Getting a place for my daughter and I .

Hello I’m Myles 23 year old out of broward county. This is going to be a long story. And to some, may sound dramatized or not as serious as it is or like I “chose” this lifestyle or I can get out of it myself but I’m not “trying hard enough” .. or at least those are the things I’ve been told . So I am dealing with my recent letdown of my Child’s mother Of two and a half years cheating On me since February..  sending me screen shots Of her messeges with the men and bragging about the affair to weaken my spirit When she already knows I am a very emotional person over her. She deals with Mild mental issues So I never expected her to want to hurt me thid terribly but I should have expected it. It just hurts to know the woman I gave my all too and stayed completely faithful went out of her way as far as telling me she left her red panties that were my favorite in the mans car and laughing about it. It’s hard to believe she would hurt me more than she has already done, after begging for me back multiple times and swearing me down she would never do anything to make me feel unloved again. The distress this has caused me along with so much others over the years has ruined my mental changed my perception of people and actually really messed up my brain . I go through mental disabilities that I never experienced before such as nerve issues and extream depression to the point where I cry and beg god to make the thoughts stop. They fill me with anxiety paranoia and caused me to start shaking intensely. I’m currently undergoing therapy. 

Also leading into my Parents kicking me out over marijuana when I was 21. I always have worked since I was 14 I’ve never been a bad kid or ever gotten myself into issues my parents had to stress over. But they kicked me out never looked back and Offered very little to help me ,I am always wrongly accused of me of being rude and not wanting to recognize the reality of my situation but always blames it on me and constantly reminds me every oñpertunity that I put myself in this situation when I never asked to be kicked out of the only home I’ve ever known. It was a reality shock to me . And now that I’ve realized with or without a job or money my situation has not gotten any better only worse I am maintaining and they think I am comfortable and like being homeless and it gives me terrible anxiety to the point where I can only cry and not even explain myself because I send essays and they don’t even read them or give me the time of day. Then make up their own excuses to disapprove of my begging and stop replying to me. Or they would act as if me being homeless is killing them to see snd offer to let me back home after Two years on the streets or offer me some sort of stability which ofcourse I jump for the opportunity . Only to initiate any and every option to get upset with me in the following days so they can find an excuse to cancel their offers and put my trust and happiness in a worse spot. I actually feel psychical pain from the many times I’ve been embarrassed let down and disappointed by family being my personal or my actual family. The heart break I have experienced in my life has caused me to truly believe I will have nobody by my side in the time of my end. And I am alone in this world. It hurts me so bad knowing every family I have had or tried to create wants nothing to do with seeing me rise and live a happy stable life.. 

There is also the burden of Not being able to see my daughter or have Any real time with her how I’d want due to my living situation. My daughter was born with amniotic band syndrome. Her fingers and toes are stuck together . She is a huge trooper and is such a happy child but the future holds so much surgeries and therapy and love and stress on me as a parent to make my baby feel normal and loved through life and insurance costs and all it is a lot to deal with as a new and young parent . When my vehicle broke I was working every single day walking 40 minutes to and from work with only her and my fiancé on my mind and taking the bus after work just to see my daughter for an hour or two walk around with her outside and then hurry to catch the bus back to my broken car . Keep in mind these bus rides were 2 hours and 35 minutes to get to my child and I would have to take two and I did this everyday. So my money was non exsistance . I got my stimulus check and put every dollar toward my car just to see my daughter more often and in a more stable environment.. what breaks my heart the most is my ex fiancé would bring my daughter to my mothers home without even telling me and I haven’t even seen my own daughter due to our relationship issues which KILLS me because I feel that is so disrespectful. I need my own home so the judge will give me part custody with my child. If I don’t have that I won’t have her... Having to go to court with no home and the embarrassment that will lead To knowing I’ll get denied the rights to my baby daughter all over not having the means to have a home due to money issues caused by my homeless situation. 

Doctors have diagnosed me with all types of mental and nerve issues That all started during my homelessness . 

I also have Constant pain in my back and sides of my stomach that I’m too scared to get checked out due to sleeping in a car every single night with unknown smells and mildew from Florida’s constant rain and sun mix , which could jespordize my life . I am terrified to die over something I couldn’t control . Leaving this earth does not scare me. With all the depression and stress i go through I have tried plenty of times to leave this earth and finally reach tranquility peace and a stable mindset but now that I have her nothing breaks my heart more than knowing I may not be around for her to love and grow with me due to the life I have to live in a very polluted and dangerous world. Any night could be my last with the dangers of living outside in the night.. 

I am Working but can’t make any ends meet due to always having to work low end jobs that all of my money goes towards Gas just to be able to survive the daytime heat which in Florida gets up to the 100s normally, and supplies for my child that I have to drop off to her mother and get very little credit for. . I wash my clothes in a close friends house every three weeks to once a Month because they don’t always have the opportunity to stay home and help me with laundry for hours which has cost me my job in multiple occasions due to not being Clean. I usually brush my teeth in a gas station Bathroom since due to Corina virus are actually the cleanest places to go I have found. I also occasionally sit in the bathroom in various stores for hours to get away from the Extream heat the sun caused the car to go through. I don’t have money for spare gas to use the air conditioning most times and people don’t usually let me borrow money . . Mosquitos attack Me very bad every night combined with the humidity of the car making me sweat . Also I have nightmares EVERY single night about my child’s mother’s unfaithfulness I wake up bawling almost every morning and struggle to keep myself together Because of dreams where I have to watch her cheating on me. It is similar to being in hell. 

Whenever I try My record says I can’t get into any apartments due to a criminal background and I got the one misdomeaner I had ever in my entire life expunged over a year ago. But it still shows up and stops me from getting a place to live even after paying so much for application costs but I found someone to be my dependent and I live there without them . so I Am here to ask people who may be more understanding to lend a hand Or plenty of them. We all need someone and I need a support group to help pull me out the mud not just for me but my daughter she does not deserve this and I need to be able to have a clear focused mind to take care of her and her condition.. Maybe someone has gone through a situation similar to mine and has the power to Help change my life. All I’m asking for is help. I do not at ALL want anyone to feel for a second like I’m begging for a hand out or for someone to baby me.. I have so much trauma in my brain over all the people who have tried to keep me down and in this situation I feel like nobody thinks this is real. I feel like I’m not alive. And that is slowly killing me in the real world . I cry from the thoughts of not being here for my daughter due to constant stress . But I learned to live through the tears. Please donate if possible thankyou all so so so very much if anything positive comes from my story Im being brave enough to share with the world..
  • #1 fundraising platform

    People have raised more money on GoFundMe than anywhere else. Learn more

  • GoFundMe Guarantee

    In the rare case that something isn’t right, we will refund your donation. Learn more

  • Expert advice, 24/7

    Contact us with your questions and we’ll answer, day or night. Learn more