He left his three girls just like that, without warning, goodbye, one last "I love you", or even a note. Words cannot begin to describe what that feels like.
I don't think we will ever understand why he did it.
Those of us who knew him well know he would have never done something like this. But, he had an addiction my father was an alcoholic. It was always a subject that we were not to talk about (it was to be kept within the family) and people often belittled it when mentioned.
My family and I have decided we do not want to hide it anymore and we want to be open and honest about everything. My father drank beer daily for as long as I can remember, since before he was even old enough to drink. My mom, sister, and I have spent years listening to my dad and everyone else tell us that it was not a big deal. My dad would always say “it’s light beer, it’s not like I’m drinking hard liquor” and almost every time we had problems at home it was related to his addiction.
All we ever wanted was for him to get help or want to change. We wanted him to realize the harm he was causing himself and the heartache he was causing us.
Unfortunately, his drinking severely escalated in the past year and, due to many out of character behaviors he began displaying, my heart is telling me there was drug abuse as well.
However, we do not want my dad to be remembered for this because he was a good man. He used to say I was his lucky charm because when I was born 25 years ago he got his job at the Los Angeles Unified School District where he started his career. He started small and worked his way up eventually passing the examination to become a carpenter. He was a hard worker. He never missed work, he was always on time, and strongly believed in being responsible and creating stability for our family.
He loved music, classic rock in particular. Some of his favorite bands were the Rolling Stones and Led Zeppelin (he had both tattooed on his left arm). Most of the time he had enough instruments in the garage to form a full rock band: drums, guitars (acoustic and electric), bass, a microphone and even the stand to go with it. When I was 5 years old he taught me the basic guitar notes to Knocking on Heaven’s Door by Bob Dylan which I still remember to this day.
The funds will mainly be used to pay for the funeral services and the cremation. Any remaining funds will be used towards finding somewhere else to stay. My mother, sister, and I feel that it is too difficult for us to remain at home; being in the home we shared and especially being so close to the garage is a constant reminder of a traumatizing experience. Any and all contributions will be greatly appreciated from the bottom of our hearts, thank you very much.
My family and I hope our honesty will help other families that are struggling with their own issues. Please don’t be afraid or ashamed to seek help.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)
National Helpline 1-800-622-4357
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