<div>for so long i have been too scared to ask for help. i think on some level i thought i needed other people’s acceptance and permission. i didn’t see myself as deserving enough. i felt too proud in that i had to work it out for myself. i’ve been out publicly for over 5 years now and it’s changed my life. from about the age of 11 i knew i wouldn’t make it to my 18th birthday. she didn’t, but i did.
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<div>since 17 i’ve been going round in circles in life. knowing i don’t want to die anymore but really struggling to be alive. i’ve missed out on so many opportunities because of dysphoria. because i don’t look or feel like myself and it holds me back.
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<div>the pain of binding is really kicking in now. physically, this is unsustainable. i have a large chest. this isn’t just mental pain it’s physical. and not being able to bind isn’t an option for me, it helps me feel safe and comfortable and cope with where i’m at.
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<div>more than anything i wanted to get my life on track - after years of mental illness i’ve been on antidepressants, i’ve been through therapy countless times. i know there are ways i will always struggle. but i also realise this is a major hurdle stopping me living a normal life. being around people, in education or work - loving myself and believing in and creating a future for myself.
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<div>there are simple things i wish for that i can’t do now - to walk around shirtless, go swimming, wear a tight fitting shirt, go to the gym and hug my friends.
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<div>i realised the only thing standing in my way is me. i have wonderful people around me who love and accept me and are willing and able to help. who understand that it’s not my fault that it’s impossible for me to keep surviving or raise such a large sum of money myself. i’ve been sat on the NHS waiting list from as soon as I realised I was trans. they’ve found every “administrative error” excuse possible to not see me. it’s been 5 years and i can’t keep ignoring my needs.
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<div>trans healthcare is a human right. being too afraid to start a fundraiser is just denying my right to live, freely as myself. finally, with hope for a future with me in it - maybe even one where i’m happy.
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<div>thank you so much for reading. your support is life changing. please share even if you can’t donate (and even if you can)! resharing is also appreciated - as this is a big goal, it will take a while &amp; as much help as I can get.
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