Old Cowgirl needs Ptsd therapy and transportationñ

I would like to raise some money to fullfill long time wishes to restore my life to  some resemblance to what it had been in my youth... with such promise for a bright future... Those dreans hopes and wishes, were driven out by circumstances during childhood in which  feelings were  ingrained in me, such as feeling that I was not important, feeling as if I was an imposition to show any affection toward of even be heard...  the opportunities I had to communicate became slimmer and slimmer.
I remember feeling  so very lonely, It was very hard to be ignored and and abandoned over and over. I only had one friend growing that I could even talk to at all about it. I learned very early on to distance my self from people, around third grade.I knew if they really new the real me  the would hurt me emotionally, and I was scared. My Brother, 2 years older than my was the only one who was in the situation with me...He truly understood.
I had anger problems early on as a result of holding everthing in , That anger was easier later on, because, I turned it inward. I  always felt resonsible for the argueing and shaming my parents dispayed., I hated when they would go on  weekend business trips, One time they came home from their trip with horrible bruises and broken bones.
I didn't even ask. I knew that they were  fighting.  They were always fighting and I took things real personal as if I could have been the real reason. The childhood trauma from domestic violence  then Losing the only person who understood and was there for me was gone in the blink of an eye and my whole family completely abandoned my emotional needs, which set me up for my suicidal thoughts and feelings that lasted 25 plus years.  Now they treat me like a pathetic loser who should have been like them and thought and acted like them.
I now know they are very toxic to me. I would like to purchase an auto from a really good friend for about $8 ,000 and go see our great country and study my arts.
Also due to the Covid-19 I am living way below poverty, my mother claimed me as a dependent even though I did not live with her last year, but she did pay one of my Dentists bills, so J didn’t qualify for the stimulus check.
God Bless you and keep you. Laurie
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