
Reaching For Hope, Health, and Healing
Donation protected
I figure most of the people seeing this know who I am. But for any that might not, I am Michael, and I presently have some important needs which I cannot fully meet on my own. I don't like reaching out; pride and my upbringing tell me that I should be self-reliant and able to take care of everything myself. But suffering quietly and desperately compels me to take the risk of opening myself and seeking help.
The needs for which I am seeking help are two-fold but linked; (I selected medical as my category because I do consider it primary, but I'm including some living expenses as relevant to the situation.)
First, I have a clinical mood disorder comprised of an unstable mix of depression and anxiety which I have dealt with for the majority of my adult life. I have been and am under the care of a prudent psychiatrist. It's difficult dealing with the illness itself and at times fluctuations in changing and adjusting appropriate medication, one aspect I am currently experiencing. It can be like constantly trying to shoot at a moving target.
I need to have some blood work done as part of the physiological aspect of my current treatment, and I don't presently have insurance. I also believe I need to see a clinical therapist if possible, at least for a short time to get myself oriented. My depression has taken a severe drop recently. As probably most are aware, this is quite expensive. I believe the average going rate is ~$200/hour. Quite prohibitive for the average Joe. I do know someone I like and believe to be good for what I am dealing with. But he is expensive. (As most are probably aware as well, simply existing these days is expensive.)
Which brings me to my second reason that I have been unemployed for two months and currently still am. I lost my job due to a company acquisition and reorganization. I did receive a severance, but it was only enough to cover me for about a month, and it's an issue with my trying to get unemployment assistance. This has obviously created its own stress, anxiety, and struggle. My depression is its own entity, but the two situations play into and compound each other. I'm having difficulty finding something suitable and adequate. Plus it's difficult to market myself when I'm fighting inordinate emotional and mental turmoil. I feel completely lost and have no inspiration or sense of direction. I've struggled with work identity my whole life as well. I'm intelligent and can do most anything I put my mind to. I just lack definition and some kind of ability to connect. The therapist I know can offer some guidance with this; his practice has an ancillary assessment for something like an additional few hundred dollars.
Some of this may be surprising to those who don't know me as closely. We don't just indiscriminately broadcast our weaknesses and liabilities. I'm generally good-natured and sound-minded. But as Proverbs says, sometimes "even in laughter the heart may ache." This affliction is something I always carry. Most of the time I manage it, but sometimes it flares up and becomes crippling. I fear stigma and what some might think. I fear being looked down upon or losing esteem. But as I mentioned before, a growing desperation has compelled me to reach out. I know I have many blessings in my life (for which I am mindful and deeply thankful) and that some others have circumstances far worse. But this struggle is real and deep and causing me great anguish. I've fallen and just need a hand up out of a pit. I want to be and do better. If I was all alone I would probably hole myself up and nurse my wounds as best I could. But I have people in my life I need to be at least reasonably whole for, particularly my wife. (I have THE most gracious and generous wife.) My deepest pain is at the potential for losing myself and the effect that would have on her.
In summary, I'm requesting money to facilitate getting myself back up onto, hopefully, firm ground and into the business of productive and purposeful living. In the land of the living, with healing enough to continue the race. It has at least been partly helpful just to speak up. I don't expect or assume, but I thank you for your consideration, and may God bless you for it.
Sincerely,
Michael Crosby
The breakdown of my fundraising goal:
Lab work and physician follow-up: $350 - $500
Clinical therapy + career assessment: up to $1,000
Living expenses: $1,500
Organizer

Michael Crosby
Organizer
Marietta, GA