I know I should've made this a while ago, instead of in September when my goal is to get to Seattle by January. But I've been scared that this would be seen by the wrong person. I’ve spent the last few years having my entire sense of being broken apart and trying to be forced to be someone I’m not, by someone I thought could change. But I was wrong, and I have been hurt, both physically and emotionally. Isolated. Guilt tripped, gaslighted. My cat was used against me. Everything needed permission, needed to be on their time. I was watched, constantly. I needed to say what I was doing, at all times. I wasn't allowed to cry. If I got mad, they got madder. Every time I tried to leave it got worse. It was years of suffocation and even now I feel like I can’t breathe. I’ve been so scared that anything I do will be discovered and even as I’m typing this I have this awful gut twist like something bad is going to happen.

But I’m more tired than scared now.

I want to live my life for me, with nobody’s expectations to hold me down and try to meld me into something they expect. I want to breathe freely. I want to be safe and happy, and for my cat to be happy and safe with me in our own space. She was all that kept me going and still is. I keep working hard even on my worst days, and I’m still working toward the life I want for us, to get to where my most amazing friends that have supported me, my dreams, and stood by me through my healing mess that I am.

I’m asking for help now, every little bit, every little share, would mean so much to me.