My Maze Haze of A Life

I will TRY not to bore you or make you cry, at least not on purpose. Lighten up, this isn't a sob story. A story of God's goodness, who doesn't want to hear about good right now.. Now, anyone who knows me knows this makes me wildly uncomfortable. It's huge for me to share my personal life. It's my life story, but for those of you who don't know me - you may find it interesting and maybe even decide to help a sista out, after you read about someone else's circus act LOL!

Sit back, relax, it's story time! I am a REAL talker, and comedic at heart. Most people laugh at or with me. If you're looking for a kind, funny, big heart, with a personality to match, then I'm the one for you. In all what could have been rage, I guess I was truly made to love, despite all the bad stuff that's happened to me. Please read even if you don't give. Maybe it'll help.

FYI, PSA: If you don't have time or popcorn, don't start this! I'm not writing this in my "scholarly voice," because this is real, and so am I. Let me tell you a story. We don't have time for all the details, but I'll give you a reasonable amount. Sign up at DrLurry.com to follow me.

It's finally over! After years pursuing the academic alphabet, (you giggle) I'm done! Yay for me, and apparently Sallie Mae too since I was reminded recently that my student loan balance is $507,208. Yeah, that's right! THAT'S ANOTHER STORY. But very accurate and transparent. In 4 months, my student loans start, so I trust God to cover the gaps so I can pay that four-figure bill every month.

Allow me to explain what I call the Maze, Haze, of my Life. I’m a writer, so this will be terrific!

It's been a maze for most of my life. It's filled with GREAT, GOOD, and some really BAD details. There's no need to worry, I'll make some of the really awful details sound less horrific. I'm 35, soon 36, and I wanna share my maze haze with you. I hope this will motivate you to keep going no matter what and to understand how valuable you are and what you are capable of.

From the age of 7, I wanted to be a lawyer. My maze was filled with a lot of haze and lawyer life didn't work out the way I thought. Hold on, stay with me. I was smart growing up. Like many, I grew up in a broken home with divorced parents. I was raised by my granny, while my mom worked and traveled.

I had my son at 17, now, yes, I was bumping and grinding. However, imagine using B.C. while using protection and still getting pregnant at 17--(young people, GO VOTE b/c if this happens to you now in 2023, you've got a problem). Although my parents weren't happy with me, they didn't give up on me, at least on one side of the family. I'll save that for another time, so... let's fast forward through my maze. At 18, I got married to a Navy guy (that was a wild one, stay tuned) I got my master's at 21, another baby at 22, and my dream finally came true. At 23, I was in law school, my church home was thriving, I had friends galore, and then LIFE happened. Life wasn't amazing anymore. I got divorced at 24... after that, everything changed. LOL! It was a mess! We're cool now and co-parent most of the time .. If you know, you know.

Anyway, let's get back to the mess. In my mid-20's, I had to figure out what I was doing - I had a M.S., so boom! I was already in law school, Bam! I would be fine. Okay, cool. However, things quickly got messy and nasty.

(Find my podcast on iTunes or Podbean, I tell all about it on Pause & Press Play)

Anyway, I was placed on academic probation at school; losing & fighting with the ex; and my church family picked sides as religion does. In the maze, it got hazy. I got kicked out of law school after failing the academic appeal for the D I got in property law. It made me make some really tough decisions. My mental health was all over the place, I didn't want my kids to see my struggle. While I figured out life in FL, my mom and dad took care of my babies in another state. I was homeless for about 8 months (shout out to those who let me stay on their sofa). I was broke, busted and disgusted. To add insult to injury (trigger alert) I was raped 2 months after my divorce was finalized, 2 days before Thanksgiving.

At 24, my life changed. I was changed by that rape. In the midst of what seemed like the most horrible thing of my life, God stuck with me, and it became NOW GOOD. God has blessed me, and I know this upcoming season will be no different.

So, to get back on track, I switched to a PhD program in 2013. Come on now. Keep up with me. Instead of being a victim, I turned my pain into purpose. As I was working on classes and my dissertation, I started a business called KylaNicole. I've fine-tuned it a lot over the years. So in a nutshell, I'm a certified life/trauma coach, & CBT certified helping people become their best selves. I help people improve their communication skills. I help people heal from trauma. By using strong policies, I show people how to run their businesses better. To help people reach their goals, I use a variety of tools and methods. Nevertheless, I started coaching, serving, loving, giving, and life went well, until it didn't. After finishing my courses in 2015, and. My residencies. In 2016, LIFE happened & God moved me to GA, in 2016. That season seemed awful, but I did it, even though it was scary. Here's the thing: I now know that Georgia made me who I am today. My experience with the people, culture, and climate grew and changed me for the better. In every challenge, rejection, and lesson, God's love and advancement was evident. I'm a big Jesus fan.

Okay, so.. My kids were back with me, I was stable in Georgia (shout out to my parents for helping me when I needed it most), I had been to therapy, I was healing. ATL felt like it could be home, but without my family there, I felt ready for the next season after finishing several books (6), working with media people, and starting my own publishing company. The Lord did it. I married my highschool sweetheart in 2017, and God made it happen.. we got married in Atlanta, had a baby boy in 2017. (Yeah, don't do the math!) But I got to stay home with him and work remotely. You know what happened - LIFE.

The love of my life was diagnosed with diabetes in 2018. Unfortunately, he had it for over a decade, unknowingly (men get checked). From 2018 to 2020, I became his full-time caregiver, breadwinner, the mother of three, (age 16 months, 7, and 13 at the time), and ran KylaNicole. If you've ever ran a business, had a REAL expensive hobby, or tried to start a business, you know that it is not a walk in the park.

That is a different story. However, my life in the maze changed again, in 2018. STICK IT OUT with me! Though I work in healthcare and have great health insurance, we spent well over $25K and are still paying medical bills. I am thankful for insurance, but the savings we had, the income, and the bills associated with medical issues can be unmanageable. In spite of my best efforts, I was unable to return to our previous lives. In the midst of everything, my newly diagnosed husband could not work, he lost his brother (BJ Lurry, RIH) and my employer and I were clearly not on the same page with my financials. As a result, I ended up taking a step down in income. To keep my benefits, I took a 40K paycut, requiring me to take a local job in Atlanta. I drove 100 miles a day, my friends. The dynamics of my marriage were changing, my kids were fighting, and I was having a tumultuous ATL season. If you have ever overstayed your welcome in a place, city, job, relationship, etc. Sucks, you know. In addition, COVID occurred about seven months later, and everything became much more real.

In the midst of adversity, GOD sustained us. We robbed Peter, paid Paul, called his sister and someone else. Oh my gosh! IF GOD & LIFE didn't teach me anything else, I knew HE would. He made it happen.

Come on, the finale is rolling in, get ready to scream!

COVID taught me how fleeting life can be. My parents caught COVID, and we had to be closer to home. I am my mom's only child, and a lot of our family still lives in Illinois. As a result of COVID, we all lost so much and so many people that we just wanted to be closer to them. Leaving GA was no walk in the park, but if we get on that, we'll be here for two hours. I moved to Tennessee after two failed home closings, discovering clients and business affiliates were stealing from us, having the HOA from hell (selling in 2021, a mess, ha! ), dealing with fake and phony people - I offloaded my business, put systems on hold, and took a break! GA was exhausting in so many ways. I moved when my season was up. After leaving that state, I felt peace mixed with tiredness & I didn't want it. I just said, "F it.". That's it.

Over the last 1.5 years, I've focused on my corporate role, my faith, our family's health, and our kids. I filled my cup again and healed. There's a lot to love about TN. It's fun, calm, country, quiet, but it's an adjustment like anything else. When I thought we were done, the maze haze came. Before 36, I had another task to accomplish.

Do you remember that dissertation that left me with a Ph.D., ABD in 2016 (which means I have completed all courses and classes, but I must complete the research and presentation (dissertation) to become a Dr. on paper). I completed my doctoral degree in Public Policy and Administration with a focus on Law and Public Policy. Law and communication are my passions. My research interests are primarily focused on public administration, law enforcement, urban men, and systems of oppression. I have found a lot of truth on this academic journey, but also a great deal of heartache, especially for African American men. As a law student, I realized that I could be the finest lawyer in the world. The system is, however, broken, and I am unable to take on that kind of responsibility. Nevertheless, I knew I wanted to change law, become a legislator, and hope to run for another public office in the near future. When I was denied by my first chair, I fought hard to change it, but life intervened, and I ceased to pursue academic endeavors. It wasn't like I needed an official title, I still advocated, I was doing what I loved in business. My husband has been healed and healing, but HE'S doing well, and so are his medical bills LOL!

Here in Tennessee, life has been blissful, until...

Ya'll already know what God be doing.. Sheesh..

Last year, God told me to go! He woke me up and was like, "Will you finish what you started?"? Despite my "no", he said "yes". So in Dec 2021, I picked back up my pen and worked diligently to FINISH what I've started. This isn't about the degree - it's about advancing the lives of those who can't speak for themselves. I had to finish what I started in order to do that outwardly. The work for our young black men MUST be done (although some of them might be acting up), the work for the youth, young adults, and minorities, needs my attention. It was hard, the opposition was insane, but I did it. If I started that story, with that school, it’d be another hour. The work I am doing is going to be heavy – but, I’m ready to lift.

My life work will involve traveling the world to speak at conferences, workshops, graduations, helping, inspiring, educating, and equipping women, men, and trauma survivors.

If you are able to assist me by donating, sharing, or doing both - it would be a huge blessing!

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please pray for me as I pray for you.

Wishing you a 100 fold return on your seed. Whatever the amount, I'll pray over it. Your donation will be used to rebrand my business (business is expensive, lol). The purchase of new podcasting equipment, the update of websites, marketing materials, and the purchase of new home office furniture and equipment. Y'all, my eyes are bad now I need larger monitors. My back hurts from long nights, so maybe a chair with arms, a desk (not that one you put together with pictures), and some file cabinets (my kids like to look at my stuff) and a chunk will go to Regalia, so I can talk at commencements all over the world. My degree would look great with some accessories (I have mine on the floor. Oh, and did you know those frames cost us like $185 each at minimum. I have more than $500K in student loans - I'd assume they'd offer them 50% off!) LOL! Regardless of how much you give, I pray that you'll get a blessing from it.

In the past, I've always kept my life private. Throughout my life, I carried so much guilt and shame, maintained such an image, and never wanted to be considered a victim. Healing has taught me people want to help you, they want to hear hope, and they want to love on you, but they can only do that if you ask. Here I am, laying aside pride, asking for love, support, and cheers as I embark on this new season of my life.

There's no limit to what you can do. Never let anyone discourage you. You're not defined by your circumstances; you're defined by your choices. Choose light.

Best,

Dr .Kyla