Hello everyone,

About 8 days ago, I suddenly lost my father. Words cannot explain the emotional rollercoaster my sister and I are going through. Guilt, heartache, sadness, sorrow, and grief are just few to explain the least. His name was Ruben Tan, but some of you may know him as “Benjie” or “Tito/Kuya Benjie”. For years, he has been battling many conditions that caused a domino effect, preventing other organs to function at an optimal level. Cardiac disease, liver disease, advanced diabetes are just some of what he had to endure. Unfortunately, around mid-late 2021, he needed the assistance of a supplemental oxygen machine to help him with his day-to-day activities. It gave him help, but his conditions still made it difficult for him to to be as mobile as he wanted.

For the holidays, he wanted to be in the Philippines with his family. He loved them, cared for them, and helped them as much as he could. My sister and I helped fund for his trip to grant his holiday wish. We contacted him every week to check on him, it wasn’t until the last 1-2weeks of his trip, we saw a sharp decline in his health. It was then my sister warned me, this might be the last time I might see my very own father. On January 5th, 2022, he passed away in his sleep, likely from heart failure, the night he was scheduled to fly back home to LA. When my sister informed me, I was in disbelief. I denied it. It wasn’t until I saw pictures, that the person who I called “dad”, is forever gone. The guilt I still carry to this day are the numerous regrets I have, and one of them was I never got to say goodbye.

My dad was a man who had a good heart. He had good intentions. He wanted to help others. He had this need to help his family back in the Philippines. He sacrificed his own funds to buy them necessities, even when his own income was small, and fixed. Unfortunately, with a death that has come so sudden, comes with sudden costs. My father didn’t have life insurance, so a lot of the expenses my own sister is tackling, almost all of it. It’s upsetting that I can’t provide much since I’m still in grad school, as many of you may know. However, I want to help her and people back in the Philippines in any way possible. The funds raise will go towards funeral costs, services, sending things my dad owned back to the Philippines, settling my fathers debts, paying off a car that he has, and lastly trying to afford plane tickets in the next few months to physically visit my father. For those who know my sister and I, we rarely ask for help. but this is the one time I’m asking for any assistance some of you can spare. I know we are in a time of a pandemic, where many people are going through financial hardships. So at the very least, friends, family, classmates, co-workers, anyone, if you can please share this post in any platform you choose, we will forever be grateful.

We’re literally figuring everything out as we go. The only direction we have is our mom and helpful tips from few other friends and family We’ve never experienced this, nor do we ever want to go through this ever again. The stress of dealing with the death while he passed in the Philippines, cleaning out his apartment, to trying finding vital documents, while still trying to balance our everyday lives is making it difficult to grieve properly. So again, any assistance would be forever appreciated. This will help us with one less stress we are dealing with, so we can properly grieve for the death of our dad.

-Biejay and family