Saying good bye too my little angel

Saying goodbye to my little angel

I was just like any other mum and parent who just found out they were expecting. Excited and full joy to be embarking on this new journey. Then my whole world crumbled in one on the 24th of December, Christmas Eve.
I was sitting in the airport in London ready to board my flight to New Zealand to see my family who I hadn't seen for 4 years. I was excited to see my family and friends and tell them my news. But I didn’t make it on to a plane as I just knew that there was something wrong.
I starting experiencing sharp pains and bleeding and was rushed to the hospital from the airport, only to wait 6 hours to be seen by someone. I was admitted but discharged the next day, Christmas Day, as apparently they couldn't do anything else for me or see what was wrong with baby. They referred me to another hospital for a scan on the Wednesday, 2 days later. I was scared but all I could do was only hope and pray that my baby would be ok.
I went home and tried to go about my day but things still didn't feel right. I rested and slept during the day but woke early hours of the morning. I went to the toilet and knew something was seriously wrong. I started bleeding rapidly and my heart just sank.
I couldn't feel my baby or any movement inside. I couldn't feel his little tiny feet kicking anymore, just pain. I was face down on my bathroom floor all by myself. I gave birth to my beautiful little, boy Noah James Cockroft Clay, at 1:30am. Noah was born sleeping, no sign of life or heartbeat. He was gone.
The ambulance came and we were rushed to the Royal Free Hospital. I was taken straight to the labour ward because the placenta was still intact. I spent 5 days in hospital and the staff were absolutely amazing. They really helped me through this hard time allowing me to hold and cuddle my son and spend time with him. After five days I was discharged.
I went home and ordered a post mortem to be done on my son to give me some answers and closure that I need. But the wait has only gotten harder. The tests have been done and I must now wait for another 12 weeks for the result.
Losing Noah has definitely been the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I never thought that I would ever have to bury one of my children, or to deal with this all on my own when living here in London and with my family being a million miles away. The last thing I thought I would ever have to do is ask for help to give my little boy the send off he deserves but I'm not in a financial situation nor is his father. This is why I've made a go-fund-me page. Please help me to take my little boy home to New Zealand to be with my family and to lay him to rest next to my grandparents.

Please share. Every little bit counts and is so appreciated. Thank you xx
With love from my little whanau in London ❤️❤️