My Mental Illness is Ruining My Life
Donation protected
This photo of my son and I is from 2010 when things weren’t so difficult.
My name is Angela and I need help. First and foremost I just want to say that I never wanted to ask anyone for anything. I have always been the girl to give, and help, and open up my home. Right now, I’m not well, and when I say not well I’m talking about my mental health. People don’t seem to understand how a person’s mental illness can and will ruin their lives. I used to function, but the past five years have been a different story. I suffer from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. For those of you who don’t know, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is a severe anxiety disorder. I have been suffering all my life with jobs, school, personal relationships, anything and everything. It’s not easy getting by when you are different. Most people don’t understand. When the depression kicks in that’s when things get really bad. And if the medication and/or medical care isn’t right, (which it hasn’t been for years), it’s really REALLY bad! Now, I really need help. Help to save my home, for my son and I, and help to get me back on my feet so I can be the girl I used to be, the girl who was highly functional and there for everyone else. I figured if some kid could actually raise money for a speeding ticket on this site then I shouldn’t feel guilty about asking for help for real problems.
My son and I are about to lose our home and pretty much everything else. If it could be past due it is past due. It’s bad. I’ve been barely making it by for years now. The one thing that kept me going was the rental income from the apartment on the side of my house. A couple of months ago I contacted a real estate agent to look at the house. Just to be clear, I don’t want to sell it but I am basically forced to sell because of my current financial situation and I am facing CITY FORECLOSURE on January 16th 2018. On top of the numerous repairs and unpaid bills now I can’t even list it in time to sell before the auction because of the condition that it’s in, much thanks to the tenant who was so filthy I have not been able to put the house on the market because of him. Well, of all the times the tenant decides to leave and screw me out of December rent on top of completely trashing my home! So, I lost December rent, will not get January rent, have no money to fix his damage, and I’m heading for foreclosure (January 16th) FOR THE FOURTH TIME! Here’s a little break down of the past five years:
2012 - I started the year off great. I was going to school, I was on the President’s List, and loved my part time job as a waitress. I felt better than I ever had. Then I lost the job, (due to a personality conflict...shocker), and spiraled down into the darkest five years I’ve ever had in my entire life. At first I thought I would be ok but I was wrong. By the end of the year my depression got so bad that I fell behind on my mortgage, taxes, car payment, you name it it was behind.
2013 - CITY FORECLOSURE #1. At some point in 2013, or maybe 2014, the city served me with a notice of foreclosure. Honestly, the rest of the year is a blur. A lot of what I’ve experienced is a blur.
2014 - In December I entered into a payment agreement with the city for back City and School taxes. Keep in mind that this doesn’t cover the County taxes which are a separate issue. During this one year time period I was supposed to make a $600 per month payment AND keep current with the 2015 taxes. I made it through but I wasn’t able afford the 2015 taxes. I didn’t think much of it because If I was able to pay the $600 per month then doubling up on the taxes for one year would be no problem. Final payment with the City was in March of 2016.
2016 - Less than a month after my final payment with the city I BROKE MY FOOT. Need I say more? So much for doubling up on the taxes.
COUNTY FORECLOSURE #1. I managed to get into a payment agreement for this in December of 2016. I made no payments because now I was going to push for a home equity loan. At this point that’s the only way out of this mess. That wasn’t going to happen either. If I had only known. Because of my ruined credit and no long term income I didn’t, and still don’t, qualify for a loan. I am actually looking to borrow not even half of the value of the home and no bank will help me. Keep in mind I am now again a year behind with the City.
2017 - Spring of 2017 a “friend” came to me with an opportunity that I thought could save my home and get me out of this hell I’ve been going through. Months and months of negotiating. Heading for auction again. Cutting it close. Once I realized the deal was not beneficial to me everything fell through one week before County Auction #2! Great!! I got out of that the day of the auction! Literally!
COUNTY FORECLOSURE #2 - August. Managed to get myself out of that again. I was thinking no way will I get to this point again. I was wrong, again.
Days fly by. I’m extremely depressed and I cannot function. I look in the mirror and I don’t know who I am anymore and I am not happy with what I see. I can barely do anything productive because I’m so disappointed in myself and what my life has turned out to be. I’m alone and I feel like no one understands me and everyone expects something out of me that I’m not capable of doing. Everything is so messed up that I cannot do this on my own anymore. My property is a mess. I’m embarrassed to even walk out the door. I don’t cook, I don’t want to shower, and I don’t want anyone in my house anymore. A house that used to be overflowing with friends and family. I love my home. I don’t want to lose it. Thankfully, It’s an asset but at this point it doesn’t matter. I’m going to lose all of this because of the debt that has racked up since my depression started in 2012.
2018 CITY FORECLOSURE #2 - January 16th. I have no idea what I’m going to do.
TODAY - December 22nd 2017. I have no clue what I’m going to do. By the end of this month I could have no vehicle , no car insurance, no phone, nothing. By the end of January, no home. I can’t even get my child a Christmas present. People look at me and expect me to just get up, get going, and pretend that everything’s OK. Nothing is OK. The things I talk about here are obviously of huge importance but that doesn’t explain half of what I’ve been through. I could write a book. I’m sure none of you want to read a book at this moment. Anything anyone can help with would be greatly appreciated. In lou of money I would love it if anybody was interested in donating their time to help me with repairs around the house. Also, if my goal is reached I am willing to donate a percentage of my donations to another cause on go fund me. I’m not sure how to go about that yet and I’m hoping it gets to the point where I can give back. Right now all I can do is pray.
And just to be clear, I DID NOT DO THIS TO MYSELF! I don’t choose to be depressed. I didn’t choose to break my foot. I don’t choose to live like this. This is NOT ME!
WHERE THE DONATIONS WILL GO: Donations will be used to pay past due bills and make a down payment of $5,010.00 to the City to start my payment arrangements in 2018. The total amount of the City taxes are around $10,000 but all that matters to me right now is getting out of foreclosure. Anything over my goal will go towards the remaining balance of the taxes, repairs to the home, and to pay back money that was loaned to me during the past five years of hell. Also, like I said before I will be donating a percentage to another cause because I personally find it very difficult to ask anyone for anything. It’s been torture for me to have to do that. I’m a giver, not a taker. At this point I have no choice but to ask for help.
UPDATE (12/30/17):
I just want to say that it was extremely difficult for me to share so many personal details of my life. I did it because I thought that maybe, just maybe people would understand how I’ve gotten to this point in my life. Well, I guess I was wrong. Thankfully there are people who understand and care about me without judgment, and have been there for me all along. But, there are quite a few, including friends and family, who feel that I have embarrasses them, and myself. If I have embarrassed you, I would consider you ignorant!! When I shared my story, (and I will continue to share), I felt that I wasn’t just speaking for myself. There are millions of people that experience the same thing that I do, if not worse, and I speak for all of us! I am not ashamed and no one should be ashamed of their chemical make up because it IS an illness (not physical) that no one in the right mind would choose to have; just like no one in the right mind would choose to have cancer, diabetes, heart problem, PTSD, etc. A chemical imbalance in the brain can be a serious matter, and it is a serious matter! Some people choose not to share, and to give up and/or end their lives. That is NOT what I choose! I choose to admit that I have problems, work on them, ask for help, and most importantly, SURVIVE! Doesn’t this make me stronger?! So, if you choose to judge me go pick up a book and read about people who experience the same things as I, then, then make your judgement and I’ll be more than happy to trade places with the people who are sitting on their high horses thinking that I do this to myself!
The second thing I would like to talk about is my extracurricular activities. Now, this is NOT anyone’s business but I feel that I would like to share this because there are numerous people who are criticizing how I choose to spend my time, and are totally off on what they believe! For a while now I have barely worked but when I did I would stop at the local pub and have a couple of beers or wine and chat with my friends after work. Friends who have been much more supportive than the “friends and family” who should be the most supportive! Since I haven’t been working I spend all day and all night alone, other than when I have my son. That is not an exaggeration. So, a couple of hours out of a 24 hour day I choose to go the the bar and hang out with my friends. Even when I’m feeling my worst I go out for a little while and the minute one of my friends makes me laugh I remember why I’m sitting there! Sure, times are tough, obviously, but instead of buying new shoes, fancy clothes, or even a coffee and breakfast sandwich at the Dunkin’ Donuts drive through I choose to purchase myself a couple of beers or wine and sit with my friends. Not to mention most of them are kind enough to offer me a drink and enjoy my company. Thank you guys, and you know who you are! And luckily one thing I DO NOT suffer from is addiction! I know that when I drink too much I get emotional and it is NOT good for me. I’m not going to lie, I’ve had my moments, but it is NOT a regular thing! I’m sure there are a lot of people who are dealing with horrible things and choose to drink themselves into an oblivion but that is not me! If it was, I would take my few extra bucks and buy myself a cheap bottle of vodka and sit home and waste away my life!
So, if you don’t want to donate that’s ok. If you don’t want to share that’s ok too. If you would like to stand by my side and monitor my activities from the moment I wake up till the moment I go to bed then go right ahead and voice your opinion. If not, be and adult, have some compassion, and keep your false opinions to yourself.
#notashamedofmybrain
My name is Angela and I need help. First and foremost I just want to say that I never wanted to ask anyone for anything. I have always been the girl to give, and help, and open up my home. Right now, I’m not well, and when I say not well I’m talking about my mental health. People don’t seem to understand how a person’s mental illness can and will ruin their lives. I used to function, but the past five years have been a different story. I suffer from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. For those of you who don’t know, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is a severe anxiety disorder. I have been suffering all my life with jobs, school, personal relationships, anything and everything. It’s not easy getting by when you are different. Most people don’t understand. When the depression kicks in that’s when things get really bad. And if the medication and/or medical care isn’t right, (which it hasn’t been for years), it’s really REALLY bad! Now, I really need help. Help to save my home, for my son and I, and help to get me back on my feet so I can be the girl I used to be, the girl who was highly functional and there for everyone else. I figured if some kid could actually raise money for a speeding ticket on this site then I shouldn’t feel guilty about asking for help for real problems.
My son and I are about to lose our home and pretty much everything else. If it could be past due it is past due. It’s bad. I’ve been barely making it by for years now. The one thing that kept me going was the rental income from the apartment on the side of my house. A couple of months ago I contacted a real estate agent to look at the house. Just to be clear, I don’t want to sell it but I am basically forced to sell because of my current financial situation and I am facing CITY FORECLOSURE on January 16th 2018. On top of the numerous repairs and unpaid bills now I can’t even list it in time to sell before the auction because of the condition that it’s in, much thanks to the tenant who was so filthy I have not been able to put the house on the market because of him. Well, of all the times the tenant decides to leave and screw me out of December rent on top of completely trashing my home! So, I lost December rent, will not get January rent, have no money to fix his damage, and I’m heading for foreclosure (January 16th) FOR THE FOURTH TIME! Here’s a little break down of the past five years:
2012 - I started the year off great. I was going to school, I was on the President’s List, and loved my part time job as a waitress. I felt better than I ever had. Then I lost the job, (due to a personality conflict...shocker), and spiraled down into the darkest five years I’ve ever had in my entire life. At first I thought I would be ok but I was wrong. By the end of the year my depression got so bad that I fell behind on my mortgage, taxes, car payment, you name it it was behind.
2013 - CITY FORECLOSURE #1. At some point in 2013, or maybe 2014, the city served me with a notice of foreclosure. Honestly, the rest of the year is a blur. A lot of what I’ve experienced is a blur.
2014 - In December I entered into a payment agreement with the city for back City and School taxes. Keep in mind that this doesn’t cover the County taxes which are a separate issue. During this one year time period I was supposed to make a $600 per month payment AND keep current with the 2015 taxes. I made it through but I wasn’t able afford the 2015 taxes. I didn’t think much of it because If I was able to pay the $600 per month then doubling up on the taxes for one year would be no problem. Final payment with the City was in March of 2016.
2016 - Less than a month after my final payment with the city I BROKE MY FOOT. Need I say more? So much for doubling up on the taxes.
COUNTY FORECLOSURE #1. I managed to get into a payment agreement for this in December of 2016. I made no payments because now I was going to push for a home equity loan. At this point that’s the only way out of this mess. That wasn’t going to happen either. If I had only known. Because of my ruined credit and no long term income I didn’t, and still don’t, qualify for a loan. I am actually looking to borrow not even half of the value of the home and no bank will help me. Keep in mind I am now again a year behind with the City.
2017 - Spring of 2017 a “friend” came to me with an opportunity that I thought could save my home and get me out of this hell I’ve been going through. Months and months of negotiating. Heading for auction again. Cutting it close. Once I realized the deal was not beneficial to me everything fell through one week before County Auction #2! Great!! I got out of that the day of the auction! Literally!
COUNTY FORECLOSURE #2 - August. Managed to get myself out of that again. I was thinking no way will I get to this point again. I was wrong, again.
Days fly by. I’m extremely depressed and I cannot function. I look in the mirror and I don’t know who I am anymore and I am not happy with what I see. I can barely do anything productive because I’m so disappointed in myself and what my life has turned out to be. I’m alone and I feel like no one understands me and everyone expects something out of me that I’m not capable of doing. Everything is so messed up that I cannot do this on my own anymore. My property is a mess. I’m embarrassed to even walk out the door. I don’t cook, I don’t want to shower, and I don’t want anyone in my house anymore. A house that used to be overflowing with friends and family. I love my home. I don’t want to lose it. Thankfully, It’s an asset but at this point it doesn’t matter. I’m going to lose all of this because of the debt that has racked up since my depression started in 2012.
2018 CITY FORECLOSURE #2 - January 16th. I have no idea what I’m going to do.
TODAY - December 22nd 2017. I have no clue what I’m going to do. By the end of this month I could have no vehicle , no car insurance, no phone, nothing. By the end of January, no home. I can’t even get my child a Christmas present. People look at me and expect me to just get up, get going, and pretend that everything’s OK. Nothing is OK. The things I talk about here are obviously of huge importance but that doesn’t explain half of what I’ve been through. I could write a book. I’m sure none of you want to read a book at this moment. Anything anyone can help with would be greatly appreciated. In lou of money I would love it if anybody was interested in donating their time to help me with repairs around the house. Also, if my goal is reached I am willing to donate a percentage of my donations to another cause on go fund me. I’m not sure how to go about that yet and I’m hoping it gets to the point where I can give back. Right now all I can do is pray.
And just to be clear, I DID NOT DO THIS TO MYSELF! I don’t choose to be depressed. I didn’t choose to break my foot. I don’t choose to live like this. This is NOT ME!
WHERE THE DONATIONS WILL GO: Donations will be used to pay past due bills and make a down payment of $5,010.00 to the City to start my payment arrangements in 2018. The total amount of the City taxes are around $10,000 but all that matters to me right now is getting out of foreclosure. Anything over my goal will go towards the remaining balance of the taxes, repairs to the home, and to pay back money that was loaned to me during the past five years of hell. Also, like I said before I will be donating a percentage to another cause because I personally find it very difficult to ask anyone for anything. It’s been torture for me to have to do that. I’m a giver, not a taker. At this point I have no choice but to ask for help.
UPDATE (12/30/17):
I just want to say that it was extremely difficult for me to share so many personal details of my life. I did it because I thought that maybe, just maybe people would understand how I’ve gotten to this point in my life. Well, I guess I was wrong. Thankfully there are people who understand and care about me without judgment, and have been there for me all along. But, there are quite a few, including friends and family, who feel that I have embarrasses them, and myself. If I have embarrassed you, I would consider you ignorant!! When I shared my story, (and I will continue to share), I felt that I wasn’t just speaking for myself. There are millions of people that experience the same thing that I do, if not worse, and I speak for all of us! I am not ashamed and no one should be ashamed of their chemical make up because it IS an illness (not physical) that no one in the right mind would choose to have; just like no one in the right mind would choose to have cancer, diabetes, heart problem, PTSD, etc. A chemical imbalance in the brain can be a serious matter, and it is a serious matter! Some people choose not to share, and to give up and/or end their lives. That is NOT what I choose! I choose to admit that I have problems, work on them, ask for help, and most importantly, SURVIVE! Doesn’t this make me stronger?! So, if you choose to judge me go pick up a book and read about people who experience the same things as I, then, then make your judgement and I’ll be more than happy to trade places with the people who are sitting on their high horses thinking that I do this to myself!
The second thing I would like to talk about is my extracurricular activities. Now, this is NOT anyone’s business but I feel that I would like to share this because there are numerous people who are criticizing how I choose to spend my time, and are totally off on what they believe! For a while now I have barely worked but when I did I would stop at the local pub and have a couple of beers or wine and chat with my friends after work. Friends who have been much more supportive than the “friends and family” who should be the most supportive! Since I haven’t been working I spend all day and all night alone, other than when I have my son. That is not an exaggeration. So, a couple of hours out of a 24 hour day I choose to go the the bar and hang out with my friends. Even when I’m feeling my worst I go out for a little while and the minute one of my friends makes me laugh I remember why I’m sitting there! Sure, times are tough, obviously, but instead of buying new shoes, fancy clothes, or even a coffee and breakfast sandwich at the Dunkin’ Donuts drive through I choose to purchase myself a couple of beers or wine and sit with my friends. Not to mention most of them are kind enough to offer me a drink and enjoy my company. Thank you guys, and you know who you are! And luckily one thing I DO NOT suffer from is addiction! I know that when I drink too much I get emotional and it is NOT good for me. I’m not going to lie, I’ve had my moments, but it is NOT a regular thing! I’m sure there are a lot of people who are dealing with horrible things and choose to drink themselves into an oblivion but that is not me! If it was, I would take my few extra bucks and buy myself a cheap bottle of vodka and sit home and waste away my life!
So, if you don’t want to donate that’s ok. If you don’t want to share that’s ok too. If you would like to stand by my side and monitor my activities from the moment I wake up till the moment I go to bed then go right ahead and voice your opinion. If not, be and adult, have some compassion, and keep your false opinions to yourself.
#notashamedofmybrain
Organizer
Angela Brigano
Organizer
Utica, NY
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