Picking up the pieces starting again

https://www.facebook.com/chassidy.joan/videos/2259979197568132/ Hello, my name is holly I'm 39 years old. I have 4 lovely boys. Cole my oldest is 19. Cage is 17. Jacob is 16 and my baby Johnathan is 11. Before July 2018 life was joyful, we all went about our days as a family with a routine.  We were not rich but my husband and myself worked and we had all of what we needed. Most of all we had each other our home was full of laughs, and lots of love.  We called Florida home at the time. July 23 2018 was the worst day of mine and and boys life.  As it started as any other day. I went to work. Kids were home for the summer. I get a call that changed everything. My husband of 13 years committed suicide.  If there were signs I didnt see them and to this day I wish I had paid more attention or just asked more questions. But life was good I thought we were happy. Well I knew I was happy I had no idea he was going though something because he seemed just as happy and satisfied with life his job and all our plans for the future. After I received that phone call at work it was like the world stopped.  I didn't now what to do I got in my car and started driving to the hospital.  Then I received a call saying my husband wasnt at the hospital he was in our yard dead in his truck and that was it my mind went blank and I losted it. Other than the unbearable pain I felt the worst was yet to come. I have to sit my boys down and tell them there father was gone and I had no idea how I was going to speak those words especially to the youngest who was 9 at the time and a daddy's boy. After that conversation and a very hard 1st night of pure disbelief more pain was coming. My husband parents were understandably in pain I cant imagine being that they losted a child. Because of there pain they decided me and my boys were not allowed to attend the funeral and I had no say they were paying for it we had no insurance or saving for this. Why they blamed me I didnt understand. I tried to talk to them my family tried and they were just in so much pain all the anger was directed towards me. They have since apologized but I and my boys never got to say goodbye. I could have show my butt and went but I didnt want to cause any drama me and my boys were in so much pain I just accept them shunning me and then kids. I regret it but at the time my mind was just losted. So me and my family had our own Memorial for him. Needless to say I had to move the house was his parents so I pack up m car the boys and the dog and came to north Carolina.  I have been here 2 years now. When I 1st arrived I moved in with my father got a job right away and work alot. I thought that would help but it was a mistake.  I didnt grieve I tried to just but a Band-Aid on it and work and keep my mind so busy I wouldn't think about it. A few months in I crashed and the depression set in. It was very very rough. I seem discovered that hospice had a grief counseling center and me and my children started going there and it really helped. So dealing with his death I also found myself a single mother raising 4 boys and man its hard. I stayed with my father for a year. Then he moved and his place wasn't big enough for all of us. I searched but I couldn't find any kind of house I could afford with my income.  So I ended up moving in with a friend. Well the time has come and I have to move out. I work and my 2 oldest sons work. The problem is we dont have the money to get in a place deposit, getting Electric and water and gas turned on. We have been saving but I also have to buy a car the one we had finally took a crap. Me and the boys have been walking to and from work. With the pandemic hours have been cut so things are a lot stressful.  So I thought I would reach out and my a go find me page to see if me and my boys could get some help. I found a house and i found a cheap car. If we could only get our foot in the door we can handle it from there. We really need a home since my husband died we haven't had a place that's our home. We sleep on the couchs in my friend living room I'm grateful to have a place I know some people have nothing. I just really want a home for us so we can start building our life again. So we can take our things out of suitcases, I would love to be able to hang up pictures of my husband and make a little memorial wall for him and for the boys. I asked for 5000 because the house I found is 550 plus 550 deposit..then we have light water and gas deposit. I have no furniture dishes anything like I said when we left Florida it was my husband's family's place we were not allowed to take anything just our clothes not even the Christmas ornaments and things my kids had made me over the years. The holidays are coming I would love to be in our own home for Christmas that's all my youngest son talks about. I appreciate and I am I'm posting just a few pics of my family also the link at the top isMemorial video a friend made for me and my boys after my husband passed 51775560_1602204239289994_r.jpeg51775560_1602204267501746_r.jpeg51775560_1602204309222598_r.jpeg51775560_1602204340980454_r.jpeg51775560_1602204373482126_r.jpeg51775560_1602204395184789_r.jpeg51775560_160220442481163_r.jpeg51775560_1602204451851529_r.jpeg51775560_1602204477163074_r.jpegvery thankful for everyone who reads my story thank you so much and God bless
  • #1 fundraising platform

    People have raised more money on GoFundMe than anywhere else. Learn more

  • GoFundMe Guarantee

    In the rare case that something isn’t right, we will refund your donation. Learn more

  • Expert advice, 24/7

    Contact us with your questions and we’ll answer, day or night. Learn more