Those of you who know me know that I love to act, perform music, and bring smiles to the faces of others. I believe my purpose is to bring joy and laughter to people, which is why it is so hard for me to ask for help.

I don't like to ask people to help me. There are many who have helped me much more than they should have had to, and I feel horrible that I haven't been able to repay that kindness to them.

What is going on with me is I have cysts on my ovary (yes, I only have one because my other was removed in an emergency surgery 13 years ago), and I have cysts in my breasts.

These cysts incapacitate me often. There are times I'm scared I'm going to die because the pain will just be that bad. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about ending my own suffering more than once.

The biggest reason I don't go through with that thought is my child, who constantly tells me they think I'm an amazing parent.

I feel like a failure as a parent sometimes because I can't give my kid everything they deserve, but I will say one thing I did right was raise a kind and smart child who is always willing to lend a helping hand to others.

If I could do more for my child, I would. Sadly, these cysts cause me to miss work, have to leave early, etc., and that is causing more financial struggles as well.

Even before the cysts became this unbearable, I already had chronic illnesses I was working through. Chronic fatigue, chronic Epstein-Barr syndrome, and chronic pain were all just a normal thing I fought through in order to live.

Now, I have all of that plus the extra pain from the cysts, and I'm clinging to any and every reason not to end the suffering myself. My spouse and child being a huge reason, but I also have friends who would probably be sad if I was no longer around as well.

I don't want to be selfish and end myself, but I don't want to be incapacitated with pain either, or eventually die because I can't afford to get surgery.

Yes, I do have insurance through my spouse's work; however, it doesn't pay for anything at all. We have to pay out of pocket for all doctor's visits, and I'm about $4,000 in debt due to medical bills just this year alone. I'm not even sure what I owe from previous years.

If I were to get a double mastectomy and a hysterectomy, that would make my life so much more livable, and I could continue to pursue what I love doing; making other people smile.

If you made it through all of that, and wouldn't mind helping me get the surgeries I need, please donate if you can. Share if you can't donate. And, if I make it to faire next year, hunt me down and ask for a song. I'll play one specifically for you. Find me outside of faire, and I'll give you a hand-burned wooden necklace (or you can embarrass me in public and ask me to play a song right there. I usually have my tin whistle in my backpack.)

Even if I'm unable to get enough to get the surgeries I need, I still cherish every smile anyone's ever given me. That's enough for me to want to continue living, and it's enough to bring a smile to me at my end.

Though, I hope I don't end soon, because I still want to see more smiles, hear more laughter, and play more music. (Those of you who are also musicians, we need to jam sometime when I'm feeling a bit better.)