hi my loves.
so to begin this story i want you to close your eyes & vision this little black boy with a big head & a gap toothed smile running around his backyard in a little suburban town in texas. he would go in his parents closet, pick up his moms cheetah heels & sneak into his sisters room to get her Justin Timberlake CD so he could twirl to Sexy Back. his heart is so pure & he always questioned everything. he was so innocent & always wondered why everyone treated him the way that they did. he would always hope to one day achieve being the beautiful black woman that he always dreamed about.
that little boy at the time was me.
since a very young age i always knew i was “different.” i was a sassy little thing & i loved a good pair of heels. teachers would always describe me as “expressive” or having “bossy tendencies.” but no one thought anything of it because kids can get away with anything (lol).
going into my teenage years, i was no longer seen as just that “expressive” kid. i always liked to play around with clothes & i had a passion for color. i had no idea why i would get crazy stares because to me it was just clothes. it was supposed to be fun. but of course the world just loves to label young children & be obsessed with gender identity/sexuality so immediately i was correlated with being gay.
also during my teens, i began to feel very uncomfortable with my body. i always pictured something different in the mirror & when i saw myself in the future, i didn’t picture myself as the gender i had been identifying by at the time. i was so young & i didn’t know the proper words to express how i truly wanted to identify. i grew up with a southern christian family. i didn’t have any exposure to much of anything. so i began thinking this uncomfortable feeling was normal.
as the years went on, the harassment continued & my uncomfortable feelings grew. i was called gay so much that i just thought if i confirmed it maybe everyone will leave me alone. so that’s exactly what i did. i always knew that wasn’t a word to properly describe myself. but at the time, i did what i could with the knowledge i had.
towards the end of high school, i began to attend pride parades. it was so unbelievably beautiful. it was like for those couple of hours all my pain had been gone. i couldn’t believe so many people like myself existed in this world & i began attending pride parades every year since the age of 17.
at the age of 19, i had been feeling stuck in texas. i needed to explore my feelings & my community. my best friend had been living in New York City & we made it a tradition for me to come see him in the summer. it was during this time i would be exposed to so many different parts of the LGBT community & really started to feel like i aligned with being transgender.
one summer before i had planned out the trip, the pulse tragedy had happened. i made it a point to come for their pride so we could give proper respects to those that had fallen. the experience i had was absolutely life changing. so much that i felt i could no longer hide who i was. those people didn’t hide & from that point on i refused to either.
i then came out as my true authentic self. Myla Cashaw. a black transgender woman.
the next couple years after that, i had really dived into learning more about my identity. i learned that this uncomfortable feeling is called gender dysphoria. i decided that i wanted to take steps that i would feel would help alleviate my dysphoria. so i began taking hormones. they have done wonders & have helped me feel more like myself.
i would like to continue taking these steps to alleviating gender dysphoria & hopefully reaching gender euphoria. so i am going to undergo a procedure called FFS (facial feminization surgery). unfortunately, i can’t do it on my own & need the support of my community.
here is a breakdown of everything:
chin recontouring - $6500
tracheal shave - $2000
if any cent is ever given my way, it will 1000% be going towards this procedure. crowd funding is a scary thing because you never know how it’ll be perceived. but i have faith that my community could help me along my pursuit to happiness. a donation, like, share, or even you simply reading this far means everything to me. if any of you have any questions please feel free to reach out. thank you so much.
(additional donation links if you do not prefer go fund me:
cashapp - $mylac
venmo - @only1myla
paypal - firstname.lastname@example.org)