Rucker,

I remember the first day I found you. Walking into the pet store not expecting to walk out with anything, especially not a 12 week old puppy. But there you were. I remember calling my mom asking how she would feel if I bought a puppy. To which she replied "Don't you dare get a god damn dog you just started college". Little did she know I had already purchased you. I was on the phone with her as you were in my arms that you fit so perfectly in.

It was always you and me. People came and went but me and you stuck through it all. All the hardships, all of the bad decisions, and all of the hard lessons. And then we met Dani and the kids and we created a family. You became a staple in the home that made it our home because you were there to come home to everyday and every night. You made it full with all of the love and affection you gave and received from us.

We shared so many memories, ones that will forever be burned into my brain and in my heart. My favorites will always be the times we spent adventuring into sunrises and sunsets, snuggling so hard that we could fall asleep together anywhere, eating endless blue berries and watermelons, getting the zoomies after poops or just out of pure randomness, our long and short car rides, our wrestle matches, you following me literally everywhere, tucking you in every time the blankets came off of you, your visits to the bathroom just so I can pet you and kiss your whole face, our silent mornings together just sun bathing and laying in our presence, all of the college parties we endured, all of Wendy's french fries and pup cups, your nub wags whenever we would see each other. I'm pretty sure I matched your energy if not more in those moments because I just love you so much and would be so happy to see you. You held on to all of my secrets and licked my tears away during the times I wasn't sure If I would make it through. You always knew when something was wrong and knew what to do even if it meant just laying together in silence. You loved me no matter what. So endlessly and pure. You have been my constant for the last 12 years of my life.

And now its been weeks without you. I still haven't wrapped my head around the fact that you're really not here anymore. And my heart shatters writing this because I know its really real. I look for you everywhere. I don't know how I am supposed to move passed this when my heart is searching for you everyday. Just to kiss you once more and hold you. Just to be near you. I still feel you here. And I want you back more than anything in this whole entire world. The constant empty feeling I have daily and the cries I belt out for you is immeasurable beyond point of pain. I knew when I had to let you go that it would be so hard but not this hard. I wake up looking for you. I go to bed looking for you. I still bring your bed up and down. I still wait for you to come around the corners in the house. I still watch my steps in the kitchen so I don't trip on you. I still make an extra egg for you. I still hold the door for you to come out back with me. I still take our walks. The sun feels different on them now. Instead of us both feeling the sun you somehow became it so when it rests on my skin I feel you. I close my eyes and see you.

You have made such an impact in my life that it now feels strange being here without you. I literally lost a piece of me that I really can not get back. And I can truly only ever hope that when my time comes YOU are the very first thing that comes running to me. Rucker I miss you and I love you more than you could ever imagine. I will see you soon stink.

This has been the most difficult time in my life. I have lost people, people that are close to me but this is the one. The one I dreaded for years. The one I tried to prevent for so long. The one that always slowly creeps with time. But I knew it was coming, just not the way it did. But that's life, you just never know when. So do me a favor and be late for work, make the extra egg for them, take the longer walk. I wish I had more time and I know that seems selfish but I knew I was already on borrowed time to begin with. They're not in our lives forever unfortunately so do your best to make every second count because when they're gone, they're gone.

I want to personally thank my wife and my parents for being here for me. And also to everyone that has reached out over these last few weeks. I am sorry I haven't responded to many I am just still trying to navigate this loss.

We are asking for donations to help with Rucker’s vet bills, which built up quickly in a short time. Anything at all is deeply appreciated. Thank you again to everyone.