Re building my life after Traumatic Brain Injury

Hello, My name is Harry Hayward; In November 2015 I was assaulted in an unprovoked violent racist attack in Antigua whilst walking home.  I was working as a professional diver and co opening a brand new dive facility in Antigua and only into my third week on the Island. Before this I had worked in the Middle East (Israel and Egypt) for over twenty years.

I suffered a massive head injury causing a large left sided extradural hematoma (TBI) and was very aware of the fact that I was being told I was going to be dead in 20 minutes if they did not find the neurosurgeon on the Island. My right arm had already stopped working but I was not aware of any significant pain at this time or the fact that my brain was being crushed by my own blood. After a few weeks I was shown my original CT scan; well over a third of my brain has been compressed into the other side with the good side being all squashed into a small area.



My life was saved thanks to a wonderful surgeon and very good timing and luck that he was in residence;  I have been left with a large hole in my skull and a permanent fracture all around the skull leading to a very difficult and lonely recovery including chronic tinnitus which in and of itself has ruined my life.

After 3.5 years I have just had a cranioplasty to fit a titanium plate and as of today, 25/09/19 I am twelve days out from surgery with no complications but a bigger scar which I wear with pride and a very sore head. I have been told it will get and feel better than it does, I hope so.



When I came out of IC I couldn't walk properly and over the course of a year I started to get used to the floating feeling. At the beginning I was scared to step of a curb in case I hurt my brain again, very slowly though I started to do long walks.

I live with complex PTSD, chronic tinnitus and struggle with loneliness and frustration but I am determined to get back to some form of life and maybe in the future a gf or just not being so lonely.

I still owe over $25, 000 in fees for my life saving surgery but was lucky to have had my titanium plate fitted in the UK.

In all honesty I feel rather uncomfortable with this approach to raising funds to move forward. The reality however is that with what I earn I am never going to do that and will continue waiting for psychological treatments that will never ever happen due to such massive waiting lists in the UK. Below are two pictures showing what happened to me. My first scar from emergency surgery and my most recent from the cranioplasty which I am very slowly getting used to although so far it feels like I have a lot of tension in my head; I'm sure it will pass.

Traumatic brain injuries can vary greatly; one person can have very obvious deficits, another's can be very subtle. That is why they call it the invisible injury. Many people will look at someone post TBI and think that they are completely normal as they look and act normally, having no clue whatsoever as to the level of anguish, fear, pure terror and a feeling of separation that they go through, let alone the very subtle differences there are to self identity. Confidence and feeling worthy again are other great obstacles that need to be overcome and this is in my case done by getting up every day and trying to make it better than the last.

During the last three and a half years I have had problems accessing food at least once a month which leads to periods (days) of starvation. Currently I struggle  with no gas and often go without hot water and heating as a consequence. Electricity has also been a constant struggle and on many occasions I have to choose between electric and food. I want more than anything to contribute to society again,  to be useful, to raise a family and find happiness. First though I have to clear my medical bills which stand at $25,000.

I do desperately need some form of treatment for my depression and PTSD. 

Any funds raised would go towards my recovery, seeing a therapist and paying medical costs. 

The first picture below is directly after life saving surgery in Antigua to evacuate a large left sided extradural hematoma. The second is directly after having my titanium plate fitted. 

Yours sincerely,

Harry J Hayward