it is all worthwhile, I genuinely wish that no other family have to experience the loss of a child at any stage.

I am raising money towards a Cold Cot and the Maternity Ward at The Countess of Chester. We were given 4 precious days with our daughter until another family needed it.

My real hope is that even if it doesn’t get used very often, which I hope it won’t, that parents have the chance to spend that extra time with their baby. It is so important as this is the only time parents will have with their baby and these precious memories will stay with them forever.

The death of a baby is a devastating experience. The effects of grief are overwhelming and parents, their families and friends can be left feeling dazed, disorientated, isolated and exhausted.

A cold cot offers the invaluable chance to spend more time with them to say goodbye.

All monies will be gratefully received, please know every penny will help in supporting parents with their final moments with their babies.

Organizer

Stephen Lane
Organizer

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