Serenity in our transition

As some of you know our family has been struggling with Nicks addiction for many years. He'll be doing very well and life will be great, but then suddenly he relapses and everything falls apart.  As hard as this struggle is for him as an addict, it has been just as hard for me trying to raise children in this unpredictable sitaution and maintain security and structure, and sense of dignity.

So here we are again. After a good long stretch of life going deceivingly well with his sobriety....he relapsed back in March. I tried to hang on and keep things together. I tried to help him to keep his head in the family and to remember that the children and I needed him to be well, but I failed. This summer I finally had enough and asked him to leave, because the constant lies, manipulation, betrayal and struggle to get him to financially support the household and children became too much of a fight. It was exhausting, chaotic and toxic for us all, so I let go. He returned a couple of times during moments of clarity and was very remorseful, while claiming he really wanted to change, but that never last more than a few days to a week, and then he'd disappear.

To make matters worse, I recently found out that my landlord is selling the house we rent, and when it sells I'd have 30 days to find a place and vacate. Fortunately I found a place already, and am hoping to be packed up and moved in the new house by sept 1st. Its important that I get the girls  settled in so they can start the new school year under better circumstances than last year, and also so I can get right into working a full-time job. But In the meantime, I have no financial support from Nick to pay the bills that are behind, current or for moving expenses. I've tried to plead with him several times to help, but sadly he's unable to grasp the reality of what's going on.  I did apply for assistance, which helps with food, but there are no programs to help with household expenses while a family is in transition like we are.

I'm swallowing the little pride I have and asking for help. It was very difficult for me to do this but I'm at the point where I've run out of ideas. I have managed to make rent on time every month, and keep the bills frim being shut off, but this month I have nothing, so I'm asking for help. I'd like to call it a loan because after I get a job and get in a position to do so, I hope to start repaying every one of you back that helps, however long that takes, I'm committed to that.

I've been a stay at home mom for many years, and I'll be facing a lot of challenges now as a newly single mother of four and with little skills, but I know so many moms who do it succesfully, and I'm so eager to put the bad times behind me and make a new life for myself and the girls!


Also, for anyone that knows and loves Nick, this isnt a smear campaign. I went to Nick on several occasions to plead with him for some child support/financial help until I could get on my feet, but have repeatedly been denied.  The money I did manage to get I had to confront and fight to get, and I can't do that anymore. It breaks my heart and makes me angry every time I have see that side of him that is so unlike his true self. I did tell him ahead of time that I was considering starting a gofundme as a last resort if he refused to help me, but like most addicts, he feels he's a victim right now, and is angry and defensive.  Please keep him in your thoughts, and If you see him, I hope you can have compassion and/or reach out and encourage him to get himself help so he get back to being the man and father I know he wants to be. I'm no longer able to be that person in his life.    
Thank you